My time to make changes

Hi everyone…was on here for a while several months ago, and just went back a ready my old posts. I was so optimistic and hopeful that I too could have a life without leaning on my crutch…which is alcohol. I did it for…15 days, I even convinced my partner at the time to stop with me. I remember it was the best time we had together. At a hockey game and he wants a beer…wheres the harm? Here I am, several months later with some achievements (bought my first place) but I’ve been drinking more than ever and am in another relationship with another heavy drinker. And I don’t blame his drinking for my own. It’s gotten out of control. Last night was just…the icing on the cake. I work every day, and drink almost every night. I’ve looked to alcohol for comfort, and it brings me despair. Its costing me money I don’t have…and I dont recognize myself. I’m at an all time low in my self esteem, I’m feeling very scared and alone and vulnerable, and the relationship I’m in is not supportive of me stopping, so I have ended it. I feel wretched about it but I think it had to be done. I hope I can find that feeling of optimism again. I had planned to try a meeting tonight but the weather stopped me (winter has arrived in Canada) so I am hoping to go tomorrow. I am super nervous about it as I don’t know what to expect but I need support and I know I can’t do this alone. I want to heal and I want to feel like myself again. This community showed me so much love and support when I used it and I tried to do the same for those here. It really did help me until I convinced myself I didn’t need it. I saw a suggestion to write a letter about my relationship with alcohol, and I am going to try this. I need a game plan and ending the relationship I’m in feels awful but… I’m ready to make the change and know I can’t be around him. I have a gym membership that I never use and am going to try to go before work tomorrow. I am ready for this to be over, I want to be in control of my life and do the things I used to love. Thank you for listening, have a lovely evening (or morning or night) everyone. :heart:

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Wow. I feel the same way.

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you are really brave from what i read.

you can do it !!

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Me too. So ready. Back at day 1 tomorrow, again. I was doing so well and feeling so motivated. I don’t remember what happened to lead me to text him, I don’t feel any high, just disappointment and despair. It’s another lesson though, to make me stronger for a better tomorrow :muscle:t2:

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I know there are so many dealing with these struggles and we have to be there for each other becauae it often feels isolating and lonely. I think we can all hold a mirror up to one another and see some similarities in our struggles. Everyone is different in their struggles and their story but we are all here to heal and become better.

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Thank you. I don’t feel brave right now, I feel beaten down and lost and scared, but I hope with support and a working to change my perspective will be a new beginning. :heart:

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It’s difficult and we can’t blame others for out struggles and relapses…I have always found someone to blame. I’m missing him and feeling gutted :broken_heart: I need to put myself first… sometimes the people we love the most are the ones we can’t be around.

I use alone in secret, so I don’t have anyone to blame, it’s all on me. I’m trying to fill a void I just need to figure out how to handle that void in a healthy way.

You got this! Take it one day at a time. I agree though, you sound like a very strong individual from reading your story. If I could just say one thing, don’t beat yourself up. You know your mistakes and the things that are making you unhappy. You already got rid of the boyfriend that was bringing you down. That’s a huge step in the right direction. Make a new goal for tomorrow. And follow thru with it. Pray for strength, comfort, and healing. And see about some meetings in your area. Best of luck to you!

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I don’t know if he did bring me down but he’s quite a drinker and he probably handles it better than I do but I think I need to focus on myself. I also think that we enable each other…I don’t know I’ve been so extra lately and I hate it and it doesn’t feel like me.

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I do this as well. I’ve normalized it. Even this partner who I’ve left told me a few times I should cool it, hell go to bed and I stay up drinking watching shows whatever… I also take an anxiety medication which interacts negatively with alcohol, just another reason to stop. It’s hard when you turn to your vice when you’re alone, it’s not people that trigger or situations it’s…your own thoughts and head space that are hard to deal with. That’s why I’m planning to turn my negative headspace around, it’s too destructive when I try to numb it or ignore it so…changing it is the only option. Good luck :heart:

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Good luck to you too. I’m right in the middle of a realisation that I have be addicted to different things but always something, ever since I was a child. So I really don’t know how to do this, but I need to give myself the chance to find out.

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I know it’s tough! I’m on 7 days myself and I still can’t believe it. IT IS VERY POSSIBLE! I was absolutely reckless and causing all sorts of havoc in my life, let’s say it together! Enough is enough. Today is the day. Today is a new day and tomorrow you will wake up sober and with no hangover! :muscle::muscle:

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Well said! I’m ready to start over and I’ve already made some tough changes, I’m ready to set real goals and hope to share some milestones soon✌🏻

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I’m with you, let’s do this! :muscle:t2:

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