My trigger is mostly my husband and I believe I’m his

It’s like we wait for the other to mention getting high to make it okay. I love him in ways and I’m sure he loves me in ways but we are stuck. Problem is I’ve been married since 16 and his parents have been there to catch us if we fall. (Very big enablers) I think I’m ready to separate and get our lives together but my family is gone. I have me and 4 kids. I’ve never been on my own and I’m bipolar so I’ve taken and quit a lot of jobs. So I’m afraid. I’m afraid I’ll fall but there will be no one there to catch me. His family doesn’t like me. I don’t know if I can do it but I know it’s the only way to help the both of us. Wise words please?

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I am so sorry that you are dealing with this. My only advice would be to focus on yourself. Say no one moment at a time. Remove yourself from the situation if you can. Even if that means another room or going outside or to the grocery store or whatever. Maybe you can find some friends in an NA or AA meeting?
Do your kids live with you? Keeping them safe has to be a priority above all else.

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Welcome @Akaem !
Sorry to hear about your difficulties. The only thing I know is that putting yourself first and keep the children safe are top priorities. Maybe you want to join the thread about loved ones who are addicted Are you affected by a loved one who is an addict?

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@Akaem I wish I could help you, but leaving your husband when you have 4 kids, seems very risky. Many people get sober with spouses that don’t. I agree with the previous posts about focusing on your recovery and your kids as a top priority. Try to get to a 12 step meeting somehow. Take care. :unicorn::unicorn::unicorn:

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Try meetings. The orientation of the heart by listening to other addicts or folks with similar or worse experiences will lessen the burden and grant insight. You got this.

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My husband FOR SURE was my trigger. I kicked him out & filed for divorce 12 days later (yesterday). He is a sociopath & a narcissistic. This is the 1st time in my adult life I am 100% “on my own”. I have 3 amazing kids - but they are all adults now! This IS my 2nd marriage - no kids with this one - ironically when I told my adult kids their response was “about time”. Of course now he comes up with a lie to tell all our married friends so he can maintain his “victim” status - but I don’t care. I am divorcing him for the right reasons and I am at peace with my decision. I just don’t respond to the “are you ok” texts & VM’s. No time for that! My #1 priority is to stay sober and #2 is to be present for my kids! YOU GOT THIS! But only you can make that decision.

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@Akaem I noticed this was posted 2 days ago. Just wanted to check in with you, how are you doing? Are you and the kids okay?

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Maybe read Foundations. I’ve listed the info in my bio. While it is about estrangement, it is helpful to see the “roles” (including yours and how it will be both seen and typecast). If they have money and you try to break this family they support (so they value it for some reason) you can bet you and your lawyer will want to have read that book before you make any move. At the least it can help you avoid its topic and at the most it could help you realize you could be in much, much worse danger than you’re in. Probably because it looks so not dangerous at face value.

Take what works and leave the rest. I’ve done what you’re going to do and I lost one of my kids along the way to triangulation and generational abuse.

Staying sober through this… You’re going to want a program. Especially if you have no family and can expect no help with 4 dependents and less than 100% functional mental health.

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