Okay so I been dating my boyfriend for about a year, I literally love him so much with all my heart. He’s helping me quit alcohol and he’s always there for me and is just really supportive. He’s the only person that I have that supports me and is proud of me so I’m really attached to him he’s my best friend. But he is going to end up leaving me after he finishes university and get ready for marriage because his mother wants him to marry a girl of the same religion and race. I definitely not ever changing my religion especially for a boy even with how perfect he is. I also knew about this before we ended up dating but now I’m really attached. But I been in a depressive state and been getting intrusive thoughts such as wanting to break up with him because now I just became not okay with the relationship anymore and mentally I can’t deal with the thought of losing him so I want to lose him now instead of losing him later. But idk what I want because I know it will hurt me a lot if I break up with him. And idk if breaking up with him will send me into a spiral and make me lose all the progress I have already made I’m almost at 2 months sober now from alcohol.
You want sobriety, correct?
Congratulations on making it this far. One day at a time is key. Thinking about what may or may not happen is usually not good. Of course being prepared for something is a good idea. Maybe try discussing your feelings with him. It sounds like he is very supportive. You never know what can happen between now and graduation. Life is full of surprises. Did you see yourself here 6 months ago?
I think with a relationship, it’s important to share the same values and want the same things in life whatever that may be but also its important that you’re able to compromise because every individual has individual needs and values that can’t be shared by default.
If you have both had different religious upbringings and they are staple to the way you conduct your lives and it’s not something either of you can compromise on, the question you ought to ask yourself is are your religions compatible and do your religions share the same value structure and and do your religions allow a intereligous relationships?
Ultimately you should base your relationship on your shared values and what you want out of life because in however many years time, that passionate love you’re describing is going to decrease and the companionship love is going to increase.
He may have helped you get sober but it’s not his responsibility to keep you sober - Your sobriety is your responsibility whether you break up with him now or later. All the best.
Yes, but idk what I want to do with him
I seen myself in a better place to be honest I thought I was going to move out of the abusive home I’m living in and I thought I would of been farther along with being sober from alcohol
The rest is out of your control.
Life never seems to go the way we plan for it to go. Focus on your road to recovery as much as you can. Relationships can create detours when we loose track of our personal goals.
Our values are pretty much the same I’m a Christian and he’s Muslim. He obviously cares about his mothers feelings about wanting him to marry a woman of the same race and religion more then me and that’s 100% fine because family is forever. If I had a family like his I wouldn’t want to disappoint them either. Im not saying that he is responsible for me staying sober but I feel really flimsy right now and idk if I would be able to be strong. He would still be apart of my life. But my feelings rn are hard to control and I’m in a depressive state and I am scared about how bad it’s going to be when he breaks up with me later on.
Its a bitch.
Somewhere on this, you’ll become stronger. Most of us had to go through it.
Yes it just makes me sad that the first person that really showed they care about me is soon gonna not be in my life and that’s really scary for me and idk for some reason I just wanna end it. I will stay on my road to recovery I’m sure.
Yeah, I’m just being a wimp because I literally been alone my whole life and been abused and ridiculed. I was not feeling this sad
I’ve relapsed over broken relationships. You don’t have to take my advice but my advice is don’t relapse… Deal with the emotions, be sad about it and give yourself time to feel it out without using alcohol as a way to feel better/forget it/suppress it. You’re going to have to deal with it and it’s better to deal with it sooner and sober rather than later and dead.
It’s your first time, you’re not a wimp.
Its just time to learn about detachment, calmly. With your God.
We all do emotional things, its okay.
Reality is back in.
Your high from the relationship has ceased.
However, your recovery is what is first. God will lead you. He made that promise.
Has HE actually told you this or are you just assuming, as an alcoholic/addict I can make a whole story up I’m my head based on an assumption and then find out I just didn’t wait for the truth…
Also I know I can never rely on another person to keep me sober so working on my sobriety must come first.
I hope you come to a decision that’s best for you and your sobriety
Igh young love.
I understand the sentiment you started dating and felt a connection with this young man, he then supports you on your sobriety journey but the reality kicks in, once he finishes school it may be a finish to your relationship due to religious beliefs and family wishes.
Your getting attached. Of course you are its human nature. I have been there too many times you meet someone decide that limited dating or friends with benefits is a good idea and boom your in a relationship, we have all done it.
In the end what does he want? Did anyone ask him that? I can understand the going against the family can be very very difficult and possibly cause lifetimes of resentments but like most human beings I’m sure he wants to be happy.
Part of your answer you answered yourself, you said he is very supportive of your sobriety and is the only one who cares. I have no idea what part of the world you are in, buy youbmay need to get some sort of in life network, possibly through places like AA, NA etc. You are also quite young if I remember 19? So it may be hard to find people in that age group but your ahead of the game.
I think you guys need to sit down and talk unfortunately the way you talk its break up now or later either way the relationship has a shelf life
I would probably just break up with him now after a talk about the reasoning for the break up. If he really loves you watch how fast he can change his parents minds.
Let it go and do you.
What sort of supports do you have in place for your recovery? I get the feeling that your family isnt one of them, so other then this app what are you doing to make sure you dont use again?