I wanna do better 
I let myself down everytime I drink. I didn’t think I had a problem until I found myself kept telling myself that I will not drink then I do. Then I regret it. Can’t put my situation in words but I also been Marijuana free 5 years and Coacine free almost 2 years but this alcohol has me in a chokehold please help
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Welcome A.P.
Well done breaking free from the other addictions thats alot of time away from them you should be proud, my initial thought reading this was how come they can quit the others but not the drinking? You are sober from the drugs but not the drinking so you are not yet sober in life if that makes sense….is there something stopping you from wanting to face life sober so that it needs to be numbed?
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Congratulations on your clean time from weed and cocaine. That is some great work! I know for myself, when I quit smoking cigarettes, my alcohol issue got a lot worse over time. Your feelings sound very similar to mine at that time. I substituted one escape method for another.
One of the things I have found is that we can achieve sobriety/abstinence over a substance or behavior, but until we examine the ‘why’ of what we are trying to escape and we learn the ‘how’ to soothe ourselves and feel our feelings, we will remain in a cycle of using a substance or behavior to escape versus healing the wounds we are escaping from. That is my very long winded way of saying, sobriety is the 1st step in recovery (healing). And healing is not a one and done issue. It is something we carry with us throughout life, sometimes needing a tune up or update, other times flowing smoothly.
A big part of what needed healing for me was the drink/ regret / shame / guilt cycle. This cycle, coupled with earlier trauma in my life kept me feeling incredibly worthless, ashamed and so very very down. I had to focus on small wins and work very hard to have compassion and forgiveness for being human and making mistakes. I had to learn to love myself, to be proud of myself.
You have already accomplished some hard things overcoming weed and cocaine. That is something to be proud of. It may be time to look at your ‘why’ …what are you escaping from. How to cope with feelings as they arise. How to live without escape. And certainly if you have a physical addiction to alcohol, that takes time and compassion/ self love to break as well.
Have you ever read This Naked Mind by Annie Grace? It was pretty helpful to me to understand the whole process and what was happening with me, why alcohol had such a hold. It was eye opening.
Maybe some of this will be helpful for you. Healing from alcohol abuse is a bright light in my life and I am passionate about sharing my experience with others.
Hope to see you around more. It helped me so much to be here and interact and read of others experiences.
Be well and I hope you have a sober peaceful day. 
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Welcome back… You have come to the right place to find the resources to quit drinking and stay sober… I am glad you are here…Let’s stay sober today together.
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Trust me when I say you are not alone. A lot of us substituted when we quit something else. I actually was reversed in that I quit drinking then coke and now pills. I will be honest that I still use thc/cbd for anxiety and chronic pain (hence the pill problem.) I feel like we are good until we try and drop that last vice. That is when the “chokehold” really gets its grip. I personally found recovery dharma meetings insanely helpful along with meditation and yoga/cardio. I promise that chokehold will release. It takes work. It takes time. And most of all honesty. We are always here 
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This is a great read
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I haven’t sat down and realized what that may be I’m guessing it’s the loss of my mom. This April is going to make 3 years but the reason I quit drugs and not alcohol is my job I have a very good job but they do random drug tests also breathalyzer but I drink whenever im off.
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Im so sorry for your loss my friend, that must be really tough, its good that youve pinpointed this though, what about some professional bereavement counselling to help work through this?
It seems like so far your sobriety has been for necessity only ie your job… i think the part thats missing is you gotta do it for you and your well being, you deserve a better life, we all do