I need help tonight. I feel like I’m heading for a relapse. I’ve tried coloring, taking a shower, and writing. I cant talk to my sponsor so I’m reaching to this community. Im on day 6 and so far I have not made it past this day. My body is craving my DOC which is porn and masterbating. I’ve kept walls up for years and I’m tired of people thinking I’m this perfect Christian girl that has it all together. I’m tired of this addiction. I’m tired of trying to numb the pain of my childhood. During my childhood I was molested from the age of 5 until I was about 13. My parents also wasnt around much either. Since I was about 6 years old I have struggled with this addiction. At 6 I thought sex was normal and that I didn’t have a problem. I apologize about my post being all over the place as I have alot on my mind. I needed to get this out tonight. Im struggling really bad.
I’m so sorry you’re struggling Hannah.
My doc is different (alcohol), but my childhood experience sounds very similar to yours (age 6 to 12 though), and I struggled to get past 6 days for a very long time. I’m hoping others have better advice, but in the meantime, perhaps look at the following? For as long as you can 
Yes it is❤
You doing ok? Hang in there. How about fractals for distraction?
My mind is sorta off of it right now. But I’ve took my night meds and I’m laying in bed so I may be asleep in a little bit.
Hey @Wildchild,
Have you thought about putting some blocks on your phone or computer to protect yourself in case you fall into a moment of unclarity?
I’ve had a lot of success with this.
I have it blocked on my phone.
I like the video
Cool. What blocker are you using? I’m just interested.
By the way, good job on Not Craving Alone. It really helps.
I use Google. I just have the one to filter explicit results on Google.
Congratulations on surviving day 6! Hope you feel better to tomorrow. I’m going to bed myself.
Thank you so much
Okay,
I was actually referring to something a bit more powerful.
For me, to keep myself from cheating my filters, I use a few app blockers. One is Lock Me Out. In order for me to browse the web right away, I would need to get a new device. It helps a bit to make it difficult for my addict to act out when I get the urge. Easy access to porn is a HUGE trigger for me. I have to respect that. So I make a smart decision to set up these boundaries to prepare in advance when I’m suffering through a moment of unclarity.
I also have Covenant Eyes on my phone as well.
I’ll have to look into that. Thanks for telling me about that
I’m Christian. I’m 30 days no pmo, 290 days no alcohol, 200 days no cannabis 22 days no junk food binges. Get on your knees and pray as much as possible for god to remove your lust. Get out n exersize walk spend time with people you love do something nice for someone
I don’t have a porn blocker, I just steer myself away from sites with triggering material songs etc and if I catch myself perving in public I take an action step to correct my behaviour because that’s also a trigger
Not that I’m perfect or anything but I’ve tried porn blocker before and relapsed anyway it’s not foolproof!
I am finding opening up to others really helpful. @Wildchild a good way to combat isolation and loneliness is developing relationships where we are able to be vulnerable and transparent.