Wow you and I can relate so much!
It’s been day 4 for me and I got through a whole weekend. I started to journal and it’s helped, I wrote a pros and cons list of picking up a drink and well the only pro was to numb things. Without it I have actually enjoyed “feeling” without feeling like crap from a hangover.
Happy to know I have another person to support and listen to my journey, so many strong and wonderful people on this app. 
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I think you may have answered your own question on the moderate drinking. For me…I wonder and think about the same thing…but I KNOW my answer. As much as I miss it and think I can handle it I know that once I start I wont stop until I have blacked out. Hope u make the right choice…u can do it!
@Jessica welcome! I feel your Struggle! I’m almost completing my 5th day! The struggle is real! I know what you mean about cooking and having a drink or two that lead into more! Good luck to you! I’ve found this to be an amazing community so far!
I did that too, you’re not alone! I’ve been sober for a bit over 2 1/2 years now and so happy I don’t have to drink those bottles of wine anymore:) you’re doing great, day by day and reaching out for help like you are! Congrats!! Sending you love 
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