WOW - 25 days is amazing. I know it’s rough but you are strong enough to keep living your life without this crutch.
I am sorry that you are dealing with so much. Are you feeling support from the treatment center? Hang in there my friend - keep fighting for yourself - you are worth a healthy addiction free lifestyle.
I can’t imagine all that you are experiencing and still holding it together. I do hope that you are able to feel relief soon. I know that when we are feeling so off that our patience levels are low and we do get agitated very quickly…im sure your family and bf understand this and know you mean no harm.
Many hugs my dear friend - please do love yourself and be proud of the accomplishments you have made so far. You are one hell of a tough cookie - keep strong and i do hope you keep checking in (hopefully writing it out and chatting with us will help lessen the emotional load).
Just one day at a time friend. You’ve come so far. 25 days is amazing. Try to remember where you are and how you feel is only a small moment in time and it will change for the better. Sending you much love and support.
Happy for you for all the progress you made. How much longer will you be at the treatment center? I’m glad you’ve found some things that help you chill out. Also glad you’re able to get in touch here. Hoping all emotions will get better and better each day and that you’ll be more and more settled. Big hugs.
Day 26.
I was talking with psychiatrist, who diagnosed me whem I arrived. It seems I have EUPD (emotionally unstable personality disorder). Another disorder to add into my list of disorders. This list still makes me realise it’s not just “I’m tired”, but bunch of traumas and things which happened to me and affected me a lot. It’s weird feeling.
This day is a bit better, but still feeling not that good. I will swim today, it helps to me.
You are you. And you are not your diagnoses, however many you might get from whatever person. Actually it’s very probable that every health person you meet, who is allowed to diagnose will put another diagnosis on you. It’s a very personal and very imperfect science. Use these diagnoses to get the help you feel you need. Disregard the others.
And a big yes to your traumas making you tired. Working on them and through them also is very tiring work, but it is worth the effort, as it will allow you to be less weighed down by them in the future. Keep going. Have a nice swim. Excellent plan X
That sounds good. Is there a way to let your bf be for the time you are there. Concentrating on you. I remember when I was in therapy, contact to the outside world was a no-no during the first weeks. It sounded hard and ‘whhhhhyyyyy’ and it was necessary somehoe I think now to focus on myself. Therapy is hard work. It’s exhausting. It’s internal work that consumes all the energy.
1 month. Day 31.
And I’m celebrating it with broken heart… Yeah, you heard good.
My now ex boyfriend broke up with me. He wrote me he lost feelings for me and that I’m way problematic because of disorders… I asked if we can talk about this all when I will come back and he wrote that “there’s nothing to discuss about”. What a freak…
So yeah. I’m not happy to come back to Prague, because I will need to move to another flat… Amazing. New wave of stress and anxiety arw coming for me. I need to find job immediately. I already wrote few emails, so good. Waiting for reply.
I called at night to my parents and explained situation. They told me I can be with them and that they will be happy to help me go though broke up. So… At least I will be somehwere in safe when I will move out.
It all is so messed up and I feel like I failed or what… I don’t understand why he did it to me, my brain still accepts it as a stupid prank and when I will come back home he will say “sorry. Stupid joke.”, but I know he means it serious.
Which explains why he stopped call me and write to me and basically take care of me.
I don’t know why from nowhere my life is again messed up. But… Yeah.
At Saturday I drive away and… I’m not prepared… Oh god…
Also… These were supposed to be presents for him…
I’m sorry Nastya. Despite the bad news I’m glad to see you here. And I’m glad you got a place to go when you go home (Prague that is).
Losing your boyfriend sucks. But please remember that you do all this for you. Your sobriety, your therapy, you working so hard on yourself. This is not for him or anybody else. Only for you. So you can have a better life. I’m proud of you friend. Keep going. X
You haven’t failed. This just isn’t the guy for you. Don’t let this take away any of your progress. You are working on yourself and that is all you can do. He is making choices for himself and you can only make choices for you.
That said, breakups are awful and I’m sorry this is happening to you. Try to process as much as you can with the people who are helping you now. Sending a hug.
Day 32.
From yesterday I know things about him, which made me being disgusted by him. He was lying behind my back and was talking about me to people not good things.
At evening he wrote me that I should stop acting like a kid and start be normal, that break ups happen and it’s nothing tragic and that he didn’t nothing wrong. In that moment I was talking with my friends and sended them this. We all were so angry. Especially me, because I asked him if he can now stop writting to me, if he wants to stay friends (friends after romantic love…? Maybe I’m boomer in this, but… Something says to me that it doesn’t mostly work…), but he didn’t respect that AND wrote to me these disgusting sentences? One of my friends said that what he wrote is so selfish and that he acts like he doesn’t know about my disorders and that I take things too close to my heart…
At night I vomited because of it. My body can’t take this… Too much disgusting.
What a freak…
