Hello all. Pretty new to the forum and first time posting. I’ve hit a very low point in my life, so reaching out for help. Here’s my story in summary -
- 40 years old, been a binge drinker for 20+.
- Grew up in with great family and friends. One side of the family has significant alcohol history.
- Always active in sports and outdoor activity.
- College graduate with a degree in management.
- Always had a job since 16. Upon graduation, immediately got into transportation. Industry is very stressful and produces a lot of substance abusers.
- Very successful, was a leader and mentor most of my career.
- 8 years ago nomitated as a leader to build a team to manage Amazon activity. (Here’s where things go wrong)
- Did very well individually and as a team for the first 7 years. I seemed be able to handle almost anything that came my direction. However, the drinking was becoming worse.
- Last year with the team, I became raddled upstairs from all the stress and alcohol abuse.
- March 2017, threw in the towel and stepped down from the position. Took one with less stress but seems the damage was DONE.
- Drinking was out of control and ended up in detox.
- Got pissed at the company and quit for how things were handled. Stupid move for I was being selfish and pointing the finger to anything but myself.
- Took time off and relocated in hopes of a new beginning.
- Have been able to quit drinking for a month here and there but it always comes back with serious vengeance.
- This last round, got a decent job and was doing well. Thought I could handle a drink here and there but bam; spiraled out of control and lost the job.
A couple of other things worth noting:
- Occasionally would do hard drugs at a concert or festival, but this was an exception.
- Enjoy smoking weed but my DOS is alcohol.
- Have gone to many AA meetings but didn’t work the steps.
So here I am pretty busted up and not sure what to do. I know others can relate and any input would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!
Sounds like you’re having a difficult time being honest with yourself. You’re a full blown alcoholic that cannot manage his life. There’s no amount of alcohol that you can handle. 1 sip is too much and is going to inevitably lead to to relapse. You need to take it seriously. Work the steps every single day. Sobriety needs to be one of the things on the forefront of your mind at all times.
Get a sponsor and dump the alcohol.
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Good move to coming here. Love yourself brother… S sly. No one else else.
You can do this! I was having a really bad morning feeling bad for myself and being down in the dump but that’s not going to solve anything. All you can do is push forward and keep coming back here for encouragement until you get stronger.
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Hey, thanks for sharing…
So what are you willing to do differently this time around? And sounds like you know what one drink can lead to. So what will you be changing?
Hitting AA meetings and actually getting a sponsor and working the steps? Seems to me your forgetting step 1 and where you came from.
Changing up your people, places, or things?
Thinking back, is there a pattern in your relapses? I’m a relapser myself, and Mine was getting the fuck its. One thing would go wrong and I’d say fuck everything. I relapsed BEFORE picking up a drink or drug. Mentally…
Keep reaching out, it works!
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Hey @Chris0720, sitting here now in the hospital with my mom (she fractured her femur at my house yesterday) and waiting for surgery. Nice Mother’s day, huh? I’m on day 111 and I can honestly say, I wanted to drink yesterday SO BADLY. Whenever I think it can’t get any worse, my mind always turns to alcohol for comfort. Then, I remember how miserable it makes me. You sound like you know what the problem is. My advice to you is never ever give up. No matter how much you fall down, get back up and learn from it. Keep us posted!
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Thanks for the feedback. I understand that I need to do something different. I’m trying, hard!
Ok. Going back to AA tomorrow and spoke with my sponsor. Crazy how supportive he is giving how much damage I’ve done. Going to work the steps full bore. I have had enough of this crazy life.
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Still doing better. Thanks for the support!
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