New here, struggling with emotions without alcohol

Hey, im new here although I’m not new to trying to give up alcohol.
I use alcohol to regulate my emotions, although it’s controlling my life, destroying my health, relationships and at an all round large cost.

How do you guys cope?

I can’t seem to keep myself together. I feel like I’m constantly falling apart.

I struggle with a history of complex ptsd which manifests in psychosis (visual and voices) telling me to end my life.

I drink to dull these feelings and drown out the voices but have no quality of life being intoxicated everyday.

I wish i could change what happened to me in the past but I cant. I can only change my decisions now, although I don’t feel like i can handle life sober.

I want to, I want to stay clean.
I’m on day 8.
I keep having nightmares, alcohol was a huge help to sleep.

I would appreciate any at all advice on how to cope in the early days. In the past 5 years the longest I’ve been sober was 6 weeks last year.

I was in a better place with my health and it was easier at the time, but naturally now that my health is worse its more important I get clean.

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Hey Doodle.

White knuckling is rough. Just hang in there and try to figure out things to take your mind off things as much as possible. Do you have anyone that you can reach out to? If not, use the forum for now as much as you need to.

Also – are you able to get to a doctor for help?

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Welcome! I see a psychiatrist and a therapist. If you’re actively psychotic at times, and it involves hallucinations related to killing yourself, I encourage u to seek medical help.

This forum is great imo. I have 28 days no alcohol, n this app has been big time helpful for me.

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Thank you.
I see a psychologist and mental health nurse which really helps during the sessions but brings up unwanted past memories and emotions for the rest of the week after I walk out of their office.
If that makes sense?

I know long term it will help me a great deal. Just this early stage is unbearable.

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Thank you, I see a psychologist and mental health nurse weekly.
I’m going to try to stick it out best as possible. Im telling myself that the 21 day rule stands and it’ll get easier

I understand that. It seems counterintuitive that I walk out of a therapy session feeling worse than I did walking in. If i can get passed the fact that I am pissed off that doing something good for me hurts so bad, often times my head is a swirling mess until I make a meeting.

Good to see you are getting help. Have you discussed the drinking with them as well?

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Hey there, and welcome ! I am also new i would say, and first of all There is hope and it will get better.

I will tell you that i had a gun many times loaded and in my mouth, waiting to pull the trigger.
Never did cause in the end i was scared that that would not be the end of it, that i would wake up im a worse hell then the one i was in.
This was after my life fell apart from using drugs and drinking intesively from 14yrs to 18.

It took long long time for me, to get clear and everthing but belive me it does get better. I am 29 now had my ups and downs since than but now i am 51 day sober and clean.

And you will find awesome support and advice here, there are a lot of experienced kind and good people here.

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And dont know if this helps but know youre not alone!

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Yes, they are aware I’m trying to quit.

It’s hard in the beginning. I realise I don’t have any coping mechanisms other than avoidance through alcohol. Facing years of trauma and abuse head on after ignoring it so long is damn painful.
But I suppose it’s just one of those life things, its got to be done. Getting through this hell hole of emotions is the only thing that can make the future better. :disappointed_relieved:

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Thank you :blush:
I’m really glad you’re still here and fighting.

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Doodle, I am sorry for your struggles. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate! I think it’s amazing you are facing it all head on! Remember you are not alone. I used alcohol to cope with anxiety, insomnia, and past traumatic experiences too. It’s really f’ing hard to deal with it at first but as time goes on you feel stronger and healthier! I have six months and started my sobriety journey right here. My sponser suggested visualizing my younger wounded self and protecting/loving her with my adult self. Kinda strange but it was comforting and gave me a sense of regained power.

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Thank you so much for that advice. I have never thought of that before and it sounds exactly like the kind of thing that would help me.
Honestly thank you. :two_hearts:
Good luck on your journey, im so glad you’re also clean. This forum is wonderful :blush:

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