Well done on getting it off your chest. I have a 2 year old and an 8 month old who is breastfed, had tongue tie, and will only settle on me. The longest I have been away from her is 2 hours! We also coslept until she was 6 months.
You’re doing so well (I’m on day 71, and I can honestly say that the only thing harder than parenting, is being an alcoholic parent in active addiction). Just keep going. Replay the tape of your worst times…will that help? Be kind to yourself, treat yourself.
It might be worth googling ‘purple crying’. Also, my little girl woke up constantly until 3 weeks ago. I cut out dairy and suddenly she sleeps through…is it worth a try? Xxxx
Thank you! I would love to Co sleep but it doesn’t help is she is waking up screaming and wanting to be awake all night long. I sleep on the couch with her in her rocker right next to me. That’s about as Co sleeping as we get. Our spare bed room has the air conditioner in it so it’s too cold for that and her room is too small to put a mattress on the floor in there. And like you said I wouldn’t want to put her in our bed bc of her father. I am tempted to lay in the living room floor and sleep with her though !! Lol
Yeah it is sad, makes me angry he doesn’t volunteer to help out. He comes home sits on the couc, turns in his show, drinks a couple of beers and plays on his phone. He will change maybe 1-2 diapers a day. He doesn’t offer to watch her so I can sleep, he doesn’t have clue on how to calm her when she gets fussy, I try to get him to give her a bottle so he can participate and bond with her but he has only done it a few times and doesn’t feel comfortable feeding her and burping her, I mean he even has a hard time changing her clothes!! I understand she is still little and she seems fragile to him but come on! Lol I think a lot of guys think it’s okay to do the bare minimum bc it’s actually socially acceptable… I mean guys get praise for changing diapers! While the woman are just expected to do everything. We need more men out there like you that pride in taking care of their children and want to be involved.
Thank you, I’m going to have to look into this tongue tied thing people keep mentioning. My daughter sleeps great on me but as soon as I put her down she wakes up and cries… usually only at night. During the day I can get her to sleep in her crib or rocker for a couple of hours. But nighttime is by far the worse
I do try to remember all the pain alcohol has caused me and the reasons I don’t drink and that helps. It’s just during those times at night I have never been more tempted. Even dealing with other drama in life this is the closest I have gotten to wanting to drink. Listening to everyone tell me how much worse it is to drink and try to parent definitely helps put it into perspective better.
I don’t know if everyone will see this but I just want to thank you all for taking time to respond. I had tears in my eyes reading the responses😢 Knowing this is normal, hearing your experiences, and reading your advice is just sooo unbelievably helpful. Anytime I start to get tempted im just going to come back on and reread what everyone wrote and remember why I started this sobriety journey in the first place!!
Don’t underestimate that fear of breaking the kid. I was fortunate that while my wife was a first time mother, it was my 2nd go at being a new dad, albeit 20 years in between diapering. Just remind him of how your princess came into this world, and she survived that.
Diapering? I am a master. Like field-stripping an M-16 and getting it back into action…blindfolded. I could get my daughter cleaned and changed and a bottle in her mouth, before she completely woke up. From first fuss to back to sleep, 5-7 minutes, tops. Got an A in “swaddling” in the new parent class too.
When my daughter was a couple months old, she loved to sit in the crook of my arm, and watch “Deadliest Catch” in my easy chair. Best days was when there was a marathon. She’d was mesmerized by the scenes out on the deck of the ship, and then off to sleep. Never failed.
I’ll say that I’m very involved with my boys and wake with them at night. I’ve changed hundreds upon hundreds of diapers. Let me just say though, I dont want to bring this up to piss you off at your husband. Your guys’ relationship needs to be a priority in your life. You can’t even put it on the back burner for kids, or else it will suffer. Try to understand him, and help him understand what you’re going through as well. I’m sure he’s not a bad Dad. He’s just inexperienced and doesn’t know what he’s doing.
As for your baby crying all the time. There’s a lot of research supporting Chiropractic care for Colicky Infants. I’m a chiropractor, so I may be a little biased, but only because I’ve seen a lot of first hand cases where it has helped. It won’t hurt her to try.
Thank you, I have tried to bring up the issues with him with little success. We weren’t in a great place when I got pregnant to begin with and I know having a baby doesn’t make things any better. I have just basically given up trying to talk to him about things bc either he isn’t paying any attention or he gets defensive and it starts an argument so I pretty much have decided to just say f it on trying to communicate with him or work on the relationship. Things will run their course, for now it is what it is.
As for chiropractic it’s worth a try! I’ll have to look into for sure bc when your sleep deprived your up for trying anything!!!
Have you tried crying and playing a victim, instead of coming at him on the offensive? I know when my wife starts listing off stuff for me to do without so much as a hi, it irritates me.
Maybe if you try asking from a position of needing him, instead of requiring him, he might step up. I dont know. I dont want to get in the middle of your guys’ relationship or anything. I just know that precious little babies have a right to a home with loving parents, who love each other.
I know… I feel the same way too. I can always work on my approach some more but I can only do so much on my end. The baby of course gets nothing from love from both of us and we try very hard not to have disagreements around her.
Well, I hope you guys can find time for each other. I’m not the best at giving advice, and my relationship is certainly not the most solid, nor do we communicate the best.
I’m not sure how old your baby is, but this video was seriously GOLD for helping me with my two kids and understanding what they needed from me.
Also, a yoga ball!!! The easiest way to bounce your baby without running yourself ragged. My kids were both very gassy and I found that keeping them upright and bouncing on the ball and or patting their backs was what kept them the most happy…
And just remember that it is only a phase and it 100% will not be this way forever. Things can all change so much from one day to the next and from one week to the next.
Hey! Thanks for asking, I wish I could say I am doing well … but as it is 2:15am and I have been dealing with a fussy baby all night with no help I’m not that good How are you doing ?
I’m so sorry. My two year old was just like that. He’s still not a great sleeper. Last night he crawled into my bed at 2:30am and proceeded to kick me most of the night. Still, it’s so much better than those early months. I promise you will live through it, though the zombie-like exhaustion is so, so hard.
Father of two myself. I remember times like that. I however was not sober when they were growing up. I missed so many things because of my drinking that I can never get back. Drinking strained our relationships. To this day I’m trying to get back to where I need to be with them.
So don’t be like me! Lol. You are on the right track. These phases will pass. You got this!!!
