New and Terrified... yet slightly hopeful


#1

New today… trying to kick an opiate addiction. This is my, oh God I have NO idea how many attempts I have had… My biggest obstacle is my own mind. I can’t shut it off! Pain sucks and it sucks when you don’t have something to hush it some. This has GOT to be the last time! HAS to be!


#2

First off, congrats on starting this journey! It doesn’t matter how many times youve tried before, it matters that you’re still trying.
Take it one day at a time. :heart:


#3

Thank you! I am so emotional lately and I am sure that this is just part of the process… but i am over crying ALL the time! Completely over it! Thanks for your support and for posting! :slight_smile:


#4

Congratulations on starting your journey. Opiates are a tough one but it can be done. I’m really excited for you and I believe in you. Have you considered going to NA or AA? I know for me meetings really helped especially in the early days.


#5

I have briefly considered it… that’s when I came here. I’m afraid of seeing someone I know. As silly as that sounds. But this addiction issue has been really hush hush from my family and friends for quite some time now.


#6

And thank you for your words of encouragement! Means a lot!


#7

Just remember, they are there for the same reason as you. Plus AA sure beats having your name in the paper for DUI or whatever other fun stuff your disease can give you.


#8

Very true! You are so right. And my logical brain says that same thing. But my emotional, addicted brain says what I said above that my fears were. Looking into NA meetings around here now though. Thanks for your comment!


#9

Maybe try a meeting a few towns over until you get comfortable.


#10

I worry about being seen too by someone who knows me. It has kept me from going. I need to get out of my own head, and just go.


#11

@jasharlem @BecomingMeAgain
Just know that they are thinking more about themselves, like you are thinking more about you. It’s better to be in a meeting with people that are trying to better themselves than being alone in your recovery.


#12

I do understand that feeling. That second “A” in “AA” doesn’t mean anything where I live. Fortunately, I was able to reach out to a friend of a friend, in complete confidence, in my very first days. Depending on where you two live (how dense the population is), you may be able to drive 30 minutes out of town and drastically minimize your chances of seeing someone you know. It would be that way for me, if I wanted to go. Is that doable?


#13

I would hope thats the case. I just need to get beyond my silly fears and go. Lol.


#14

You can do it…I’m 42 days clean today from opiates…no it was NOT easy but worth it. You can do it? Have you talked to an addiction medicine doctor? Medicine-Assisted Treatment? AA/NA? Overall I’m proud of you opiate addiction is horrible…and to be ready to stop is huge! Let me know if you need help,advice, suggestions or whatever I’m here!


#15

That is exactly what I will be doing! Mainly too because I live in a small town that doesnt have any NA meetings. But about 45 mins from me there are many different times of the week! Thanks for the suggestion!


#16

That is exactly what I will be doing! Thanks for the suggestion :slight_smile: I just really dont want the entire world, including all my family and friends, to know that I have been struggling so much with pain medication. I have support and love from those I need it from.


#17

That’s amazing! 42 days clean is certainly something to be proud of. And thank you for your kind words of encouragement. It means a lot! I am terrified right now… because I have gone periods of time clean throughout the last 8 years but always went back to them in some way. It makes me so angry to realize how much of my life was wasted seeking out my next script. Disgusts me even! I would love to chat with you sometime about your experience and any helpful tips you may have for me! Thanks again for commenting!


#18

Thanks! Yes, luckily I have THE most supportive husband EVER and therefore i will never be alone in this… but finding a meeting is VERY important too!