So, I’m sure I don’t have clinical depression or anything, but I do get extremely stressed out and depressed from time to time. My situation seems somewhat unique. I have about $200k is student loan debt that’s not going away anytime soon. I work as an associate chiropractor, which doesn’t pay nearly enough.
Essentially the only hope of me being able to pay back my loans is if I become an Entrepreneur and either start my own practice, or buy an existing practice. Both come with extreme risk obviously. Not sure how I’d be able to handle the stress of owning a business on top of not being able to even control my addiction.
I also have 4 boys, ages 8, twin 5 year olds and a 2 year old. Plus my wife is pregnant with a 5th boy. Its freaking crazy in my home.
Sometimes the stress mounts up so much that I don’t know how else to vent. I run regularly, I work out regularly, i read scripture regularly. But, sometimes it’s just not enough. I feel like my pornography and masturbation addiction is one of my brain’s coping mechanisms. At least, I’ve trained my brain into feeling that way.
What are your stresses that lead to mental triggers?
Any stressful issues that used to require more, yep, pills.
My husbands back pack on the bed, especially if he wasn’t in the room. He used to try and hide them but I knew they were there. So I would sneak in and steal a bunch. All the time.
Feeling any kind of physical pain, for example…I stubbed my toe. Yep, 5 pills should do it.
My son ( who lives with me ) he’s 26 and a hot mess
Financial issues
Not having a car because I spent all my money on ( see above)
I have income based and it was helpful up until I decided to stop paying then it didn’t matter lol. Right now my principal is about 250,000 so you’re not alone!
Completely separate. Many times when I’m having a wave of cravings, I’ve been intimate with my wife, and it’s done nothing to relieve the cravings. The two relationships are compartmentalized, but obviously are at odds and secretly trying to ruin one another. My brain is a hot mess.
I’m not sure what people assume about my addiction. My wife and I don’t have a great line of communication open about my addiction. It’s getting better, but it’s slow. I assume that everyone else just sees my type of addiction as they would a Pedophile or some sort of crazed exhibitionist. My addiction is very much in the closet though. I am actually very involved in my church, and have strong relationships with all my patients. I’m not that definition, but people might see my addiction that way.
Yeah, most of the people on here are open minded enough to understand the way addiction works to know ur not a pedophile, there are all different kinds of sex addicts just like there are all different kinds of drug addicts. Having ur particular affliction has to suck too, it’s so easily available, us drug and alcohol people at least had to call someone or go to a store. It’s good u are talking to ur wife, hopefully she understands and will support u. That’ll bring your stress level down considerably, my issues drove a wedge in my marriage, she let it build for about 5 years until something bad happened to us and then it all came out. All we did the last few years was fight which meant all I wanted to do was drink and eat pills. As for the differences between substance and non substance abusers I don’t think there are many honestly. When u boil it right down it all comes to the same thing…releasing dopamine or replacing it with something else that will fill the pleasure center in our brains. Like I was telling that girl the other night that first girl i dated after the divorce cut herself and honestly even tho she never admitted it I think she was a sex addict too, we were constantly in novelty stores, i came out of that relationship with boxes of Christian grey type stuff and there was more than than one time the year I was driving back and forth she cheated on me while I was out of state. Maybe that just makes her a ho lol, but I don’t think so she told me about it and it seemed like when we talked about that and the cutting a lot of the same things that triggered me did her too, stress at work, depression, fights with the ex, etc…and there was that same sense of shame I felt when I was hiding liquor and pill bottles and that’s what really counts. Anything that you find pleasurable that takes over your life and potentially ruins it no matter what the substance or act may be is just our attempts at wanting to stay happy all the time after coming to terms with the fact that we’re gonna die eventually imo.
Yeah, Stigma does suck. I don’t know though. I think this community has a lot to offer non-substance abusers. My addiction might not be the same as yours, but I believe that all addiction is Chemical Addiction. I might not have a substance that I’m consuming, but the addiction is rooted in a need for dopamine. I guess you could say that I’m a Dopamine Addict.
Oh u can’t bother yourself to worry about that man, in most people’s eyes were all monsters…thieves, murderers, sex offenders, etc all wrapped up in one. I saw a video the other day that showed a newborn going through drug withdraws and the general consensus in the comments below it were not “omg that poor baby” or “that poor girl was so addicted she couldn’t stay clean long enough to have her baby, she needs help” it was a full on pitchforks and lit torches “lock her sorry *** up for the rest of her life”. I get what ur saying though, the media only picks up stories about sex issues when a girl gets date raped or something similar and they dedicate whole shows like SVU and Dateline to showing how sadistic some people can be to the point that’s all the general public sees. All that matters really is that ur relationship with ur family is on track and u are right with God. From what I’ve seen u post on here ur doing just fine in that regard, as for everyone else,with respects to the commandment about loving thy neighbor theres nothing there that says u can’t politely tell them to go fly a kite lol
You got a great perspective on things. I’m at least happy that my addiction doesn’t have to be a public thing. One thing I’m grateful for is how empathetic I’ve become to other people and their faults. No idea how people are doing in their own lives.
lol