I feel like I’ve hit a wall. My Aunt is dying of cancer and we are very close. I’m on day 8 and every day to every other day it seems I’m getting worse news per her condition. I’m scared to steer my focus. Last year her husband died and I had already begun tapering, but watching a grandfather figure dying day after day, I ended up screwing up. I’ve managed to stay extremely positive until about 10am when even greater bad news came. I have suffered with anxiety for a long time but have been able to control it for the most part recently. I had a full on panic attack this morning and am still clueless on how to rid myself of anxiety and support my Aunt while going through all this. Please… I feel so lost!
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I’m very new here, but wanted to reach out. I am so sorry about what you are going through. I lost my dad to cancer - yesterday was 14 years. It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to scream and it’s okay to be angry. We all deal with stress and grief in different ways. I don’t have a solid answer for your attacks, but you are stronger than you think. And it’s even okay to not feel all that strong all of the time. Lean on your family and friends. Lean on people in here. Go spend time with her and your loved ones. She is probably stronger than you realize, too, and only wants to spend time with you. But you aren’t alone. 
Drinking or using is only going to steal or dull the last moments you may have with her away from you. That isn’t a very good feeling. 
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@Lise It sounds like you’re going through a very stressful time. Are you getting enough sleep ? A relative of mine had a similar experience and was taken, reluctantly, to a doctor. He prescribed her something to help her sleep, for a short period of time, to reduce her stress levels. It might be something that you could look into ?
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I kind of feel like Im all over the place. I cried and was going crazy, part of it was added stress from my Dad. He and I just spoke and I explained how having any added pressure on me is not something I can handle. I forced myself to sleep which usually helps with my anxiety and no, I am certainly not getting sufficient sleep yet. I woke up to see a message from my sister. She tells me she will be coming into town in a few days. She and I are not close and after a year of not speaking (again), we just started talking a little maybe a month or 2 ago. It’s a good thing for my Aunt, but kind of scary for me. I wasn’t expecting to see her or her husband (who still isn’t talking to me) until Christmas. I figured I’d be more prepared by then.
This is just a lot right now. So much death around me on a constant basis. I spoke to my dear friend’s mom the other day, he would have been 29 a few days ago. Found out he saved a 21 year old due to being an organ donater which made me smile. Then I see my buddy driving our just recently passed friend’s car 2 days ago. Kinda feel like I’m spinning.
Today is not the day but tomorrow my car comes out of the shop after 5 weeks of body work thanks to a lovely florida driver smashing the entire drivers side. (If you don’t know, FL DRIVERS CANT DRIVE!) Tomorrow I shall face the music and visit my Aunt. I have put it off for days. All this is very recent and all started a day before I started my detox. I assumed as the doctors said prior to her surgery my Aunt should be fine. He was wrong.
@Lise I feel for you. Sounds like it’s coming at you from all angles. Just remember there is only so much you can do. You need to take care of yourself and it’s ok to do that. This stressful time won’t last forever even though it probably seems like it will. Keep venting on here if it helps we are here to support you.
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Thanks @Karen, it definitelty helps a lot!
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