I am so sorry. I’m glad you will be returning to your family home. This person does not deserve the attention of someone so nice like you. I know you are hurt, I know you are suffering … I also know that one day you’ll find a better person more deserving of the love you have to offer. It’s awful timing for you and I’m so sorry. Big hugs for your hurts.
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Thank you so much.
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Aghh…
He blocked me everywhere, so I can’t even write to him about moving out stuff. If I will meet him with saying “Get out right now” I swear, I will smash his head into wall. I need to pick up things and only at Monday I can already move out… This is gonna be NIGHTMARE. I swear.
I’m so angry… He told me that I’m acting childish, but now he acts childish…
Day 33.
Last day in rehab. Can’t believe it’s now time to drive away back to Prague. Honestly… I want to stay in Italy so much… I don’t want to come on Sunday and meet HIM… He really disappointed me.
I wanted to write him, but then decided to just talk to people on one Discord server, so I can feel better. I vented to them about this whole drama shit with my ex boyfriend… And I got from one person this.
Honestly… It made me smile.
It’s so sweet from that person. He even in private texted to me. He made few nice poems just for me to feel better. I… I don’t know but he makes me feel better and smile, even if I feel down.What a sweet surprise at evening.
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Uhm, also. Sorry for quality of photo. Lately ma phone is being meh in taking good quality photos, my dad already told me to change phone. But I’m too much connected with my little silly phone, you know. It’s now 4 years old and still somehow functioning properly. 
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I’m so sorry your ex turned out to be such a douche bag. I do hope your meeting with him goes well for when you need to get your stuff back. You are so much better without him.
I love humanity! this person was so sweet to send you that message and the lovely poems - glad he made you smile.
4 years with this phone and it still works - that’s a mystery in itself. I know I have issues myself with switching phones but mine usually don’t last past 1.5-2 years LOL.
Sending you strength and love my friend - you are doing so great! 
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Thank you so much. Also yeah, it’s mystery! Maybe Huawei is really good at being alive for longer time… I remember when people laughed at me for having Huawei because it’s from China. xd
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Day 34.
Morning wasn’t really cool. My friend messaged me about that he found out that my ex boyfriend all this time when I was in Italy cheated with… You will not believe. With my ex gf, who talks about me shit after half year from our break up. OH MY GOOOOD. I messaged about this whole drama to my therapist and she was like “wow, this is really some difficult romantic and drama serial”.
I as well vented about my all feelings to that person, who texted me nice message. He listened to me and said I will be alright and that I deserve more better person than him. He’s so sweet! Especially when we’re now texting each other little cute emoticons. ^^
As well I’m ridding already to Prague. Oh god. It’s gonna be nightmare to see him. Good luck to me I guess. 
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We are here for you @nastya_is_fighting
That is alot of drama to deal with. I hope you are practicing self care during these stressful times.
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I practise. Deep breathing a lot helps me.
Also thank you a lot. No idea what Iw would do without you all. 
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Sending you strength and love my friend
Holy shit - that is a crazy plot teist. Im so sorry for all the drama.
Hoping you are able to get your stuff and leave and never deal with either of these people again.
We are here for you my friend
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Day 40.
Found job, working. I will be some time living with my parents. I want to find normal house, not some shitty, and believe me, in Prague normal ones cost pretty much. And honestly, I will stay for some time with bordeline mother than waking up in room full of bugs and messy… I hate bugs and messy a lot triggers in bad way my OCD.
It’s been already some time after broke up. I don’t talk to him anymore. He just found my private accaunt on Twitter and sended follow request, but I declined it. No idea where he found it, thought. I never mentioned about my private accaunt.
My best friend is now a lot helping me to get out from depressive episode. As well I started to (finally) work on my videogame. It’s so fun! Love it absolutely.
Yesterday I was at train ways. There are a lt of stones, so I decided to throw them. It really helped me for my angry issues, especially at this time.
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So good to see you Nastya – congrats on your 40 days and also finding a job!
i know its not ideal to be living at home but i’m glad that you do have a safe clean space for now while you work and safe up for your own place.
Good on you for declining his friend request - not sure what game your ex is playing but you deserve better and will shine without him.
So lovely - grateful for your friend! Yeah to spending time doing what you love
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Day 41.
Tommorow I will be back to work. I honestly can’t wait, work helps me to mainly focus on it and not on my anxious thoughts…
Today is chilling day. I’m watching my favourite YouTuber from my childhood (TheBrianMaps, I think if someone is here as well russian and young adult, they could know about him) and I’m adding arts and stuff into my best friend’s sketchbook, which he gave to me. He said it will be now ours and there we will share our feelings and thoughts. I think it’s amazing idea!
Also thinking of that my birthday is each day closer and closer makes me feel kind of anxious, but as well excited. I’m still thinking of what I should do on my birthday… Hmm…
Also when comes Autumn and my birthday, of course I can’t forget about Halloween! I’m so excited for Halloween. In Czech Republic we don’t celebrate it, but I celebrate it for my own happiness. From childhood I love it. I remember my first costume for Halloween was actually a ghost. xD This time I want to cosplay GhostFace or some vampire… Hmmm…
As well I had few days very big issues with self-harm thoughts. I thought I will relapse… But I didn’t. I’m now really glad. My body doesn’t need any new cuts or whatever it can be. It deserves love and kindness, not blood and pain.
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So happy to read this my friend! SO grateful to see you loving yourself and treating yourself with love and care.
Halloween is my favorite - looking forward to what you come up with for your costume 
Have a great day back at work! Much love Nastya
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Thank you a lot.
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Day 42.
Monday working is behind my back now. It was fine. I’m just not used for a lot of people coming here. Social anxiety, you know. But I do try my best. I already learnt which sentences to say without any thinking of what to say.
After my work I was with my father, he bought for us vegan cheeseburgers. I told him I try to find one deluxe milkshake from McDonald’s, but after first trying it dropped to backrooms or what… I think it was limited and when I for first time bought it, it already ended. Meh. Nevermind, maybe next Summer they will bring back?
As well my mother’s teeth started horribly hurt tonight, so at morning she was at dentist. Now she’s fine. I’m glad honestly, I was worried for her. In my family we all have issues with teeth (even me).
Life seems to getting better, I have job and meet nice people at work and at Internet, but still. I have some emptiness in my chest. I try to avoid it, because I don’t want to fight with it. I want to have energy for job. But I can hear how my emptiness is saying to me that we don’t have friends anymore. That we don’t have someone who would love me and that no one will actually love us, because od who I am. It makes me feel anxious. I say to it that I accept and love myself for who I am, but emptiness ignores it. I don’t know what to do.
In some kind of this hurts what it says. Because most of people who I ever met just used me, no matter for what. But as well I find more peace to be with myself, so I guess, it’s okay for now.
Everything comes with the time.
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Keep filling that emptiness up with your own love. 🩵
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You are doing so well Nastya - i’m sorry for the emptiness. i know you have people that love you and care for you. Your ex’s don’t deserve you. You have a beautiful personality and deserve to be surrounded by people that will lift you up and bring you joy.
So lovely that you are finding peace with yourself and learning to love the amazing human that you are- i totally get this. I’ve found in the past few years that i am my best friend and best company.
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Thank you. How my mother once said, you can be the worst enemy to yourself, or the best friend.
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