# My story version 2
**URL:** https://talkingsober.com/t/my-story-version-2/206771
**Category:** Your Story
**Tags:** work, check-in, cocaine, motivation, sobriety
**Created:** [April 22, 2026, 4:05pm UTC](https://talkingsober.com/t/my-story-version-2/206771 "2026-04-22T16:05:07Z")
**Posts on this page:** 2
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Justaman](https://talkingsober.com/u/Justaman)
#### Post date: [April 22, 2026, 4:05pm UTC](https://talkingsober.com/t/my-story-version-2/206771/1 "2026-04-22T16:05:07Z")
Hi all,
Ive wrote my story before but i was asked by my recovery group to write it as a case study as i hope to inspire others.
Today i am 6 months and 15 days sober from cocaine.
I class my title as “recovered ex addict”.
My recovery is through SMART and i do attend the odd fellowship with CA.
N.B I am not affiliated to SMART but i put my alot of my success so far down to its tools and the community of my group. I love my group and the people in it.
Anyway, i hope you read on and feel for any similarities in your journey. I hope that it leads to inspiring just 1 person out of the darkness and chaos and back into normal balanced life.
Thank you
M
> Case Study:
>
> M – SMART Recovery Veterans
>
> ## _ **Introduction** _
>
> _I’m M — a military veteran working in a safety-critical frontline healthcare role. I’m sharing my story using initials only, because I know how easy it is to look like you’re coping while you’re quietly struggling._
>
> _For a long time, I thought ‘being fine’ meant keeping everything contained and getting through the day. Looking back, I can see that survival mode can feel normal — until it doesn’t._
>
> _Recovery, for me, wasn’t just about stopping a behaviour. It was about learning new ways to handle pressure, rebuilding routine, and getting back a sense of control — without shame, and without pretending everything was fine._
>
> #### _ **“Asking for help wasn’t a failure — it was the point things started improving.”** _
>
> ## _ **Background Information** _
>
> I’ve spent many years in frontline emergency healthcare, and I’m also a veteran.
>
> The work comes with constant responsibility: trauma exposure, high-stakes decision-making, and being present with people on some of the worst days of their lives.
>
> Over time, the pressure didn’t come from one single incident — it came from accumulation. Organisational demands increased and the space for proper rest and recovery reduced. When that happens, even strong coping skills can start to wear thin.
>
> Alongside the job, I was dealing with major personal stress, including the breakdown of a long-term relationship.
>
> I kept turning up and meeting expectations while privately carrying a growing emotional load.
>
> One of the hardest parts to admit is that I didn’t always recognise how far my stress had built up. I was used to pushing things down and moving on to the next job, the next shift, the next demand. That mindset had helped me for years — until it started to harm me.
>
> I did take steps to stay safe and effective. I engaged with trauma-focused support and made role adjustments where I could. Those steps helped, but the underlying vulnerability didn’t fully disappear — it stayed in the background while the overall pressure kept building.
>
> #### _ **“From the outside, you can look like you’re coping — even when you’re running on empty.”** _
>
> ## _ **Problem Identification** _
>
> As the stress built up, I started using substances to cope. Cocaine became my drug of choice.
>
> At first, it felt controlled and contained — mainly during non-working time. Over time it became more persistent.
>
> It wasn’t about ‘having a good time’. It was about switching off and numbing stress rather than dealing with what sat underneath.
>
> There’s a particular kind of conflict that comes with this: on the outside you can still function, but inside you know you’re drifting further away from who you are.
>
> That gap — between what people see and what you feel — becomes exhausting.
>
> For a period, my professional performance stayed intact. That can be part of the problem, because everything still looks ‘functional’ and it’s easier to minimise what’s happening.
>
> I told myself I was managing — while my coping was actually getting smaller and smaller.
>
> The turning point came when hiding it and just ‘getting through’ no longer felt justifiable. I realised I needed to change, and avoidance wasn’t a viable option anymore.
>
> #### _ **“The turning point was realising that hiding it wasn’t sustainable — something had to change.”** _
>
> ## _ **My Testimonial** _
>
> When I decided to seek support, I wasn’t looking to be judged or labelled. I needed something practical, structured, and evidence-based — something I could actually use in real life.
>
> SMART Recovery Veterans stood out because it’s skills-based. The emphasis is on self-management — understanding triggers, managing urges, challenging unhelpful thinking patterns, and building emotional balance. The structure mattered for me.
>
> The four-point approach gave me a clear framework.
>
> When life felt unstable, it brought predictability and a sense of agency — something I could follow on a bad day as well as a good one. I also needed psychological safety. Being alongside other veterans reduced the feeling of having to explain myself. I could talk honestly without feeling pressured, and without feeling ‘less than’.
>
> What surprised me was how much routine mattered.
>
> Turning up regularly wasn’t just attendance — it became a kind of anchor. When my head was noisy or my mood was low, I could still follow the process and practise the tools.
>
> SMART felt like it gave me control and clarity back.
>
> Recovery started to feel active and achievable, rather than overwhelming.
>
> #### _ **“Structure replaced chaos — and the group made it feel safe to be honest.”** _
>
> ## _ **Progress and Results** _
>
> With sustained engagement in SMART Recovery Veterans alongside other mental health support, I started to see steady change.
>
> The key thing for me was treating recovery as a process — built through routine and consistency — rather than expecting a single moment to fix everything.
>
> • I achieved abstinence and maintained it over an extended period.
>
> • My psychological wellbeing improved significantly — better emotional regulation, improved sleep, and a more stable mood.
>
> • Medication was reviewed and reduced appropriately under medical supervision as my mental health stabilised.
>
> • Trauma-related symptoms that resurfaced during vulnerable periods settled over time.
>
> • My confidence increased — not only in maintaining recovery, but in managing stress and pressure more effectively.
>
> • My recovery engagement progressed to the point of supporting others within the programme, which helped consolidate what I’d learned.
>
> • Occupational health reviews documented steady improvement and supported staged reintegration into work with appropriate safeguards and objective monitoring.
>
> For me, those changes weren’t abstract.
>
> Better sleep and steadier mood meant I could think more clearly and respond rather than react.
>
> I also noticed that the shame started to lose its grip.
>
> The more I practised the tools and talked openly in a safe space, the less I felt defined by my worst moments.
>
> I learned that urges pass — and that I didn’t have to obey every feeling. That was a huge shift.
>
> And I learned that being accountable doesn’t have to mean being punished. It can mean being supported in a structured way, with clear steps and safeguards.
>
> #### _ **“Turning up regularly created stability when everything else felt uncertain.”** _
>
> ## _ **Conclusion** _
>
> My story shows recovery is achievable even in high-pressure, safety-critical roles when difficulties are recognised early, faced honestly, and supported through structured, evidence-based pathways.
>
> Seeking help wasn’t a character flaw. For me, it was the responsible thing to do — a way to protect my wellbeing and stay sustainable for the long term.
>
> SMART Recovery Veterans played a central role by offering practical tools, peer accountability, and a framework that complemented professional oversight rather than conflicting with it.
>
> I’m continuing a managed recovery journey with insight and confidence.
>
> The biggest lesson for me is that recovery and responsibility can sit side-by-side — and even strengthen each other.
>
> **If someone reading this recognises themselves in any part of it, my honest message is: you don’t have to wait until you feel completely broken. Getting support earlier is not weakness — it’s prevention.**
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### Author:  [@erntedank](https://talkingsober.com/u/erntedank)
#### Post date: [April 22, 2026, 6:18pm UTC](https://talkingsober.com/t/my-story-version-2/206771/2 "2026-04-22T18:18:18Z")
Thank you for sharing, 🙏🌻