Started drinking at age 18,never drank during High school. Never really liked it at all, but once I turned 21 and was able to get it freely, it turned real quick. My job allows me to drink during work hours, and even if I don’t, e erroneous around me does, which makes not thinking about drinking very hard. When I do drink, Cocaine goes hand in hand. I just recently came off a 2 day bender where I ate nothing and drank nothing but alcohol. Partner that with 3 bags of blow, and i had to call out of work to recover. It is this feeling, that makes me never what to touch alcohol again. I always say to myself, one beer won’t hurt. And the snowball forms and here I am days later wondering where I went wrong. Almost every time I drink I blackout, and it makes my friends and family not want to be near me when I drink. I try and try to quit, but after so many tries, I feel like nothing will ever work and I should just accept failure.
@Japansk8r90
You’re not a failure, you’re an alcoholic and you are not alone. I have the same disease. Most of my life I drifted around full of fear. Especially of things and people I couldn’t control. Drinking and drugs took away my fear and discomfort. It worked for a while until it didn’t work anymore but I had no idea how to live life on life’s terms, and especially without drink or drugs. I had so much Shame and guilt from my drinking I couldn’t stand to look at myself in the mirror anymore. I was too afraid too live and too scared to die. Then one day a friend introduced me to AA and my life did a 180 turn and I found hope. I started going to meetings and did everything they suguested I do and it started to change my life. I have found a new hope and a new freedom in AA. I pray you find that too. YOU are worth it. The junk we do when we are in the middle of our addiction is not WHO we are! We are amazing people who happen to have a disease of the heart and mind. There is help and hope, we just need to be sick and tired of living this way anymore. God bless your journey!
@Japansk8r90 I know what you are saying. But get in your mind, failure is NOT an option. Put every thought into overcoming this. You can and will do it. Everyone here has faith that you can do it. We are all in a similar situation. Hand in there and keep your head up!