Hey I’m new to this. I downloaded this app after seeing other people use this or simular on facebook. I guess I’ll start out to say that I have had a problem with alcohol for a couple years now. I want to say maybe 6 years or so.
It started out I was dating an addict whenever I was about 24. I had gotten so invested in her. She one day told me that she liked me more whenever I wasnt sober. Then the rest is history. I have continued to date other addicts up until now. The last maybe 2 or 3 years I have been romantically with others that are clean.
I didnt drink as heavily as I did before however I still have issues with binge drinking.
I cant ever really just drink a little bit. I’m always drinking to the point of really drunk or blackout.
I’ve went to a couple meetings however I never had the confidence to speak whenever I was there. However hearing other people talk did help. But I also had an issue where it was like one meeting I had done over video chat, after I had finished it just made me want to drink more.
I used to be able to have fun and I think people who were also around me while I was drinking were also having fun and the time of their life.
However I came across a problem in the last recent years, everytime I drink now it’s never fun. Even if I do it with the intent of this is going to be fun and good it just never ends up like that. It’s completely embarrassing. I dont want to go into too much detail however I have had more than 1 person even record me and try and show me later. I just cant seem to watch it or look at me like that.
I usually am drinking if I am going through major life changes or there is something going on (like a bad relationship) I do also use because of anxiety reasons. I also almost always start out drinking a couple months into a relationship because of sexual reasons. Like I cant have a comfortable sex life without it until like maybe 5 or 6 months into a new relationship, which I have steadily been in relationships my entire life. I dont even recall a point in time that I wasnt with somebody.
I am trying to quit. I think that it’s mostly hard to accept that I cant ever do it again or that I cant just have fun like everyone else. To me I hate the thought of that. I have come to realize that it is bad. I realize it does more harm than good when it comes to me and my personal life and other peoples lives.
I have ruined relationships with not just romantic partners but I’ve lost friends. I have gotten into it pretty bad with family. I have ended up in situations where ive put myself in danger and shit has happened whenever I was using. At one point I even ruined my life and had to start over from scratch.
I really want to stop. And I want to be okay while I’m not. But to be honest. It’s hard. Sometimes I will get anxiety like my head will feel weird or my legs will feel hallow and the only way for me to cope with that is alcohol. Like at times I’ll feel these things and lit think I’m dying or something. I wont be able to have a decent sex life. Sometimes I get social anxiety and it takes that away. I can talk, be social ect.
Just for some clarity also I do have bipolar type 1, ptsd, general anxiety. I am not on medication right now due to my bipolar medication had long term use and side affects had arised. And to be honest I’ve been on medication constantly whenever I was younger and always had side effects while going through different ones to find the right one. And it sucks! And in a way I’m kind of traumatized by it. It freaks me out to take it. I know I’ll probably have to again. I do have a dr appointment coming up.
Just I was wondering how do you completely stop and make sure that you are okay while you are sober? What are some coping strategies to help you not relapse? What do you do about anxiety ?
I recognize that I need to completely stop. And I try and I can go a couple months at times. But I have never been able to actually long term quit.
I think your doing the right thing about speaking with your dr to get extra support, i also have alcohol addiction and mental health along with having tried 6 different antidepressants that havent worked, but there are lots of options im sure your dr will be able to help for your specific needs. And not drinking will help your mental, physical snd emotional health.
In my experience the anxiety calmed down slowly once i abstained from alcohol and my brain and body had time to balance out more, im still early days and i still suffer with anxiety but nothing like when i was actively drinking.
You have the desire to stop and you clearly want to which is good.
Id recommend more meetings especially as you mention they helped, definitely dont worry about talking everyone there understands how it feels to be new and you wont be pressured to speak.
Have you tried online meetings ?
Heres the link to a thread with more info on them check it out theres a 24 hr AA zoom meeting too.
Starting the journey is tough but we are all on a journey here together, your not alone so take the step and the rest will follow and life gets better.
It’s great that you’re here and reaching out for support, you’ll find lots of it here and you’ll never feel alone in your struggles. Stick around, it helps.
Hi Dani,
It’s a great start to post on here as this site has been a wonderful support to me.
I actually went to rehab to commence my sobriety, I’m very familiar with rehab over the last 3 rough years. I had seven months sober last year then relapsed, found my drinking became 100x worse and checked in again for a kick start. I also have the best psychiatrist in the world who has supported me through this very difficult journey where I have, like you, put myself in very dangerous positions and lost a lot of friends along the way. I am very lucky to be alive.
I can relate to what you are saying. Especially the anxiety. I have BPD and when ever I felt a mood change or anxiety, I’d drink because it doesn’t feel good sitting with uncomfortable feelings. I’m now 69 days without a drink, and I still find those feelings very uncomfortable, and draining. When I can, I have a sleep (I have been doing a lot of that in the last 70 days). It’s good for healing but also stops me from driving to the bottle-o. People will suggest distraction techniques, walking, meditation, colouring, gardening, but for me, I need to sleep. I am still so tired every day…some days I don’t know how I can hold myself up I’m that fatigued. So that works for me at the moment.
In sitting with my thoughts and emotions I can now see that therapy might be a good option for me, to try and get to the root of all the negative feelings that have arisen.
I also relate to the sex part. My partner is an alcoholic and things have been tough for us since I’ve been sober. We haven’t been intimate for the entirety of this time.
Like you, I always needed to be drunk to have sex, I actually have no idea what sober sex is like! All I know is that I’m not feeling it at the moment, and I’m hoping this will eventually improve with communication and understanding. I think this issue is deep rooted from a long time ago. I’ve been with my guy for 3.5 years fyi.
Sorry, I didn’t mean for this to be about me, but to let you know that you are definitely not alone, and you are on the right app. Take it one day at a time is all you can ask of yourself. There’s no instant fix, and it sounds like your situation is more complicated with MH issues so I really hope you have a good doctor to help you through this.
Stand strong and be proud of yourself
Thank you so much for relating to me. It’s actually nice to hear that someone else has the same things happening and I’m not the only one. I have been concidering switching my dr based more off other concerns, like the one in this post instead of more basic things that me and my current talk about. I’ll look into that right now actually.
Also thank you for the distraction tips!
Hello, welcome.
I relate to your story. I also drink to blackout. Actually, before drinking I think I just want to get tipsy, but once I have one drink that changes to wanting obliteration.
I also embarrassed and let myself down so many times drunk.
It is hard when you are hanging on to the idea ‘why can’t I have one, why can’t it be fun for me’. For me, I think it is like doing a handstand or speaking Swahli. I just can’t. But there are so many things I can do.
Here is a resource thread Welcome to the forum! 2022
Look forward to hearing more from you!
welcome, im glad you joined us.
