I finally realised after years of struggling that I cannot control my drinking. Its a scary realization as I never thought of it as a big problem because I live in a culture of binge drinking and everyone has their “haha I was wasted” drunk stoties. But lately I’ve been getting a different kind of drunk. I blackout, wake up covered in bruises and then my husband and friends would fill me in on things I said and did that was completely out of character for me. I keep promising that it wont happen again and then I’m good for a while, drinking responsibly, until it happens again. I know now that I need a drastic charge but it is scary and I feel very alone. My husband supports me but I dont think he understands what I’m feeling. Powerless, confused and not in control of my own body and mind.
It sounds like you are ready to change. At the moment I am 6 weeks into my ‘2 months off’, and seriously considering going longer. I certainly don’t feel like a drink right now. I suggest a break, give yourself the space from alcohol to have a look at how life is without it, without the pressure of ‘never again’.
I also thought I didn’t have a real problem, because others around me drink to excess and laugh about it and because my life was still holding together (but really, there were many cracks!).
The reality is I’ve been drinking since I was 14 and I don’t know myself without alcohol. I have addiction on both sides of my family including an aunty who has been told she will die but still can’t stop. Another drank himself to death years ago. I don’t want to be that way, and I feel that the alcohol is the one with the control and its only a matter of time.
Seek out help in as many forms as you can, you can do it!
Welcome @Gem123.
Thank you for sharing your story. Admitting to having a problem is a very important first step. Losing control of yourself definitely sounds like a problem to me.
Where about do you stay? You can try and attend an AA meeting in your area. That should help with the feeling of being alone.
@Gem123 i can relate myself into your story, and thank you for that . And yes im agree to what @alexmel is saying too . You are in a crossroad , talk to your hubby about how and what u thinking . Be honest it will help you. You are strong and a fighter that is a very good thing. And im happy that you found this forum. A very powerring app as well cause of all the stories do helps me to stay sober and clean . Fight for yourself and not because of others. You are the most important in your life . That is Worth fighting for . You are in the power of to choose what you really want in your life and how you want to live your life. What you got to loose? You will gain life and find happiness on a level above imagination . Start love yourself and let go . You deserve a better life truly
Thanks. It helps knowing others understand. I think I’ll try out a AA meeting this week and see if its for me.
I know exactly how you feel, i was experiencing the same things when I was drinking. That’s when I realized I HAD to change. Alcoholism runs on both my sides of family as well. Its nice here because you actually have people who can honestly related to.
Welcome Gem, I can relate to the blackout drinking, not remembering the night before. I was a binge drinker, no shut off valve. I am 51 long days sober but I have a clear head today. What a difference from the hang over head. I also feel my husband doesn’t truly understand as he is very supportive. I am here if you would like to chat. Stay strong!
AA meetings will help, or any other group therapy for that matter.
Once you go to one, you realize you are not alone.
I do agree though, it is scary to make that change, but once you do, you’ll look back at it and laugh.