Been in rooms for 20 years. Mostly AA but also tried a few NA and OA (anorexia/bulimia). Currently doing CODA steps. Chemicals (mostly rx prescribes) drug of choice but lately daily daily drinking again. Initially had 9 years, then maybe 5, 2 years twice and relapsed again in the last year.
I want to stay stopped but have relapsed so many times and with less time in between. It would devastate my family if they know the truth although they may suspect but prefer not to know. I don’t think husband has surviving another relapse in him. I can’t face hurting him or being honest with my sponsor or the same faces in the rooms.
Need somewhere where I can be completely honest without fear. Major trust issues.
I’m doing zoom meetings. Last drink yesterday. I want and have prayed so much for it to be finished. Need suggestions and a place to be honest. Thanks.
Welcome to the forum @GodWon. We will respect your choice to remain anonymous and we will always have your back albeit through tough love sometimes if necessary
welcome!! You came to the right place!! I have been in your situation with alcohol and this time I am putting my foot down. You will see that here you can open up, and feel so good about it!! Your peers here are very uplifting and supportive and very resourceful. Stick with it, and keep coming back, we are here for you. We’ve all been there.
This is a great place. I finally started AA because of people here, after it being suggested to me many times before. But I also found the varied approaches to recovery and overall community here were every bit as helpful! This place is like my always-on, meeting in my pocket.
So whatever you might find, know that we’ve got your back too! And folks here are generally as respecting of anonymity as well.
Welcome! Its amazing you wont give up fighting. Always remember if you need help that there is always, I mean ALWAYS, someone here to talk to. Telepathic hug! Cuz you know, no touching.
It doesn’t matter where you go your still carrying the deceit around with you. Do tell your sponsor its what they are there for and will totally understand and want to help you. I don’t know the reaction of your family but honesty is always the best policy and lies have a way of coming back and biting us in the arse. While you’re plucking up the courage to do this stay and post on here bc just like your sponsor we are here to help not judge.
I made it through the day. Night time is usually easier. I did a zoom meeting today too. Thank you all for the encouraging words. I feel better confessing here. I have never left AA since 2000. I never stopped meetings. I am so happy to have made it through the day. I haven’t been able to do on my own. I go to bed every night saying I’m done and then I’m not. Right here right now I’m ok and sober. Thank you for being there for me today.
And we’ll be here tomorrow, when you wake up. Then the next day … it’s a great forum. Where you based? Day/night might be different. England for me but I’m Irish . Stay strong
Hi @GodWon you’re in the right place welcome!!! I love this forum, there are so many good people here to help. Definitely a safe place to let your feelings out I’m glad you’re here!
I’m American and live in Florida. My great grandmother and grandfather were from Ireland and my dad’s parents were born in Germany. Very proud of our heritage. Yes the time difference is a good point. Thanks.
Thank you. Very good points. I am optimistic and hopeful. I have the worst self esteem with no basis. What I mean is I am fit, healthy, successful in all other areas, giving, spiritual and rely and use many recovery tools. I have tried counseling in the past - 2 years straight and again recently but felt it wasn’t helping. Still as you mention I need outside help to dig deeper - from my HP, others in the program, a sponsor I can be completely open with. Glad to be here. I WILL do this with help. Thank you.
Struggling today. I have to go out tomorrow for a hair appointments and I really want to be bad. I don’t really want to but I’m also scared. Today is day 3! Woot woot! I have a meeting at 10 am before I go get hair done but it’s not uncommon for me to finish and then be bad. I know stay where my feet are. Right now I’m safe and will not drink the rest of the day. I’m not sure why I’m in tomorrow!! Just need to be honest.
Ok so my HP helped out and removed my reason to go to lunch with a high risk person. Still getting my hair done and have a zoom meeting. Then have to do step work/writing for a Wednesday meeting with sponsor. Putting it out there. Here’s to another day sober.
Keep on keepin on with that step work pal.
I read a lot of guilt and shame and Fear in your post.
That’s what the steps are is getting past that stuff. Getting honest with ourselves and another human and Our Higher Power.
Maybe give a look at what step your on.
Step 1. I can’t
Step 2. He can
Step 3. I think I’ll ask His help
. Stay strong 
and my dad’s parents were born in Germany. Very proud of our heritage. Yes the time difference is a good point. Thanks.
