Day 43.
Inside of me is fighting two sides - first is forgive and keep going and second is kill everyone. Aggression inside me is again getting bad, because of emptiness in my chest. I’m right now on my way to work and for my own safety I listen right now to Cannibal Corpse. They always help me to make lesser my aggression. Metal is really sometimes saving my ass.
I need as well already some rain or storm. It’s so hot here, I can’t even normally breathe. I hate Summer! I need Halloween, seriously!
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Day 44.
…
I don’t know how to start… Because morning was horrible. I had anxiety attack and I relapsed in self-harm. Too much feeling of guilty for being who I am and for my disorders. I still wonder, why he did to me that. It hurted. It still hurts. And he’s happy. It’s not fair.
I didn’t go to work. I said I’m just sick. My sister came to check on me, made for me spaghetti and said father bought tiramisu yesterday and that originally it’s for me as a support. At least thank you for wonderful dad and sister. I don’t know how I would do it without them.
I’m having all day some tics or stimming. I can’t normally say what it is. My hands are really badly shaking…
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oh my beautiful friend - i am so very sorry love. I am grateful for your father and sister. 
your ex does not deserve you. i don’t why people do what they do to hurt us but do know that you are special and will be so much better off without your ex.
i do hope your day has gotten better my friend. Glad that you did take the day off of work - do hope you take this time to love yourself and take care of you. You have no reason to feel guilty - i love your spirit and love and compassion for everyone around you. Please hold some of that love and compassion for yourself 
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Just checking in…how are you doing?
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Yesterday was awful at morning. He texted me. “You’re so annoying with your disorders”… He wrote it when I was at work. He triggered me a lot, so I had severe anxiety attack. I thought I will call ambulance because 45 minutes straight I wasn’t normally breathing…
He didn’t even say sorry for what he wrote like I did…
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You take care of you Nastya. Work on you. I’m glad you’re here. x
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Thank you a lot.
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Oh that is awful!!!
What an utter asshole hes turned out to be. Im sorry he wrote that and triggered an anxiety attack.
Can you block him? You do not need tgis negativity in your life.
I read that you are moving in with your best friend. I rhink this will be good for your health.
Much love my friend- i hope you enjoy your day off today
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Hey Nastya
How are you doing my friend? Have you moved into your friends place - how is it going?
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Thinking about you @nastya_is_fighting
You’ve been through so much.
Hoping you’re okay and if you’re not that you will get through whatever Is going on. Sending strength.
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Thank you a lot. I’m after car accident and I feel so… So strange. My life went so much weird after broke up with him.
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I’m so sorry love - are you ok? Anybody hurt?
Hope things start getting easier and better for you. Are you still living at home or have you moved in with your friend?
you were missed - hope to see your brightness around more often
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You OK friend?
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I’m okay. Driver who smashed my front of the car isn’t… I hope he’s okay, thought, even if I was angry at him, that he wasn’t careful.
From the start of school year I will move to my best friend.
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Yeah, I was really lucky
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Grateful you are ok. Sorry that the driver is not ok - sending healing thoughts for them. I would have been angry as well and glad to see your compassion.
Much love Nastya. School year is about to start so wish you luck with your move. Glad you are talking with someone lovely who is seeing you for the beautiful person that you are
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Whats going on love - how is September treating you so far?
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Hey Nastya - just thinking of you and missing you.
How are you doing my dear friend?
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