My story of me

Hello all… Im an alcoholic trying to quit. Im 37 male…paramedic and father to a wonderful 2 ur old daughter. I have been an alcohol user moderately for about a decade. This past year and a half its been much worse. I would get out of work in the morning and get a pint and sip on it till about midday then afternoon get another…or a 12 pack or have a couple bottles of wine in evening … I was so depressed daily… We had a new baby in the house and her mom was terrible… She was building this relationship with her fitness coach whose twice her age, he would spend the weekends at my house while i was working 48hr shifts… I knew in my gut i was being lied to and cheated on…but I never did anything. So I drank all day to deal and cope.

I was never and still do not get dead drunk to where i can’t function… Or take care of my daughter…its mostly drinking here and there all day long spaced out to take the edge off and keep it off. But im so tired of it… Im anxious and depressed all the time… Ive tried to quit a couple times. The last time was when I was trying to fix my relatiinship but i got no support…in fact all i got was attacked… Shed say things like “oh because you haven’t drank in a couple weeks you think youre a father now” or i had felt good and said i made it a month…and she said "umm its been 22 days relax "

Im not a mean person when i drink. Well i didnt used to be until her… But now its all gone and im glad the toxic crap is out of my life. I really need to be done with drinking once and for all… I have a daughter who needs me because her mom puts her last. So i need lots of strength to get through this… Sunday will be day 3 and its always the hardest.

Thanks for reading my story.

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Welcome!! I’m glad you’re here. Sobriety opened my mind and my life to many many beautiful things so far but there has been a lot of shit to work through along the way too. Glad you’re joining us! :heart:

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You got this. Thanks for sharing.

Has the whole fitness coach discussion with wife been had? This poses an existential threat to your sobriety if you two have not found some sort of “closure” about that.

I dont mean to pry, really. I am glad you are here and working towards your sobriety. I wish you success and perseverance on your journey!

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There was no closure. She lies and denies and turns it all around on me… I know what happened though… She started gym… Then became detached…always on phone… Phone was locked down kept hidden… I found him in my house one day at night… She moved out and she said thats when they started dating… And was spending the night there …until her apartment lease was up . Then moved in with him… So it all adds up. Ill never get the truth from her. All i know is i spent a year doing all the cooking… Cleaning paying bills spending time with my daughter while shes texting and ignoring the family… And its no better now… My daughter is 2 and hates going with her. She runs to me when dropped off, but cries and drags feet when picked up. And anytime i try to discuss my daughter its always me getting blamed. Or im just mad and tells me its the happiest shes ever been in life…and how its nice to be with someone who isnt selfish, and im jealous because she has a better life with someone else … And this and that… And maybe if i was a better father i wouldnt try to manipulate my daughter into hating her mother… Then i get all furious and on edge… Its toxic.

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Thank you!

Hey there - and welcome.

I also have a two year old (and a four year old) and I understand wanting to get sober to be a better parent. I was also holding on to a lot of fear, anger, and resentment that was keeping me stuck in my drinking. For me, finally getting the courage to go to AA has been life changing. I feel like I am learning tools to help deal with all of the above. And having the support of other folks like me has been so incredibly helpful. Might that, or some other recovery program, be a possibility for you?

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Dude, F that cheating miserable B. You’re the man. Live better than her, parent better than her, run/work out and get yourself tip top and look better than her. You got options bro, just don’t go backwards. Full steam ahead and it’s going to be an awesome life. You don’t need that booze shit. You got this. Plus you’re a paramedic so you’ll have no problem finding a new chick. They love that shit. You’re gonna do fine dude, just keep yourself in good mental and physical space and forget the booze.

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Thanks for the pumped up words. Im giving it my best…

You’re the man dude. She’s terrible at life and everybody who loves her is wrong (except your kids). I have kids too, divorced, but six years in with an awesome lady now. On day 7 and trying to kick it for better health and looks. You got this man. Time to focus on you.

Sorry if I’m overly enthusiastic but I have a buddy going through the same shit. Good luck mang

Good luck! Thanks for your story. Fight for your sober live :facepunch:

Wow. You have a lot going on, and a paramedic to boot. So much to unwrap. :heart: I’m excited you found this forum and shared your story.

Early on, reading here helped me untangle a lot by reading the experiences of others, like your story. I still hit the Checking in daily to help maintain focus thread. At first just for accountability. Now to witness the evolution of sobriety in others and sort of as a daily inventory of my own.

I hope you’ll keep coming back, sharing your story! The support and experience here is hard to find. :v:

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When my sobriety was raw and new, I would make a plan for the day. That would keep me busy and focused on something besides drinking. I’m sure just taking care of a two yo would do that. :unicorn:

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