Need someone

I need someone. It’s sad to realize that in this, the lowest point of my life I have no one. I’ve not a friend to call on or someone to trust. This community is all I have.
I have been in a downward spiral for weeks now.crying,drinking,crying,drinking. I feel like it’s the end of the world for me. I have been mean to my son and mom because I have been feeling rejected by him. I dont blame him. But it stirs up feelings of rejection from men and friends my whole life. I am so sorry to take it out on him. I feel damaged and resentful and dont want to do this anymore.
My emotional state is so bad I have said inappropriate things to him that he can not possibly understand,but will affect him later. I feel like the worst mother. My energy is so bad he leaves the room when I come in. When he did this yesterday, I just couldn’t take it and locked myself I threw bathroom to cry. I stayed in there for an hour and just screamed!
I am very worried for myself and dont know how to get help. While in the bathroom I was having suicidal ideation and I feel like I’ve really given up. Today I cried all the way to work because the women there dont like me either and have been giving a hard time.
I really dont know what to do. But I feel hopeless, faithless and just done.
I dont know where to go from here.

3 Likes

Hi there hun.
I’m fairly new on my journey a month yesterday. I know that there is a lot of support and wisdom that can be found on this community from a lot of members who have tons of experience. Thanks for joining us and please visit as often as needed…this helps.me tremendously.

Know that you are not alone I.have felt like you many a day. It does get better…dont lose hope. You can so.this. This is the first step. Strength and blessings sent to you my friend. :hugs:

4 Likes

Three simple words:

  1. GO
  2. TO
  3. MEETINGS

Then, share your ass off. Let people know who you are, get to know them, and start building a network of friends. SAME GENDER friends. People with TIME in program, a proven track record of sobriety.

Then, BE WILLING TO GET HONEST.

Have a little faith, realize you are not alone, and that there is hope and help for you, if you want it.

9 Likes

I’m here for you if you need a friend to talk to.
Addiction can take all the things that make you a good person and gradually eat them away. I was shocked at some of the things I said or did when I was using or withdrawing. You can apologize, and you can make things right. Show them you aren’t that person anymore. When you quit drinking/using, you won’t have to keep going through this cycle, and you can mean it when you say things will be different. People start over and make amends at all stages in life. Focus on your health: once that comes back, it will be easier to fix things at home and at work. One step at a time.

Edit: going to meetings is a good idea. You can find non-judge mental people, some of them in very similar situations to you, who you can share with and receive support from in person.

2 Likes

HELP HAS ARRIVED, you have some like minded folks right here, can you at least watch a meeting on YouTube today? You can make this day a little better. If I am having a bad day I tell my loved ones, I’m feeling nervous/cranky.
We all fall apart sometimes, come back together piece by piece like a jig saw puzzle.
Don’t you dare give up on yourself, you are loved more than you know.
Sit by the fire with us and listen to the ocean… most of all xoxoxo!!!

5 Likes

Call your doctor or at least have the phone number in your phone. I “broke down” and told mine how I was feeling and he had lots of options for me. I had blood work and had really low (can’t remember) vitamin levels, zinc or something or other. I had to dump caffeinated soda, a few small changes and I got on an online support group.
Ultimately I ended up on a low dose anti-depressant. I have gotten off it before but much prefer being on Lexapro. I had terrible insomnia, not anymore. The miracle of sleep.
I am so thankful for Dr. Nguyen, he was almost happier than me when I started getting better and ultimately healed from some painful trauma.

2 Likes

I agree with @Leesa. It sounds like you’ve found yourself in a truly hard time and should at least make a phone call to your doctor. Not always what we want to hear, but is probably the best course of action.

4 Likes

please watch Laura, she is a great help

4 Likes

Hello,
First I want to let you know you’re not alone, it may feel that way right now as we have all been at our own low points or the bottom. I can relate to you on many levels in my deepest addiction I ended up alone. Burned my bridges no one wanted to be around me ur not alone. Please if you feel suicidal seek help immediately, because there is hope and life in recovery a better life, relationships can be restored, new friends can be made ur sanity brought back. I can tell you you’re not alone. Now is the time to get help. It sounds like it’s urgent to seek medical attention and let people help you. You have to be completely honest with everyone, that is key it’s been key for me. I am here if you need a friend to talk to. Please don’t hesitate to message me. :yellow_heart: you’re worth it.

1 Like

I can not thank everyone enough for taking the time to respond to me. Although i am only now reading youre replies, I continued to spiral downward and drink.
I knew suicide is not an option because i have a son that im sure would much prefer me damaged but alive. But sometimes it seems like the better option, to just die.
I have done some online meetings and started reading “how to heal your life” by louise l. Hay, which i read many years ago.
I am remembering that i have gotten this far for a reason, and atleast i have the desire and awareness to want to be better. Thank you all so much, today i have three days, and i will continue to fight for peace love and happiness. I have a lifetime of rejection at 30 years old, but i have never loved myself, how could anyone love me?
I must change this cycle so that my son doesnt end up a self loather like myself.
May God bless everyone in this community, i thank you from the bottom of my heart!!!

4 Likes

Hi. This is a girl from Chile. You are not alone. I know how it feels and would like to give you a hug from a distance… i will keep you in my mind and pray for your recovery. Please do the same for me.

1 Like

My massage therapist recommended that book. I have bought it but the cover has not been cracked yet. How do you like it? Is it an easy read? Mayhaps I’ll pick it up soon and we can talk about it. :thinking:

1 Like

1 Like

You are not alone

1 Like

Thank you @Templar13. You know no matter how deep down i go, on the back of my mind i know you guys are here. I know someone will listen and help. I am willing to ask and seek for help, and not just that, accept it🙏

1 Like

Its an amazing book @SmokeyMirror. It has helped me before just reading through it. Now i want to actually follow the exercises and do it mindfully!

Thank my friend from Chile! Thank you for your solitute! I know I am not alone! Thank you for praying for my recovery, I pray for yours too! :pray::pray::pray:

you are a fighter

1 Like

Love it. Even when we feel ive given up, we know its not the end!

1 Like

You need to stop isolating. I know far too well how it is to constitutionally believe I am unloved, unlovable, and utterly worthless.

This is ALL in our minds.

The rejection we have experienced had more to do with those who rejected us, than with any inherent flaw in ourselves.

Some of this you may have already done, but:

  1. Enlist a therapist.

  2. Join AA.

  3. DO NOT GIVE UP ON YOURSELF.

1 Like