My trigger my ex

As I’m trying to go on this sobriety journey I’m learning more and more of what triggers me and it has to be my ex…I was doing so good went to dinner with a friend but the restaurant side was full so we sat at the bar…well of course it’s a regular bar I’ve went most of my life the bartender automatically makes me a drink and I just look at it…so as I continue to look at the menu an old family friend sits across from me and proceeds to ask me about my ex and she’s shocked on how quickly he moved on after our break up and how someone told her he’s engaged…I felt my heart sink and with everything in me I chugged that drink so fast to not feel or shake off that emotion that was coming…and after that one drink came several after to the point where I txt my ex which I never ever do ugh
If anything instead of the alcohol taking me away from my feelings it put me in them just as fast… until I can control my feelings the drinking doesn’t help the fact I haven’t gotten over my ex…Alcohol wins yet again Jen 0


Alcohol most definitely won’t get you over your ex. It will just add one more thing you will have to get over.
One side-sober you has to ge over your ex
Other side-hungover you has to get ovet your ex and give up alcohol again.

I know which I would pick. You can do this.

Now is all that counts. He is in your yesterdays. And who knows what tomorrow will be. NOW, RIGHT NOW.


Its okay to push a drink back and say “No thanks, I really can’t tonight.” After all it is one day at a time…
My sponsor told me to STOP PICKING THE SCAB. 28 yrs together 14 of them sober and my ex offered me the drink thst started 14 yrs of in & out. And pure hell. Eventually he’d had enough. He had at least one affair, and he’s still with her. And me??? I struggle st times, but I don’t pick st that scan so much anymore. If I do, it doesn’t bleed anymore. Step 9 helped, but it was a letter because he refused to meet with me. And I cannot change him, only me.
The thing we choose to drink over has all the power. And we feel like crap, ashamed, and regret, …and start over…hopefully.
I can say it gets easier, I have fewer scabs. We’ve been apart 8 yrs. I’ve been sober for the last 4. And I promise, it does get better.
Let it go. You can’t change the past… THE FUTURE HOLDS HOPE, AND LIFE, SEIZE IT.


What @K-Tdid says really!
Don’t let any of this have any power over you.
It doesn’t have to!
Maybe stay away from those places until you’re strong enough to say " No " from the start.


Wow, thanks you for your wise words and honesty! What a powerful reply! I’m going to have to use this phrase in my own recovery. Over 2 and a half years clean and some of the scars are starting to turn to scabs again.


Sitting at a bar even at a restaurant is a major trigger for me and a boundary violation.

And I don’t even drink.


To me, especially the early days, I would have considered it halfway to a relapse.
It took me a couple of months to become comfortable with even entering a pub.
I can understand why it’s a boundary violation for you Kev.


Ahhh sweet I feel your pain but if your broken now’s the best time to grow strong and rebuild yourself,let him move on do the same don’t take no more time letting him fill your head and heart space your worth so much more I promise you if you don’t pick up that first drink you will re grow and you will love yourself again stay strong and reach out daily hourly if u need too we’ve all had our heart broken and it’s horrid but you are strong