Hi, I wanted to share how my journey’s been so far here. I’ve been a compulsive gambler since 2016, which is most of my grown-up life. I won’t go into details about how much debt I was into before I quit gambling, because it’s a lot and that’s really not the point, as I managed to figure out later.
At the end, before I got sober, I was struggling financially trying to provide for my daughter as a single parent, which led me to believe that to gamble more is my only option. Oh boy, how blind I was. Things got pretty ugly to the point I no longer found point to be on this planet and hurt myself and people around me. I had hit my personal bottom. There were two options for me at that point - either get it together and try to rebuild a decent lifestyle for me and my daughter or fall into a depression and lose everything that was left. I had a few relapses in the past, but never really want to quit forever. This time it felt different and I knew I probably wasn’t going to get another chance to fix things. Till this day, only my mom and ex partner know about my gambling addiction, I managed to hide it from everyone else with lies and more lies. I was embarrassed.
I’ll try to explain the first steps I took in my recovery which is still ongoing, but still might be helpful for someone. Exactly 5 months ago on this day I went to talk to my ex partner and told him everything and that I feel it’s a dead end, but I want to fix it and I need help. So, my sober journey started. I gave him my debit cards and he handled my finances for the first couple of months until it felt okay to have them back. I blocked every payment towards online casinos. The major game changer was when I went to sign up for the gambling register by the National Revenue Agency and within a couple of weeks they blocked my access to every online and physical casino. I was very sceptical in the beginning when I quit gambling because I had lost hope things can get better.
Now, 152 days later I feel like a new person. I enjoy life and have quality time with my daughter. Work, cleaning, cooking, going out with friends are no longer annoying. I re-developed hobbies, routines. I just love the order in my life currently and each day is a blessing. I learned self-love and self-care, because ai believe gambling was auto-ageession towards myself. I was so sceptic about how it will all end for me just almost 5 months ago and for just this time I can’t believe how my life had changed.
Congratulations on 5 months and thank you for sharing your story. Just by posting, you’re giving people hope even if they don’t reply.
Gambling is not my thing but I have a family members who have struggled with it causing financial ruin. Thankfully, they did what you did and are now 6 years free of the obsession and recovered financially.
Thank you so much for posting. I finally admitted to my wife on Sunday about my issues. She was devastated. I have dug myself such a financial hole I can barely live with myself and what I did to my family. I’m on day 2 so a long way to go. The hardest part so far is dealing with the shame and guilt of what I became. I appreciated reading your story and knowing I’m not the only one
Thank you for your response. I admire you for having the courage to tell your wife about it. It is very hard to deal mentally and financially with the consequences, but I promise it gets better. Psychotherapy and support groups also play a major part in recovery. Now, before my paycheck arrives, I make careful monthly budgeting and prioritise clearing my debt as quick as possible.
Been searching for posts like this. Its been about 2 weeks (i stopped counting each day) since my last gamble.
Lost all my savings (12k) playing poker and slots. Then i sold my car and gambled away most of the 9k i got for it instead of paying off debt i could have gotten rid of entirely. Now that debt has since doubled.
Now if i only pay my minimums, Which is all i can afford right now, i wont be able to pay off my cards fir atleast 10 years.
Wow, two weeks! That’s fantastic! Your response here reminded me of how sceptical I felt towards myself and clearing out my debts during the first couple of months. It usually looks worse than it is, I can tell you this with certainty. You are definitely on the right path here. Whenever you feel an urge to have “that one big hit” to resolve all your debts, remind yourself where did all your car money go and did you stop afterwards. It’s a lost battle. I’ve tried probably thousands of times during my 7 years of compulsive gambling to just take the win and cover my debts, I always ended worse than the previous time to the point I never left a casino with a win. I admire that you had the courage to quit, the first weeks were the hardest for me, as I didn’t see any relief immediately, but as time passed, my brain stopped being so foggy. You are not alone in this!
The strange part for me is after a while I don’t even care if I lose I just want to play and then when it’s gone I suddenly do care. Also my mind will happily spend £100 to win £10 and think it’s a result but then lose that and more bc I must be on a run. 15 days free, had a close call again tonight but put the money in a pot and did the next right thing.
Thank you for posting, I myself just started my sobriety and self excluded hearing your story gave me motivation to continue my journey as long as I can
