My story… I will try to be brief but I think it will be helpful for me to share my story (even if no one reads it 
)
My husband and I dated. He never pressured me to have sex. I thought he was being a gentleman. On our wedding night he said, “I don’t want to have sex. I don’t want to see you naked. I don’t want to share a bathroom…”. Two years and he never touched me. I tried to talk to him. I tried to write letters. He just got VERY ANGRY. I prayed “if he never wants me, how will we have kids?” That night we had sex. It was terrible but we conceived. I vowed to stay away from all men - in fear of my own self. Fast forward… we have had sex 5 terrible times in 17 years and we have 5 kids. Literally.
February 2021 I was playing an on-line game and a guy said I was pretty. My husband never said that to me. I started talking to this guy and I immediately made an appointment with a counselor. I felt horrible. She said “I am not going to tell you to stop talking to him. You don’t take alcohol from an alcoholic”. Immediately I thought THAT IS WHAT I NEED! ALCOHOL. And so it began…
I started drinking at night so I could sleep. I added to that when I was making dinner, I added to that when the kids were done with school (I homeschool), I added to that spending time with the kids (when they wanted me to watch YouTube with them), I added to that lunch time. I added to that before school, I added to that when my husband went to work. I was drinking 1.75 liters of vodka or rum every two days, plus whatever was in the liquor cabinet.
The shame made me stop wearing my seatbelt. The shame made me stop eating. I didn’t “deserve” to.
No one knew. Not even my “husband”.
After two years of this I was invited to a Bible Study and I immediately told a lady there. She said, “Girl! You have to go to a gym!” So I did. It helped. But I still battled.
So… Here I am now Officially 11 days sober. But better then that: I realize that I don’t need my husband to love me to have worth. I can be my best friend and have compassion on myself. I can find joy where I am. I can trust that God will do what seems to good to Him even if it doesn’t feel good to me. I can choose not to complain.
I am a grateful believer in Jesus Christ and I struggle with alcoholism.
Thanks for letting me share. 
Congratulations on 11 days!!!
