last night(right next to me mind you) and I didn’t drink with him nor hit up the store for anything.
Yay me!
He normally doesn’t drink so I have no idea why he was last night.
03-08-18 = Day 1 Strong!
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He also kinda hinted that he had used his doc. So maybe that was his way to cope without? I would say he must be struggling…
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I am hoping he was just messing with me and is still clean from that Ugly Witch.
He didn’t say he did but he didn’t say he didn’t.
Part of me just wants to yell at him, saying if you used that blank again, the kids/I are gone, I didn’t waste the last 4 years of my life lossing all my family/friends(they hate him) just for you to throw all my hard work down the sink but that kind of sounds a bit one sided/selfish.
I do not know what I am going to do, I am just a bit upset about it all.
Northing has been the same for us every since he killed himself last year(he hang himself out of my favorite tree in our old background).
He died 3 times(once was in our backyard, the Doctor’s around here said they have no idea how he made it, he shouldn’t of).
Do you have any idea what it is like to cut the man you are inlove with down from a tree?
He was in the Hospital for about 11 days.
He doesn’t know this but part of me stopped loving him after that(I died that day with him).
After that my drinking hit pro mode(before that I would only have a shot or two at night when I was really missing my babe in Heaven/had a bad day).
I feel like for him to kill himself was very selfish and on the beautiful tree I used for sibling photos was disrespecting our whole family/way of life(we are a mix family, he has older kids that do not live with us).
I didn’t see it coming, he told me that he was going to make that whole day for me, that I never had a day fully for myself so he was going to do it/I had to stay in bed that day.
He brought the older girls to the store to buy me gifts and cooked all my meals.
That night, I cut him down from a tree.
He is 10 ins taller than me, I still have no idea how I did it.
!
Everything changed that night and has been ever since.