Need help getting my head straight

Hello everyone… and thank you for posting all the positively!
Ive been trying to be sober from alcohol through all the “on my own” methods for almost 3 years. I’ve installed and uninstalled this app several times even though I find it very helpful when my head is in the right place.
Finally I walked into a recovery center the other day and signed up for IOP. I start on the 25th. Today is day 4 without a drink. Detox wasn’t bad since I’m a binge drinker…more like a bad hangover for a day.
The stumbling block for me is “never having another drink in moderation”.

I’ve tried it over and over…gone days, weeks, months without a drink… Then I have one at a meal or something…and subtly over time, days weeks, months…I’m right back down the rabbit hole.
I cannot get my head right about this. I already want to cancel the program I joined…ugh!
Suggestions welcome :pray:
Thanks in advance :relaxed:

Ps…I wrote this draft around 8/20 and forgot to post it🙄.
IOP is going well, learning a lot. Finding the groups very supportive and helpful to know I’m not alone.
I lean more toward the Smart Recovery path, but no in person meetings nearby so I finally went to my first AA meeting today and really enjoyed it.
A few relapses since this all started but minor ones compared to my regular pattern, with the exception of Sunday night. So with my migraine / hangover, I of course finished the last couple shots in the bottle so that there’s none in the house. Heaven forbid I flush that poison down the drain​:roll_eyes::roll_eyes:
My husband “held the mirror in front of my face” first thing this morning and I HATE what I see and who I’ve become and how much I’ve hurt my loved ones. I need to beat this! I AM AN ALCOHOLIC!
There…I said it will sink in!
Thanks everyone :heart:

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Remember that alcohol is your enemy…Going to rehab is a great start on the right path. Are there enabling or toxic friends and situations that need you need to walk away from to protect your sobriety?

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Most of us resist admitting we are alcoholics. Being alcoholics means continued drinking will get worse. never better! Thanks for sharing! It sounds like you’ve broken down some big obstacles towards recovery! Nice!
:muscle:

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Just keep your head in the right place look at it like your training for a marathon. You can get so much and learn alot from the treatment you signed up for and pick up some useful insight and suggestions to how people are able to overcome alcoholism. Do your best and never give up or give in an you will manage to finish what seems like a daunting task. We’re all here rooting for you!:+1:

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Ive had a couple of toxic friends that were making things impossible…but thats been fixed quite a while. I’m blessed to have mostly supportive people in my life which is why I want to beat this. Thanks :blush:

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Not drinking forever terrifies me.
I just can’t.
And all the romanticizing about my next drink tortured me for the longest time in my early sobriety.
Gratitude is my best tool in my sober toolbox. I never miss a day posting it here on the gratitude thread. I got so much to be grateful for now that I’m sober. Every day.
So, “I’m not drinking today! And I’m probably not drinking tomorrow.” That’s the best I can do right now. And it’s working.
Along with checking in here every day.
:pray:t2::heart:

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That’s awesome…and thank you!
Between the IOP, AA, and other sober friends I keep hearing similar comments from those who have said the same and been successful.
Today is day 3 (again) so I’m trying it the way you mentioned…each morning…and so far…despite some daily triggers (ptsd)…I’ve had no desire.
:pray::pray::pray:I can stay consistent…I dont want to go back…EVER!
Thanks again…hope you have a great day!

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I had several “not too bad” relapses, that degenerated into “just as bad, if not worse” relapses, too. I had to truly get that there is no happy ending for me if I drink, it is a ticking time bomb. ‘the first drink is the most important’ is what I tell myself if I start romanticising ‘one’.

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Read the big book. If there’s anything that you can relate to in it, I recommend doing the steps.

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I love that…thank you!!!

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Finally got one today…thank you!

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Don’t think about that. Just don’t drink today. Its a simple as that. Stay out of your head. Stay busy. Use that IOP for all it’s worth. :v: