Hello everyone. This may be a bit of an overshare but I wanted to put my story out there to find similar stories so that we can all help each other on this journey.
I grew up with a verbally abusive mother. To get away as soon as possible, I joined the Marines right out of high school in 2011. Like every Marine and especially like every grunt, I drank ALOT while I was in. The only times I had true sobriety was on long field ops and deployments. When I got out in 2015 I was still drinking a good bit for the first few month. I started college and got into powerlifting giving me reason to stop or at least cut way back on drinking. My junior year of college I found this deceivingly great drug called cocaine and it slowly and quietly began to take over my life. At first it was used as it was intended, to party but I soon found myself sitting at home by myself with cocaine being my only friend. It quickly got out of control before I even realized it. In June 2022 I was so exhausted of trying to hid my use that I gave up. I tried to end my life before my family found out or before I had completely destroyed my life. Just before I blacked out I had made a call to a group of my close Marine friends to tell them its not their fault and to not carry any more guilt than they already carried from the many other Marine suicides. They did what Marines are supposed to do and had my back. They called everyone they knew that was close to me and were able to get the police and eat to my house to save me. Since that June night I have been desperately working towards becoming completely sober. I have had some good runs and have seen the potential of how good life can be sober but have struggled with making it my life. I would end up telling myself “you’ve made it 2 months, you should celebrate by breaking your streak.” I have been erasing myself after a relapse and zoning in on things that can cause me to relapse to begin implementing strategies to avoid them. I am in grad school now so stress is very high and my classmates always talking about getting hammered after a wave of tests. This has been one notable trigger and I am working on finding ways to celebrate completing a goal without substances. During breaks from school like the recent Christmas break, I have learned that boredom is an obvious trigger for me. I have all the time to sit and get in my head. I will go to the gym to curve cravings but the gym doesn’t last all day, I need to find more hobbies outside of school to occupy my mind. Things that used to be fun hobbies like video games have been ruined by drugs and alcohol. Since the big COVID plague I would always play video games, drink and do coke. Now a days I can’t enjoy video games without getting very strong craving. I put my console away in the closet out of sight out of mind so I dont try to convince myself that I can handle the urges right now.
I am interested in hearing some of yalls stories and how your lives have changed since becoming sober. I’d also like some of the strategies, tips and hobbies that helped you get a hold of your addiction.
Thank you for taking the time to read my story and hope to hear yours.