17 months later i am still irritable,restless,and discontent.For what its worth i have no reason to be.My higher power really showed out once I got out my own way and let him take the steering wheel.Fr fr…i mean i can start with the fact i am sober and have been which in itself is a miracle since i been getting loaded my whole life(came out the womb that way).I have 8 prison priors not including my juvenile record and somehow got a government job working in a hospital which i shouldnt be allowed a thousand feet let alone actually an employee(i still dont understand that one).I have a badass high-performance vehicle(license,insurance,registration in my name).Woke up in my own bed for the first time since i was a kid and not in a tent or jail cell.Have a bank account with money in it.Credit cards that arent delinquent.Life insurance policies.More clothes than i remember buying.The best relationship ive ever had with my sister really the only relationship ive had with my sister because she loved me from a distance when i was out there on my bullshit(that is just the beginning).So why given all the blessings am i still dissatisfied???Things like my car is basicly a street legal race car(modern version of dukes of hazard)and im trying to figure out ways to make it faster give it more torque and horse power).Wear an outfit once and instead of washing it throw to side and be like i cant wear it again.I mean stupid ungrateful ass stuff,because 17months ago i was stuck next to a dumpster with a backpack full of who knows what and a sack of dope and that was all i had to my name…What the fck is wrong with me???Why can I not be content???I am getting everything i ever wanted and then some so why do i feel the need for more???
Because material things - cars, clothes, credit cards, insurance - do not satisfy the heart.
Humans are not fundamentally material beings. All the stuff that matters to us is in our heart. And - deeper than that - what really matters to us is to serve.
A life of consumption, of getting what I want, will never satisfy me. A life of healthy service will: volunteering, doing outreach work for sober organizations, getting involved in my community (in person or online), joining constructive events with other humans (running races, community events).
It’s a journey. The satisfaction is not a point you reach and you’re done. It’s more like being a tree: you’re always growing; you’re never done. The satisfaction is in asking: where can I grow next?
Just a crazy thought. Maybe you should try to volunteer your time somewhere. Many are struggling and could use some encouragement. Thank you for sharing. I will pray for you for contentment. 
I was going to suggest volunteer work but @tailee17 beat me to it. Volunteering fills my soul like nothing else.
Gotta give away what was freely given… fills the heart of a healing drunk & junkie like no other.
You are a wonderful person for living life differently. You will always be deserving and good enough. Hugs!
Hey there 
The experience of dissatisfaction or discontent is a basic part of our human psyche. That’s how we are wired. You can not not experience it, or make it go away. There are three things that help me deal with it:
- accepting this and not trying to make this experience go away
- focusing my life on making meaning
- being of service to others and the world around me
At the best of times these three intersect.
So as far as volunteer work i basicly was doing that since last september for the same non profit organization or treatment center i went to get sober.as of a week ago they kicked me from the nest,sent me back into the world and told me i wasnt allowed to.So now that the new me wants this for everybody i felt the best place to start is in my own neighborhood,but the problem i have been having with that is yea everyone is proud of me right but when i practice these new found principals over my personality they say dont get big headed and start with the threats.I mean i get it but i also got it.The mind set out here in L.A. is different.I mean who robs somebody giving out free stuff or goes into a courthouse and tries to steal a lawyers backpack infront of everybody.those are the types of people im constantly trying to help but am getting burnt by to the point one kinda is the reason i am no longer allowed to volunteer because i went to bat for him and so did my coworkers.we got lawyers and everything to get him into our program instead of prison.They didnt want to do it my coworkers or the courts they were like it is all jail talk.i put my name on the line and was like we all deserve a chance isnt that what everyone said about us but look how well we are doing.only GOD can judge not us.So they agreed.Got lawyers and everything to get the courts to send him to our program instead of 7 years and soon as he got there he says sorry if i fronted u off but im not doing this i just wanted to get out and left…So now they dont trust me never mind i been doing intake for 9 months with no problems and im not going to lie filled me with all types of resentments and thoughts of thats what i get for being of service
You are right. my understanding is I am a social being which means i will never get fullfillment out of inanimate objects.I constantly have to argue with myself that initially it wasnt about ego.My primary focus was to get sober.I gave myself month increments and if i did not see any changes then i was going back to doing what i thought i did best.Somewhere the miracles started happening which was a high in itself.Which gave me the mentality that i can use these blessings as an example of what sobriety has to offer and if I can do it so could everyone else and if anyone wanted what i had to offer i can show them how we got it.I do need to fiind ways to have normal human interaction.Before I forget where being selfish and self centered brings me…