Hi, all. I’m new here as the title says. I’m also addicted to self-harm, as the title says. I guess I’ll say a bit about myself, why I started, and what I’m looking for help-wise.
To start things off, I’m a 14-year-old girl who’s starting high school next year, which I’m terrified for. I love writing, reading, and my best subject is English. I am not athletic at all. I love punk-rock and I overall love music. I also love to act. But I have no motivation to do anything I love anymore due to my severe Major Depressive Disorder. Life’s been… Pretty rough.
I started self harming about a year or so ago. I got addicted very quickly and it’s extremely difficult to stop. I cut when I’m mad at myself or emotionless, which is quite often. At school, I was always bullied and when I wasn’t bullied, I was completely ignored. I was the most hated kid in my grade for reasons that are still unclear to me. Maybe because I’m different? Maybe I did something? I’ll never know.
I’m looking to find ways to stop self harming. I’d like any support you all can give during my struggle, as my situation is getting continually worse. Id also love any advice on how to stop.
I’ve also been increasingly suicidal lately. I also attempted about a week ago, but I chickened out moments before blacking out. I tried suffocating myself.
Oh Emsy, I’m not sure I can offer any advice, but wanted you to know that you’re doing the right thing by reaching out for help. If you don’t get immediate replies, don’t be disheartened, it can take a few hours as people are all over the world. I’m in the UK, so it’s morning here and I have a few minutes to check in.
I would just say that being a teenage girl (I can’t speak for boys ) is INTENSE. Your world in so insular and small things become enormous from the inside. It’s when my addiction to alcohol kicked off. Try to keep sight of who you are, what makes you happy, what excites you. This time will pass and you will find this life is worth living.
I hated school and only went for the social life I thought I was hated and hadn’t kept in touch with anyone until the last few years when I’ve made connection with a couple. They remember me being popular, go figure.
Do you have friends you can talk to? Are your parents aware of what’s going on?
Hopefullysomeone will be along with more solid advice soon.
Sending you love, light and happiness
@LunaLady No, I have no friends. Believe me, no one will look back and call me popular. 100% sure of it. But I appreciate the effort. I’ve been feeling so hopeless lately and my urges are currently in this very second have very strong urges to off myself… I’m talking to someone online who’s trying to convince me otherwise. My parents know and they just make things more difficult. My terrible depression makes me lose sight of the things I love and makes it so I dont want to do them.
I do. I’ll believe for both of us.
As a side note, I have depression and have done since my teens. It’s only been in more recent years with the onset of PND and PTSD that I have considered leaving this mortal coil. What I’m saying is that I do understand, to some extent. It may come across as being lighthearted etc, but my upbeat nature is well practiced and nurtured over time. In the darkness of night, when your mind won’t stop whirring, it’s easy to slip into dark ways of thinking, but when the light comes so does hope. You’ve made it through another night and the day can offer such promise.
Please find someone IRL who you can talk to, perhaps a counsellor at school?
School’s out. I have a therapy group I go to once a week. I have a psychiatrist I go to so I can find out what new antidepressant I’m gonna be on. Spoiler: haven’t done shit and I feel worse since starting.
A woman in my group has PTSD and I know it can’t be easy. I know waaaaay more than I should about mental disorders so if you need anything, just ask.
Thank you Emsy, that’s very kind.
Perhaps helping others could give you some focus in your dark times.
Have you tried searching ‘self harm’ on this forum? There a are a few threads that may help you
Maybe… Well… Now I’m crying anyway. The friend I was talking to ended up calling me and then confessed he views me as a sister and he hates seeing me like this and he started crying so now I’m crying and this whole thing… He’s 12.
Thank you… So much… Thing is, I’m incredibly weak athletically and I’m Jewish. For heavan’s sake, my time on the mile run was 13:53. I’m slow as hell. I really appreciate your suggestions though and maybe I’ll message you sometime.
Mind me asking your age and whereabouts? Not in detail, just country and if ur in the US, then state.
I want to be a writer of sci-fi novels and I already fill journals with short stories. I haven’t been writing due to depression, however, I’ve been told by multiple adults that my writing and stories are good enough to be professional and published with a few touches at age 14. I’m an outstanding English student as a whole. I hate sports and anything athletic… My depression has stopped me from writing.
Mmmmm… Not so much. My stories are all dark and twisted and creepy and there’s usually death in them. I’ve looked up “what does it feel like to die by ___” so many times that my browser recommends suicide help lines. Which, now, is probably for the best and not just something funny that happened after my writing…
Y Hi friend! I am totally here for you. I wanted you to know a little bit about me, because I want to be a member of your support system. My name is Ragan. I am 26 years old, and also a writer. I love punk rock music, especially early to mid 2000s pop punk comma which, in my opinion, is and will always be the best generation of punk Revival, outside of the original political Punk movements. I acted a little bit in middle school and high school but my anxiety got the best of me often times and limited what I could do. I’m also diagnosed with major depressive disorder, and I absolutely understand that feeling of helplessness and overall lack of motivation. I started harming myself in Middle School when a friend of mine did. It took me a long time to justify my reasoning is because in my brain it felt like I was doing it because everybody else was, but the reality was, which I didn’t see at the time, that I was entirely numb to everything. When I was harming myself, I actually got to feel something free of anxiety and depression and that was a totally new feeling for me. I never experienced that before. The problem was however that it did not stay for long. Eventually there was guilt eventually there was doubt and eventually there was pain. And by that point, I was completely addicted. After attempting suicide 3 times and running stents in and out of therapy, I finally found a community who supported me and love inside of a group of friends who have been reaching out to me all along and I never noticed it. Im not at all religious so i dont want this to come out like a religious play or anything, but your body is a gift. The vessel that carries your would, your heart, your brain, and that creative drive to build and make art (even if it is hard) deserves so much. I understand that pain and struggle. I am still new at being free from harm, and I still daily feel that struggle due to mental illness, but the last year and 7 months that I have spent free of harm have offered me a beautiful inside two create something wonderful. I was challenged by a friend of mine when I began this movement to love myself more to try to write something that people like me would understand. I found that it was easier to convey emotion when I was no longer writing it across my skin. I want to challenge you to do the same thing. Try to create something that people like you, people like me comma can understand and find Hope in. It isn’t necessarily easy comma but I guarantee you that it will make you a better artist, and the catharsis of it will be liberating.
The amazing thing about public forums like Archive of Our Own is that you don’t have to use your real name. All of my work has been published through archive and I have just now started actually using my real name. It is wonderful being able to get your work out there and knowing that others may be able to find Hope in your survival. Sometimes that’s all it is. Survival, but one day at a time that is all that is necessary. Some days it won’t be just a survival, and those days make it worth it
@Roliver4 I’m sorry I couldn’t get back to you sooner! But thank you, I really appreciate you wanting to help. We are quite similar, which is strange but also nice that I have someone like me to rely on. @Madhatter@LunaLady@Roliver4 It’s so amazing how complete strangers can be so caring to one another just because they both are on the same app for addictions. I never expected to find people like all of you. Thank you for your efforts. Last night I got very close to killing myself, but a friend helped me through and I’m glad he did. Well, online friend who’s addicted to drugs at age 12. He’s a really good kid though and he sincerely cares about me. I hope you all can offer me the same support he does. Oh, and my name is Rory, just so you all know. You can call me that.
Also, question: does picking and ripping off pimples count as self-harm?
Oh, and I started an app called Mood Journal to help me manage my emotions and help me become more positive. Hopefully.,.
As for right now, I AM ABOUT TO FUCKING SCREAM. AHHHHHHHHHHH!!! (Pardon my French) My boyfriend broke up with me a few days before I attempted suicide and I was going to tell him I did but guess what I see when I look at my phone? He had texted me that we’re through for stupid reasons that make no sense! I tell him to just tell me the truth and I’m apparently annoying and he can’t stand me. WELL IM ABOUT TO EXPLODE AT HIM FOR MAKING ME LOVE HIM (FIRST BF I EVER ACTUALLY LOVEF) AND THEN JUST HAPPEN TO BE PLAYING WITH MY EMOTIONS! HE FLATTERED ME AND HELPED ME WITH THIS AND IT ALL MEANT NOTHING! I AM FURIOUS! HE’S ONE OF THE REASONS I DIDNT KILL MYSELF THAT NIGHT A WEEK AGO! BUT I GUESS I MEANT NOTHING. THAT ASSHOLE!
) is INTENSE. Your world in so insular and small things become enormous from the inside. It’s when my addiction to alcohol kicked off. Try to keep sight of who you are, what makes you happy, what excites you. This time will pass and you will find this life is worth living.
I thought I was hated and hadn’t kept in touch with anyone until the last few years when I’ve made connection with a couple. They remember me being popular, go figure.
Oh, and my name is Rory, just so you all know. You can call me that.