Hello everyone, new here but been using app awhile. This is the first time I’m admitting to anyone that I have a problem so forgive me if I sound all over the place.
Most people call me Cav(just a dumb nickname that stuck, can’t even remember when it started lol) I turned 30 a few months ago. Started this year to seriously think about whether I had a drinking problem or not and I really want to stop for many reasons.
At first I would rarely drink (didn’t even have my first drink until I was 23). I was always the goody goody of the family, which means I got made fun of a lot growing up but it never really bothered me so much. My siblings all getting into trouble with partying and all but not me. My parents always used me as a example “why can’t you be more like your brother” type stuff. My siblings are doing great all these years later, sister just had a baby boy and my brothers are working hard and grew out of that life style quickly.
But I went the opposite way…and it happened so fast, when I realized I’ve gone too far I was so ashamed, “me out of all people? How did this happen?” Goody goody cockyness I guess.
It went from a Saturday here or there to now, which is every other day, sometimes I make it a week or so but right back at it eventually. I justified it by telling myself “you work 6 days a week, you deserve a drink” “eh it’s the holidays” “everyone else here is drinking so why not” I became the king of excuses, always had one. But I work hard, work out and I’m not really depressed overall, I have bad days but I don’t consider myself depressed and I’m saying all this because it became my main excuse for drinking. “You got a good life, you work hard, drinking isn’t that big a deal with all you do”.
Today was the first day I was late to work because last night I was up until 2am, drinking the night away.
I’m hungover as I type this and for the first time in my life I don’t know who I am or if it’s even possible to get back to the old me. I don’t plan on telling my parents, they didn’t raise me to become this. It’ll break their hearts that their “star example” child is the one that’s fallen so far. I was supposed to be better than this but I’m not. I complain I never have time for anything, work 6 days a week, physical therapy every day (arthritis in my spine and hip including bulging disc in spine) but I have time, I just waste my free time drinking, then another whole day to recover the hangover. This weekend I got 2 days off and I will 100% make an excuse to drink but I can beat it? I really don’t know anymore, maybe I can’t but time will tell.
Sorry for rambling, it’s what I do lol. Which is why most people hate me telling stories, I make it go on forever, over elaborate on everything, like I’m doing now haha.
Never been a part of ant community like this and like I said, it’s the first time I’m admitting I have a drinking problem, even to myself, weird feeling typing it TBH.
Anyways, I got work tomorrow and can’t be late again, thanks for reading and here goes nothing!.
Also, never posted here before so forgive if this isn’t the right category.
19 Likes
Hi FB! Welcome 
so glad you’re here! I can identify with you in a few ways. I too found every excuse to drink. It was the end if the day. It was the weekend. I would get so excited for a vacation because I could drink all I want 24/7. Gee how fun. I also haven’t told my mother because she’s not going to understand. Isn’t it ironic how we look forward to “our down time” and then hand it over to a substance that takes it away from us? And we look forward and do it willingly! Well, a step in the right direction is always the best start 
I have to get up early also so have a great night and welcome!
4 Likes
Hi @FrozenBiscuit. Well done on taking the first steps to deciding to cut booze out of your life, it’s scary how it sneaks up on you. I was 26 when I started having wine to wind down after looking after my kids and working full time. But then for me chaos erupted in my life and my dad died, then mum diagnosed with cancer, then nephew died and so on and so on (for 16 years eventually all my family bar two evil older sisters died)… Each time drinking more to numb the shit. All of a sudden I was 42 and drinking far too much in the evenings. All the while that little voice in my head (the wine bitch) saying things just like your voice. “You work hard” “you’re not that bad” … it drives you mad! I started trying to quit January 2019 did 111 days then that voice said”see you’ve done over 100 days you can control it” “what is the point in this hard life if you can’t just have a few glasses of wine? You’re going to die one day, live today!?” Had a large glass then before I knew it back to each night drinking even more!!! So I jumped straight back on this wonderful forum and re tried… and I’m now nearly at a year! It’s not easy and that voice still pops up a lot but I have tools and coping strategies in place to hush it down. This weekend plan to do something to occupy yourself. Don’t drink just for today, then repeat that tomorrow. I promise you that it does get easier but it takes work and plenty of self care. Don’t beat yourself up my friend. The past is the past, move forward with us . There is a very wise person here @Yoda-Stevie that says, “say no to the only drink that matters, the first drink”. And another wise fella here @anon12657779 that says, “ you are right where you need to be”. These are only but two of the many messages that resonated (and helped a lot) with me here on this wonderful forum. Stick around Cav, it’s nice to meet ya!! 
6 Likes
Cav, man, I remember that feeling. When it was new to me.
I was so messed up I didn’t know how to feel. But this is to be expected mate. It’s a turning point in our life’s when we make this decision to stop doing something like drinking. In some respects it would probably be easier to loose a limb, it’s that ingrained in our society.
Just know that with this community you have found a safe place to talk, to vent and to learn!
Read as much as you can. Also I’d advise you to search any topic, key word, whatever.
There is so much info on here all from people who have been there.
The only thing you need is an open mind.
And yes as @Blondie1x says, remember that you are precisely where you need to be. I can’t claim credit for this, but I’ll post where it came from and suggest you get a copy of the big book from AA.
7 Likes
Welcome! Fellow goodie-two-shoes here! Amazingly all those “square-bear” comments when I was growing up made me self-conscious, and sure I had to have something to make me “fun”. In the end, the contrast between who I was sober and drunk caused much anguish. As I learn about myself (which I can do when I am not swinging between two extremes) I am hopefully finding a happy medium. I am sure u will discover a lot on ur journey too.
4 Likes
Thank you for the welcome, it’s nice to know I can relate to others, definitely helps. Appreciate your kind message!
3 Likes
Thank you @Apes2020 Means a lot!
1 Like
@Blondie1x I really appreciate that reply and wowza, congrats on how far you’ve made it, very inspiring actually. I really like the quotes you posted as well!
I will certainly have something fun planned for this weekend, appreciate the idea. I look forward to moving forward with y’all and nice to meet you too!
1 Like
I really like that post, thank you for sharing it. And thanks for the warm welcome, I will certainly be reading around and posting updates when I can, so far I like it here, everyone is really nice.
Also thanks for the book recommendation I appreciate it!
2 Likes
@Misokatsu thank you fellow goodie-two-shoes I appreciate the message and yeah I’m sure I will too, good to know I’m not alone in this.
1 Like
He You!
Welcome here and what an tough thing to do coming out here and sharing what your feeling.
It is remorse it is sorrow it is self pitty it is talking yourself down.
You can try and stop that now for a bit, you’ll have enough time to do it.
Don’t rush, take this day by day.
You are at the point of having the option to decide what the rest off your life could be.
So… You can make the healthy choice. You can make it so your physical therapy will do some good. You can recover on a lot off aspects of your life.
Do one thing… Give sobriety the priority it needs.
You might become restless… That a good sign you might break a sweat easily… Also good sign.
Trust on your soul, it can fight for clarity and trust me it will!
2 Likes
Be kind to you, then you can start to grow.
Accept the feelings you have, but please don’t use today… And when you wake up, tell yourself the same “today I won’t use” give it a change
3 Likes
What is a winner really, I am just as sick as each addict. And all I do is not pick up that first.
My biggest suggestion to everyone here is… Don’t do this alone and be honest to you and your surroundings…
4 Likes
@Czechmartan Appreciate the msg friend, I believe we all have the strength to overcome anything, some just find it sooner than others but you got this. I’m new here but seems like a nice community and good people. Like I have been told, read up, look around, you’re not alone.
Good luck to you as well
3 Likes
@ThajokerNL Thank you so much for the message, it means a lot. I appreciate the advice!
1 Like
You’ve already started winning by being here.
The fact that people with 2yrs+ sobriety still come here to read and post tells me that even they count every single day as an individual victory. You’ll add to your days sober in no time just one day at a time
5 Likes
Hey Cav. Welcome…I’m new too. Well, sort of. I read posts once in a while just havent posted anything. This is actually the first time I’ve had the guts to. Come midnight I’ll be completing day #36 sober and starting on day #37 (fingers crossed I wont give in…rough day/night and have to be up for work by 445am). I’m not ready to let my story out of the bag just yet but reading yours somehow made me start to contemplate it again. Thank you for sharing.
4 Likes
@IwillOVERCOME WOW good for you! that is amazing, I haven’t made it to the 30’s since I started my binge drinking days. 22 is my “record” hope to make it that far and beyond myself, seriously good on you. And def take your time with your story, got more than enough time, when you are ready, it is a great feeling to get it all out I will say. Wish you the best of luck and thank you for the message.
2 Likes
