Need someone to talk to!

I’m 3 in a half months sober.
An addict of opiates & benzos 10+ years.
Been married for 10 years (hes also an addict, hes also clean w me now)
Don’t know how I feel about our relationship.
We have 2 kids together.
I hit my goal of 90 days , & now I feel so lost.
My mother passed away in April. (She was my best friend).
I feel like im only staying sober for my children.
I feel discontent right now, out of place…
Has anyone had these issues?
Id appreciate if someone could share their experiences with me… I’m trying to stay strong…
But right now, I don’t feel strong.

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Get grief counseling, ASAP. Losing your mother can be one of the most difficult losses to get through. Be patient with the process, don’t make any major life decisions right now, save from doing what you need to do to stay sober and dealing with grief. It can take years to really feel normal.

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Years to feel normal from greif or in sobriety?
& I work my ass off, & between work and my children im pretty busy .
I can’t even think about my mother, look at her pictures… Nothing.
I chose not to deal with it at the moment because as you said… I need to make sure my sobriety is secure. I feel like if I go into my mothers passing… I’ll lose my shit.
I’m as big of an “addict” as they come… So I pray, work, kids, put on my fake happy face and keep it moving… I don’t know what to do about my relationship w my husband. We’ve been high together since day 1. These 3 months are our first time together sober… In 10 years!
About using… I tell myself I just can’t do it and pray … I know my kids need me. But… This is reality… What does it take for me to truly be happy?!

I feel like crying, just for the fact that i got two responses from “my people”… Yall understand me.
I was in a huge recovery house … Like a powerhouse for AA. Im an addict but got sober off AA (I believe its all the same, the book is amazing… As long as we’re sober who cares what we used to mask our feelings?)
Im scared to talk about my mother… As im literally keeping it together one day at a time.
But… I question… Does it get better than this?
The first time I was in rehab… I was there for almost 6 months (i was 10x happier… But of course I was happier… I was free of reality and responsibility) - so this time, i did it on my own… And even though I’m doing it and made it this far along by myself… Its the REAL deal. As in… Real life situations… If im making any sense at all?

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I lost one of my best friends this past april as well. I struggled with drinking to cope. Still trying to get a handle on it. I understand how hard it is. I wish I had some life changing advice I could give. But ive just been taking it one day at a time. And know that you are not alone.:heart:

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Yes one day at a time… But it’s so hard. People say they’re grateful to be an addict/alcoholic…
I wouldn’t wish this disease on anybody. I hate being this way.

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I do too. Thats why i love this app theres no judgement here. Always someone to talk to.

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Yesss. I love it. I do wish the whole world was supportive like this app.
Its so lonely sometimes.

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Ah @TaylorMarie - staying clean and sober for ninety days while feeling weighted down with grief is so huge. I know you don’t feel strong right now, but you are demonstrating every single day that you have great resilience. Ninty days tends to bring up huge emotions in people, even those who are not dealing with grief and loss. I was freaking spider monkey nuts around that time.

It gets better. I promise, it gets better. Know that you are not alone, and please reach out here when you need someone. :heart:

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Hi Taylor… I’m really sorry to hear about your mom. We don’t have that in common, but I can relate to most of everything else you wrote. My DOC is alcohol however.

Your world was turned upside down in April… Please give yourself some time with your decision with your husband. Nothing has to be decided right now.

Once I made a resolution to just let go of what I wanted in a relationship, since I knew it wasn’t going to happen anytime soon, I had a weight lifted off my shoulders. It calmed my mind and my soul. I made the decision to focus on myself and my children. Granted, if your spouse is causing problems then that will be hard to just look past. However if you two amicably co exist in your home, try to do this for as long as possible. 90 days sober was a terrible time for me, no clue why. But my mind was unhappy. I felt unfulfilled. I dug deeper into the root of my issues, and started to resolve things that had been weighing on me. I got a lot of good advice here and trust me the last thing I wanted to hear was just stick it out longer with him and work on your sobriety. But right now, with the stability that I get from this situation, I’m content with where I’m at now. And feel ready to make a step towards my relationship or away.

Also I try not to think too far in the future with things with my husband, I take them one day at a time and this helps that anxious feeling like I need to figure things out NOW.

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Ahhh I can’t even tell y’all how much i love your support and kind words. I still feel like shit but y’all made me feel alot better!! I’m trying you guys im trying, I hope my sobriety does get better…
Because if i could explain it (my world before was a busy colorful miserable mess and now my life is a black-white TV w/no profanities. Lmao! Gosh the change in my life is so different now.
I love not being dependent on something… But its like im living a completely new life (literally am)… Its just hard sometimes.

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Sending you lots of love and praying for you to receive extra courage and strength :two_hearts:

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I had a terrifying few hours on the psych ward once where my emotional experience was so intense I was absolutely pinned to the wall inside, while I thrashed about in my head and started behaving erratically. It turned out to be a bad reaction to new meds, but I actually came out of it with a new strength. Some of the hardest hours of my life, I didn’t understand why my mind was not permanently broken after what it had gone through. But I did it, and without hurting myself, and now I know I can survive. Now when I am experiencing overwhelming circumstances, I remember the experience and getting through it, and remember that I am strong regardless of whether I feel strong. I can do things that I think I can’t.

I wish I had something more directly relevant to share. I just don’t have much experience with the same things you do. Just wanted to express whatever support I could :slight_smile:

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I feel the same way sometimes… But i feel for me anyway, that im a better person period when im sober… You really have to want sobriety for yourself… For me personally, my life got completely out of control and i lost my kids. I have 4 kids and its miserable without them. So at first i did it for them then relapsed. Then being without them for a few months took its toll on me so i had to get clean to get them back because the pain of being without them was too much. Im still working on getting them back and i lost them in april… My advice to any mother, is to not push your luck in not losing your kids due to your addiction… Its the most miserable guilt ridden feeling to leave your kids without a mother cuz i wanted to be selfish and keep using… I wish i could go back and not let shit get out of hand like it did. But i let it cuz i got away with it for so long i got to the “it wont happen to me” stage. So my advice is to stay sober for yourself if you know you dont wanna be without your babies… Good luck girly… Sobriety does get better❤

Being i see your an opiate addict… The only thing i can relate is that i had mental blocks and lots of confusion until i was 6months clean. Life was going well i just had no sexural desire at all. I just wasnt intrested at all. Then at 6 months things started coming together. Hopefully things will for you too… Hang in there gurl!

Hey I read this earlier tonight and have been trying to find the right words to respond.

I don’t have to much in common with you in regards to your DOC or having children but I can relate to how you are feeling at 90 days… Bc for me at 90 days I was feeling pretty shitty.

I was sent to rehab courtesy of the Navy… It was a 30 day impatient program… Before that I had admitted myself to the psyche ward on suicidal ideations… I was drunk when I got there and didn’t realize that I was on the detox ward for 4 days… I was married at the time I knew deep down I had a problem I have known since I was 18, I tired to stop a few times and woukd last 3 months and then I would rationalize why it was okay to start drinking again…

By the time I got to treatment I still wasn’t convinced that my life was all that bad, I thought if my husband loved me than I could love me and that would be enough… It didn’t work… I got home from treatment and he told me he was leaving me… I thought what’s the point in staying sober… I only did this for him anyway…

I drank for another 8 months, but it was worse than ever… I was sick every day until I had a drink… I drove all the time, slept around, served my country all under the influence of alot of vodka… This was normal though… I started to hate myself n prayed for death that never came…

One day someone helped me and it was at the right moment… I was ready to change…

That moment is when I started loving myself a little bit more…

Getting clean is not something that you can do for others, bc other ppl will always let you down… You can only do it for you, u obviously love yourself bc you made a choice to change… Regardless of how you feel right now… I will tell you a secret… Feelings aren’t facts…

Feelings are fickle… I love my fiance but somedays I can’t stand him and want to leave… Never make decisions when you emotional… The best thing to do is focus on what you are doing in the relationship and for yourself and see how you can improve things… Focusing on the other person will drive you crazy bc you can’t control their actions as much as us women would like to lol

Just know that what you are doing is not easy… You are a warrior… And you are strong… Love your self and when you are scared pray… Find hope that tomorrow is going to be better…

You’re mother is with you and is proud of you find strength in that… Use her as a guiding force to help you when you feel weak…

I lost my poppop not long ago and it’s not easy but I just always keep the thought with me that he is pushing me to do better… I know he is and I can feel him all the time…

If u need to talk one on one hmu

You got this

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Hey sweetie! I just wanted to tell you, it gets better! My DOCs were opiates and benzos as well. I’m 16 months sober, and I’m finally starting to feel “normal”, and every day is such a blessing! It absolutely amazes me how different things are now. One thing I learned going through rehab last year was about brain chemistry and how it’s affected by drug use. Opiates and benzos both mess up brain function, but the brain can heal itself! Unfortunately it takes time. But it’s worth the wait! Our bodies naturally produce endorphins, seratonin, oxytocin, etc. These chemicals make us feel happy. When we take drugs, we get these chemicals synthetically, and eventually our bodies stop producing them naturally. When we stop taking drugs, our brains stop getting those “happy” chemicals, and we feel sad, depressed, anxious, etc. Our brains crave those chemicals, and will do almost anything to get them, including returning to drugs. That’s addiction and dependency. If we can stay off the drugs, our brain starts to “reboot”. Eventually, given time to heal, our brains will start naturally producing the good chemicals sgain! This can take different amounts of time depending on the person, but typically happens between one year, and 18 months. I know it seems like a long time to wait to feel okay again, but it is so worth it! There are things you can do in the meantime. First, go to meetings. Work a program. Also, something that helped me immensely is using the herbal supplement Valerian Root. My sponsor suggested it to me, and it’s worked miracles! Do some research on it, and try it out! It’s also a sleep aid, if you take enough, so that helps too. I take one in the morning, and one at night, and it doesn’t make me too sleepy to function. I like the Walmart brand, and it’s cheap! Also, look into counseling. I know this sounds like a broken record, but it will help! Find someone who specializes in addiction and grief counseling! Good luck, and God bless! P.S. I’m here if you’d like to talk!

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But stuffing it in is only going to come back and rear its ugly head. It can take years. Not dealing with it almost guaranteed that. If you take your ling-term sobriety seriously, you’d deal with the loss. It will be worth it in the long run.

Hey, benzos was a major part of my addiction as well. They are particularly tricky. @QueenQuill said pretty much all of it. The benzos mess with gaba, which is part of the majority of brain function. It can take a while to get your brain back on track. I’m just shy of 18 months and things still continue to change. Just the other day I had a hard look at my journey so far and was surprised how much things have changed! The way i deal with anxiety is so much better! The way I deal with stress is amazing! It’s taken a lot of time, but damn, it’s actually happening!

Try to take things one day at a time. Like previously said, don’t make big decisions just yet, unless things are so bad they are going to mess up your sobriety. I think patience is the thing we addicts are the worst at. It takes soooo much practice. But it really is the biggest lifesaver I’ve found in this journey.

Keep your head up!

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