New here, my journey and relapse

Relapses
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Hello all,

I’m new here! Still familiarizing myself with the app, so please bear with me. I’ve never been one for journaling, but maybe writing this all down here will feel less like shouting into the void.

My addiction lives at the nexus of porn addiction, gambling/shopping addiction, and sex addiction. If you know, you know, and if you don’t, don’t investigate. I’d never want to expose someone to this addiction if they had never heard of it before; it’s like welcoming a vampire into your home.

I recently met someone who took on a role of counseling me out of this addiction. Mentoring me, helping me work through my issues, but also giving me the sexual satisfaction I used to get from the addiction. He has helped me get so much better and helped get parts of my life on track.

Recently, I relapsed. I broke his trust and went on a bender and undid a lot of the work I’ve done saving and paying off my debts. I can’t tell him what I did. I won’t risk losing or disappointing him. I’m feeling kind of hopeless that I couldn’t stay strong and managed to do so much damage so quickly. It feels like I’ll never be free of this addiction and these urges.

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Welcome. I understand your feelings, but it won’t help your journey, or your relationship (be that friend, sponsor-sponsee, lover) if you aren’t honest. Recovery comes from shining light on those dark places, at least with those closest to us. Secrets are often hard to keep, anyway. I don’t have to experiences with those particular addictions, so hopefully someone who does will chime in soon. But many people felt hopeless, and could get free, do believe it is possible for you too.

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Welcome @Boy93 ,
Fellow porn and sex addict here.
I’ve relapsed so many times, and I’ve felt that it would never end. That I was destined to live a life of relapse, get back up, relapse, get back up again for the rest of my life.
Anyways, never give up. Never.
And it seems like your life was heading in a good direction, but this last relapse is just an indicator that there is more to learn. Ask God, “What are you trying to teach me?” That’s a good question.
Glad you’re here.

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Thank you :blush: thank you for making me feel welcome here. I really need a sense of community because it feels like no one understands what its like to be addicted like I am. My finances are so destroyed. I have no savings.
There is one person who really enables and facilitates this addiction for me, and any time I’m feeling down or lonely or rejected, I always seem to run to them, and I can’t seem to stop myself.

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Hi @Boy93 welcome to ts I know your feeling very sad right now :disappointed:I can definitely relate to “screaming into the void “ .journaling on here will definitely help .unfortunately relapsing is sometime s peoples journey into recovery (for anyone who hasn’t relapsed do not go back out there and try it ) it was my journey tho .I relapsed many times because I could not be honest or understand sobriety I tried to give up one addiction but keep others :pensive:complete abstinence a complete change of lifestyle and attitude is what is keeping me sober one day at a time .I definitely recommend you finding a programme of recovery so you can find your tribe people who are like you and understand you like no one else in the outside world would ever be able to .it takes courage, lots of work on YOU and absolute selfless behaviour s to start the journey of recovery ,and you can recover we’re all doing it ,by keeping it in the today (I’m not going to allow my self to relapse Today) we don’t entertain thoughts of tomorrow. I’m sending you love and positive thoughts today .you can do it :heart: