Hey everyone, figured I’d give a lil rundown. I’m 29 years old and have been battling addiction since 18, dropped out of school at 17 got my g.e.d and just partied all the time, got my first dwi when I was 17 and 2 more when I was 21 and 24, did my first line of coke at 21 and got hooked, ruined everything, got my truck repossessed. Credit went to shit, all for drugs and alcohol. And yet it never kept me away. I have two beautiful girls who are my angels and did help for a while but of course the addiction kept calling my name, I always somehow fucked up and would get worse after every attempt of abstaining. I stayed sober for 4 months at one point but it just didn’t feel right yet if that makes sense,I just didn’t feel ready. I’m now 100% ready, I am currently 15 days sober. This time I feel much better, any advice on dealing with the anger? Like alot of times it’s only with family, my girls especially never abusive or anything like that, but sometimes I just yell and get so mad and I hate it. I am going to start going to a.a meetings I’m having a hard time getting the courage and always get full of anxiety and almost ashamed to go, even tho I know we’re all going for the same thing. I want to try it bc it’s new sober ppl. I could go on and on.looking forward to hearing from u all:)
Alcoholism is a disease that tells you don’t have a disease. They say a lot of times in the AA meetings that while you were in the rooms your alcoholism is outside doing push ups. Alcoholism wants you dead but will settle for you being miserable. I’ve been going to AA off and on throughout the years I recently had 10 months sober and then went back out now I’m coming up on almost 3 months. I committed this time to doing 90 meetings in 90 days like they recommended, got a sponsor again, and I’m doing step work on the weekends. I highly recommend getting the Easy-to-Read book living sober they will sell them at AA meetings or if you don’t have the money will hook you up with one for free. When you go to the meetings a lot of people will give you their numbers in a white pamphlet book and 9 out of 10 times people don’t ever call anybody I highly recommend you find a few men that you like share your cell phone number and get their numbers and reach out to them. remember it’s our ego that makes us say we’re too prideful or shameful to go to a meeting, everyone in there is just like us and they were all beginners at 1 point. I recommend downloading the app “meeting guide” it will tell you all the meetings in the country and you can put it in by ZIP code. It will tell you what meetings are open discussion meetings, big book meetings, men’s meetings or women’s meetings etc. Good luck you got nothing to lose. Has a lot of the old-timers say just don’t drink and knowing your next meeting is going to be,if you can wake up in the morning and say to yourself first thing I’m not going to drink today and then go in that app and know when your next meeting is you can get to that and then as soon as you’re done with that one plan when you know your next meeting is and make it to that. One day at a time, best of luck.
Exercise is great for anger. I don’t know what kind of person you are but I find going for a walk to relax your mind always helps. If you need a more immediate release something high intensity like boxing or running might be something to try. I just went to my first meeting last week and I felt the same way you did. But once I got there and got through I definitely felt better and nothing beats being around people who understand. Good luck with everything I believe in you!
15 days sober is so awesome! Just think…wake up sober tomorrow and you’ll never have to make it through day 15 again 
- Quick sprint around the block worked wonders for me!
- Free-standing punching bag
- Free-standing pull-up bar
Kids love all of the above too! They can chase you on their bikes, throw some punches and kicks, work on some upper body strength, and learn various healthy ways to take out that aggression - Set goals…daily goals, weekly goals, set them and stick to them…focus on them when you’re struggling
Russell Brands Addiction Recovery was such an awesome audio book for me…I really wish had listened to it sooner in my own recovery process. His book and his words really catapulted me into moving beyond step 2-3 of the universal 12 steps…and I mean truly universal…the principles of the 12 steps apply to anyone and everyone regardless of culture, gender, time, anything and everything.
Truly working through some if these steps for the first time is so hard, just like saying no to your addictions…the hardest thing you’ve ever done in your life. Once you break your own barriers, face your own demons your own faults, come to realize you can be in control of you and you can influence everyone around you in such positive beautiful amazing ways, you’ll start to find yourself facing your deepest fears more and more because the end results are nothing but great things! You sat at the bottom of the deepest depths of the trough for long enough. I’m so excited for you that you’ve jumped on your surf board, started coming up to the crest to start riding the wave!!! RIDE THE WAVE!! HAHAHAHA! punch some stuff, run some miles, you’ll get there…and before you know it the bouts of anger will become farther and fewer between, more manageable.
I’m looking forward to your day 16, day 17, day 28, day 45, day 99 of sobriety and beyond 
Same here man, but I went anyways, 2+ years ago and still sober thanks to AA and some other things like IOP.
Welcome to the forum, look around and use the search function, you’ll probably find “your story” a few times, we are all much the same at the end of the day.
I go to AA/CA (CA is not drug specific) and honestly, the program itself, even if you struggle with steps 2&3, it’s incredibly helpful. Meditation, daily reflections, making amends, service work and talking to the universe really helped me level out. And the way the steps integrate it into your life is seamless 
Sit in some rooms and listen for someone who really speaks to your soul. Someone who shares about the same kind of broken you have known, and shares a solution. After the meeting tell them you’re a newcomer and would love to meet for coffee, then low key interview them for sponsorship. If you don’t click, they’ll think they were just sorting a newcomer so there’s no pressure.
Yes I actually did start a couple days ago I do use the tools the therapist has gave me, they tried putting my on Wellbutrin, and it almost seemed to make my anger worse. I’m trying music to, and deff daily exercise. So maybe it’s just something that will come in time I geuss, it’s literally been 10 years of almost nothing going on in my brain lol. It’s probably taking on alot right now haha
Welcome this app is an amazing tool to keep you on track with yourself,yes our deseise will con us into thinking alsorts it will talk the best of us round it’s a cunning enemy that lives within ourselves but like life I’ve come to understand that by managing ourselves in the proper way that inner devil has been given no attention so can’t have that power it once had if we don’t feed it ,it will eventually be so weak that it’s hardly there ,it will be there obviously but it will be weak and we will be strong.
Good luck man. I keep 2 dumbells in my living room. When I feel burts of rage I would do curls and growl through gritted teeth untill failure. I think this helps me as I would get so angry I would smash stuff up in my apartment. Anger is probably my downfall but I try and go to the gym everyday. It’s the onlythung that takes it away. Where a few months ago I would get angry and go get vodka. Then it was a nightmare.
You could try walking around the block when the kids stress you out. I found I would do this when I was with my partner years ago. I learnt to just run out the door and take a quick walk.
Try the dumbbell thing. Have you got some weights at home?
Appreciate your honesty. It’s good to write it down and chat amongst similar people.
Congratulations on the 15 days sobriety. It’s fantastic to hear that you feel ready to kick your habits.
Good luck with aa.
Oh yeah I absolutely do, I run every single day on the treadmill and the anger will go away for a while, my girls are 2 and 4 years old. So it’s hard to just get away from them, they are def daddies girls. I’ve been putting music on alot and kids songs for them and just trying to keep a positive attitude, but they are just at that age right now where they are wild lol and don’t know how to take it down a lil. Which is understandable, they dont know what’s going on with daddy right now. They just want to have fun, so I really am trying so hard, each day I do feep a lil better. And on the days the girls go home I go and lift for a couple hours. It also doesn’t help that even tho I have a full time job I can’t afford my own place, so I live with my mother and stepfather. Who also do not understand my addiction and blame everything on me and it’s extremely toxic, and my step dad will drink in front of me and pretty much tease me, saying I’m gonna sit here and curl these 12oz cans, and take a sip and go ahhhhh. It’s annoying af
Yeah, that age they can be a test of patience and mental strength. It’s like they are trying to break you lol.
Keep up the training bud. Not sure how you can get parents to understand. It sucks that people think alcohol is a joking matter. My family only started to understand when I was in hospital constantly.
Welcome! Glad you are here and sharing your story. Topics like this always help in many directions. You help us!
For me, there is only one drink I have to avoid: The First One. Amazing how that math works out.
Man, I sense a lot of strength and determination in what I’ve read. This is GREAT! And now you are hitting the post detox crazy. Holy shit is it intense. I was so angry at everything! It sounds like your anger is coming from that and your living situation. Its easier to build walls against those things, which is why the anger is coming out with your kids. They are ALWAYS unpredictable and full of energy we can’t even fathom.
I think its safe to say that you are exactly where you should be, emotionally. I feel like I’ve been saying this a shit ton lately, but here it goes again… This is your proving ground. This is where you start piecing together the foundation of the rest of your life. Work hard to find coping skills that will work for you, try out new things, experiment with how to employ them. Find things that you can do routinely, things you can look forward too. And find things that will tire those kids out!!!
Have you looked into sober living places? That could be a jumping off point for getting out of that hell. When it comes to your stepdad, take the power away. Find a way to laugh at his childish, addict behavior. He’s sick and suffering, and doesn’t care to get his shit together. Poor him. You don’t have time or energy to let him rent space in your head. See him for what he is, a fucking child.
Welcome to the family. Remember, we were smart enough to get away with shit in active addiction, now we turn that towards finding the best way to live our new life. And it starts with surrender, acceptance, courage and strength. You are well on your way, friend.
Thank you, you definitely just made my day much better knowing that I’m not crazy and what I’m feeling is normal. You made me feel much more hopeful and way more determined. I live in a very small town, tupper lake. Upstate NY. There isn’t any options for sober living places here. I did go to place that helps with finding housing for ppl who can’t afford rent tho and they are currently trying to help me. But you guys are all awesome, thank you for the kind words. Seriously !
Damnit! You beat me to the punch!
There’s a few meetings over in saranac lake, as well as an outpatient facility run by St Joseph’s
Man, I think you are going to do well. You are open to suggestions, are taking action on your own, finding SOLUTIONS rather than wallowing in self pity. That’s not something I see a lot of. Remember, the sun will rise, but more importantly it WILL set and tomorrow is a new day. Do this a few hundred times and things will be so far from where they are now that you wont even recognize this place anymore. But, live in today.
The only huge warning I will give you about being this type of person (I am one, so I know), keep your ego out of ANY decisions for a while. That was the most helpful thing I ever did. We are strong as hell, which means our ego is just as strong. And I don’t mean the “I CAN do this” type of ego, I mean the “I got this” kind of ego. We ain’t got shit. Never forget that. We got a lot of things, but addiction will always, ALWAYS have the upper hand if we get cocky.
Hey Englishd, thank you for the reply. I am going to through north star… Citizens advocacy over in sl, which so far they are super helpful. But I don’t have a license, haven’t had one in 4 years so getting back and forth to sl is very difficult. There is another meeting in tupper next Monday that I am going to 100% attend I did down load the meeting guide app as well