My story of a porn addict and officially hit rock bottom

Hello all soon I will start a journal on here detaling my story with porn addiction. Hope all is well😀

If I tallied it up I’d say about 200-500k words in my journals since I was 15 have been about trying to quit porn. Since I got a really good clean streak going I haven’t had much to talk about, too busy to write. It helps like you wouldn’t believe though, organizing all those thoughts and putting them to words, finding out what you’re actually doing by reading your own life. It’s crazy but it’s helpful, I’d say it’s even necessary. Good luck chef, glad you’re hanging in there with the rest of us slaying these demons for breakfast, and dinner.

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I know this could be hard but get a flip phone. Iv had some serious porn issues myself. I’m two days without drinking and Iv noticed my looking at porn has gone way down for some reason. I even heard a guy today a pretty famous guy talk about how he looks at to much porn. Back to the flip phone you wouldn’t have to be completely off the grid. Just make sure other devices are protected I have tried that in the last as well and worked for a while. That stuff is way to easy to get ahold of

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I can relate! Just talked to my sponsor about this. She says stop fighting and surrender to your hp!! We can do this! Today is day 9 for me that I have been sober from my acting out.

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Sweet! Congrats on the nine days🙂. This is truly a journey we all are going through.

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I’ve kept a journal for 23 years straight now. It definitely helps. Today i’m 99 days porn free and yet everyday is still a battle. I find that it always comes down to what i take in everyday. It’s about what I feed my mind on. Being on TS helps me focus on recovery, along with Podcasts(porn free radio) and taking in spiritual ‘food’, through bible reading and study. If i just let myself go on social media/youtube i’m feeding the DOPAMINE ADDICT I AM AT MY CORE. I’ve learned alot through my journals and i know myself pretty well. I think journaling on here in this thread is a great idea. It’s good to bounce ideas off people who are with you in the struggle.

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I can relate! Finding this app has helped me stay off social media that triggers my sex addiction. I listen to Christian music now which really helped me. I’m learning now that I can’t fight this disease that it makes it worse if I surrender everything my entire life to God I get peace.

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I heard a really powerful saying that “Fantasy is the attempt to make contact with a reality” and I really don’t want to go back to the reality so I try to remember saying when the thoughts come back.

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After 100 days, i had a setback sunday. I didn’t do the work, didn’t plan out anything, didn’t contact my accountability partner, didn’t do anything, i had another setback. It’s a reminder for me: You can’t just have a setback and think things are going to be different. I heard a podcast talk about Relapse is not an event, it’s a state. I haven’t do any work, so i’m in the state of relapse. Even as I type this, nothing will change unless i sit here and map out how things will change going forward.

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You got this! Brother🙂

Hello all I have a question. Right now I am learning about God and Jesus Christ but at this moment I feel disconnected from them then other times I feel close to them is this normal?

I think so. That’s what is meant by straying from the path, or at least that’s how I think about it.

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It really is very normal. At least for me it is. My relationship with my HP is like any other relarionship in my life. The more effort I put into it, the greater the relationship is :slight_smile: i dont always feel connected to it. But its usually bcuz i havent been putting in the daily work to keep that relationship going. If that makes sense. When i DO put the work into that relationship with my HP, i always feel fairly connected to it

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Ok I thought I was losing my mind. I really want grow closer to God! Thanks for your reply I appreciate it very much😀

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Makes so much sense putting it like that. A relationship with God is like any other relationship we must put the work in to keep the connection. Wow all these years I never looked at it like that. Thank you for the reply I appreciate it😀

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When i first heard that, it blew my mind away also :slight_smile: it just made so much sense. Glad it helped!

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All of the religious realizations that blew my mind blew out the useless, dead, out of date parts of me that needed serious update and reconfiguring which were also the parts that probably caused the most issues in the first place because they needed to replaced so desperately.

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Oh jeez I feel like I am separated from God and feel unworthy to receive gods love and forgiveness. All my past mistakes just making me feel that I doomed my chance at relationship with God.

I think that’s the feeling of the fall after Adam and Eve are cast out of the garden and cherubim guard re-entry because they are not worthy. I have this above my desk, it reminds me I am not all I could be and to work on that every day.

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It makes perfect sense what you just said🙂