After supporting my Alcoholic friend for years including 2 years since he was banned from driving, lost his job, was malnourished and I sorted out his benefits, gave Hime CPR when he had a seizure, took him to hospital appointments and meetings , he has completed rehab for the third time and has ‘gone cold’ on me. He is now ignoring me and has new friends He knows I would never drink in fro
Him I was surprised when he said let’s go for lunch at a pub. I said no. He is still sober 6 weeks on and we have gone from daily contact to curt replies when I ask where he is. I feel
So hurt and used. I know he has problems but non addicts have them too. The worse thing is, he is a neighbour and I just don’t know how to handle the situation
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Welcome to the forum!!! I can completely understand why you would feel hurt 
Youve done alot for him and have been there thru thick and thin. Its very normal to feel the way ur feeling imo. Can I ask if u drink? If not, then I am unsure why hed distance himself from u. If u do, then maybe he is just trying to “protect” his sobriety by avoiding people who drink. When reading I noticed that ur 1st paragraph may have been cut short. Were u trying to say that u would never drink in front of him? If this is what u were trying to say then it sounds like he might not know that u wouldnt drink in front of him. Do u even have contact with him at all to be able to say this to him?
Im sorry i dont have much advice I hope that things resolve in the way that they are meant to be resolved 
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Thank you so much for responding to me. Yes, I said I would never drink in front of him and I told him that. That’s why I’m puzzled when he offered by message, lunch in the pub and he didn’t mind if I had a drink. No way, I couldn’t offer another option as my car was off the road. This was 3 weeks into his recovery. Even though I said that to him, he might feel I’m a ‘trigger’ and I understand that. But it still hurts. He lives 2 doors away and although I’ve known him many years, I’ve never really known him sober. He’s always worked until 2 years ago. He is determined to stay sober this time as he needs to work as he has a mortgage. I’ve sent small messages like I’m proud of you or how you doing. Just short, curt replies . I need to back off to protect myself I think. Thank you again 
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Alright, I’m gonna give my two cents here.
When I’ve been struggling with addiction, and momentary recoveries and relapses, I’ve distanced myself from loved ones.
The simple reason?
Shame.
I felt so ashamed of things I had done, or what they had seen. So I didn’t want those people around me, because I would always have that reminder “oh crap, they saw me slapping that person or screaming at that one or running around making a clown out of myself etc.” It’s like every time I saw them, I would have to relive those embarrassing moments.
However, I do recognize it’s not the mature way of handling this.
Eventually, I reconnected with most of these people, and have had convos about thid with them. They love me and understood.
This could be what your friend is going through, can’t say for certain though.
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Also!
It’s completely valid to be hurt! You have given a lot of yourself to them. And it’s also okay to protect yourself:)
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I think u may be right unfortunately (as in prtorcting urself by backing off) This is obviously hurting you… understandably so. Its can be hard for non-addicts and addicts to understand each others point of view when the dynamic changes.
I know for myself (as a recovering addict), that when getting clean and sober in early recovery, it was exhausting and A LOT of work. I was tired alot and experiencing many emotions that, honestly, i never felt before bcuz i was numbing it with drugs and alcohol. I couldnt imagine that he thinks badly of you or anything, i just think that its most likely a combination of things. Protecting his sobriety and maybe out of emotional, mental, and physical exhaustion, as recovery (especially in the beginning) can be very overwhelming.
My family are not addicts or alcoholics and i know when i started recovery, my focus was on my meetings and recovery. At the time, i unfortunately put a lot more time and effort into that and not as much time on my family… which hurt them. But without recovery I have nothing and so thru communication, they understood why I had to spend so much time on my recovery. However, as i got more clean timez things shifted and now my relationships are better than ever! Maybe this is what may happen for u and ur friend
My hope is that he will come around eventually. Maybe after some time in recovery, when he feels more “stable”, he will realize that ur guys relationship isnt something to be fearful of. As it sounds like u would respect his boundaries
Hope any of this helps a bit to ease ur mind
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He’s definitely not ashamed. I think it’s cos we were social friends. I do understand he associates me with pub lunches, drinks in the garden but I wouldn’t drink in front of him but maybe he’s scared. However, I have feelings too and I’m hurt. Thank you xx
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It’s hurtful as he has new friends. This happened last time. Makes me feel used. I have feelings too 
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Absolutely!!! It IS hurtful I hope that he can actually have a conversation with you so that you can tell him how you feel
Can u send him 1 longer text maybe describing ur feelings right now. That way u will have expressed urself honestly and openly and then he may change his behaviours towards u. If he doesn’t, then that will be a clear sign unfortunately that he is needing space i guess
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I can do that but I didn’t want to put pressure on him. He needed me to help with Mrs Cerys, benefits etc as he’s not computer literate. Short term memory loss. He obviously found someone else to help him. I know he has problems but don’t we all? I think it’s just better if I lease him alone. He knows where I am. Bless you though
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yip thats what to do leave him alone get on with your life and im sure things will work out in the future wish you well
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My friend is now coming to the end of 10 week detox and has secured a job too. He has approached me several times and I thought we were getting somewhere. NO face to face contact as I still think I might be a trigger. Difficult as we are neighbours. Many years I have known him but as an alcoholic. His sober self is quite frankly, selfish and arrogant. I don’t know what he thinks of me now through his sober eyes Whatever, the bond has gone. I’ve been absolutely crushed but I’m not going to be treated to someone like this who quite frankly without me probably would have got malnutrition, never would have made it to rehab. I sorted benefit, took him to meetings, hospital appointment, court and I even resuscitated him. It hurts but I’m done
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