No pressure, no asking for an explanation, but I guess they are a bit surprised. That is reasonable. I never refused a drink a few years back, and the last time we saw each other I may have not had a drink every time, but eventually I would join in. And have more than the two combined, probably.
No one is drinking now to get drunk, mind you. We did that years ago, but that is not where we are now. It’s just the gin&tonic at happy hour and wine with dinner. I would have loved to be able to say, yes, I’ll join, I can drink like that. But I know it won’t be something I can sustain. I know it will snowball into the bad place I was before - or worse.
They are aware that I’m trying to train for a difficult race and that I’m tired to the bones and been through a lot of stress. It’s reasinable also for them to assume this is why I am not drinking. And it is part of it.
Thank you for your message, my friend. It really helps to know I’m not going at this alone.
Thank you, Chris. It’s easy to write from the safety of my bed, but it’s been tempting sometimes.
Same as with my coworkers, we want to belong, right? And to join the pack in their behavior does bring a level of acceptance and sense of belonging. I need to adjust my sails and not search for this kind of acceptance anymore. To try and find it in other ways. It takes a lot more effort to find this without alcohol, but I’m hoping it will be more meaningful too.
At the airport again. This time it is easier to avoid the restaurant I used to go to in this terminal for a glass of white wine before the flight. What a difference a month makes.
Grabbed a latte and a box of chocolates and am waiting for my flight home, reflecting on this reunion.
It was good. But it was…calmer than I’ve been used to. Tamer. No overdrinking by anyone, no crazy laughter, no dancing and singing loudly. Lots of really deep conversations about tough things.
I don’t know if my friends think I’m too work oriented now and boring. Maybe a bit. But I also suggested some outings that brought everyone together in a nice way. I think everyone enjoyed it. I had laughing moments and dancing moments, but none too wild. Does it make the moments less remarkable? I hope not. But I don’t know. I hope I didn’t disappoint them. I hope they see the change in my behaviour as a positive, as me “growing up”.
It is a massive adjustment, isn’t it?
Sigh.
I saw at one place we visited “If there were no changes, there would be no butterflies”.
This is a big gift of sobriety. Authentic friendships and connection. Safe travels home and glad you had a good time. I just spent the weekend with my rehab sisters. It was utterly fantastic. So grateful for sobriety.
Life changes. We change. What you describe are changes for the better in my book. Of course I am sober myself, and for a while now. So my perspective has changed and is still changing. Calmer and deeper I am sure are changes for the better. Have a safe flight home. Congrats on all you’re doing. You’re doing fantastic.
I wanted to share something here that I shared in the Gratitude thread. It was about the last trip I had, just this past weekend, for three days to visit long time friends.
I think my not drinking did change my relationship with my best friends somewhat. But I’m ok with it. Our relationship was going to change anyway as we grow older and life makes us have different paths, priorities. I love them to pieces, but I’m better able to be a good friend sober. I hope they come to see it that way too
I’m sharing this here because your help got me to where I am today. Closing in on 6 months sober and happier than I could have ever expected with it. Thank you a million times over
Big congrats! It’s a huge accomplishment! Super proud of you! You have thought about and worked through your anxieties, unknowns, questions and challenges! You’re doing it! Hugs
Another update…another first situation that I am so happy I was able to navigate without the crutch and damage of alcohol…
I had the privilege to attend an event, a really nice ball, that had not happened since before the pandemic. I had very sad memories of one of these balls many years ago, when I had too much to drink and a magical night turned into a time I wanted to forget. I attended a few other events after, but always extremely nervous about how much I was drinking. Always anxious, and with that awful shadow of a half-remembered memory. Hurt my husband’s feelings and made a terrible impression on new friends. A nightmare.
This weekend I went to the event knowing I was not going to touch any alcohol.
It was a bit awkward at first with friends, telling them I was just going to have soda…skipping the bubbly…no, nothing for me, thank you. I mentioned that since I’ve been training, I gave up alcohol. It makes me tired and makes me feel bad the following morning, so it’s really counterproductive.
In time, I’ll get used to saying: “I just don’t drink anymore”. But sometimes I don’t want to get into details. At least for now.
I had a lovely night, fun conversations, laughter, dancing with my husband (to very bad music) and all without alcohol. I didn’t really feel tempted, which is what surprised me the most. I was perfectly fine having my soda and having everyone around me enjoy their wine. It was an elegant event and people in general were not going crazy, so that helped me feel at ease
I’m so grateful I had this do-over with my husband. I really needed it to turn the page on one of my very sad memories from the time before sobriety.
Thank you all for helping me get here. From the bottom of my heart
It’s nice to see people ( like you) realize that life can be lived, not only that, but lived better, day-to-day life, and parties, places and events/ get together where others are drinking. Happy for you that you have accepted yourself the non-drinker!
Bring your own drinks … in the past I also realized I was okay for talking about my decision and bringing someone in can possibly lead to an ally I was done being ashamed You got this
