We’re funny, us addicts in recovery. Something earlier in our lives made us think we had to be perfect, that we somehow weren’t worthy or weren’t doing enough.
And we carry that with us. For years and years, we are hard - impossibly hard - on ourselves. We beat ourselves up easily.
In recovery we learn to communicate about expectations - with ourselves, and with others. We learn what we can expect, and how to live up to that expectation.
I expect to be sober today. (I expect to connect with my sober supports, so I can keep up my strength.)
I expect to live in the present, not the past or the future. The past is the past - I can’t change it. The future hasn’t happened yet, so I shouldn’t worry about it. The present time is what I have - so I live in the present.
I expect respect / empathy / appropriate support when I communicate my feelings and thoughts, and I give it to others. (This may be from family but it certainly doesn’t have to be. For many people, this is their sobriety group. This is about communicating clearly and with reasonable boundaries on your time and emotional energy.)
I expect to make progress on the list of tasks I’ve made for today (each day it helps to have a list of things you plan to do, a simple list, maybe 3 things?). At the end of the day I will check them off and pat myself on the back.
That’s it. The past is the past. You can’t change it. The future hasn’t come. What matters is the present - and your present self - because that’s all you can control.
One day at a time Hollz You’re a good person and you deserve a safe, sober life where you can be your full self.
I’m new to sobriety also ! Like others said on here one day at a time. And keep coming back to online communities like this one has helped me alot too .
Today was stressful but I’m okay. I think the reality of everything that happened is good for me it’s keeping me focused. I was craving when I got off work but I came directly home grabbed a big book and started reading that was 3 hours ago and I just put the book down and now I’m here
I did make three goals today and I managed to do all three I pushed myself past the stress and I could safely say New found depression of work. And the goals I accomplished made my day better I truly am so grateful to have you in my life. But a little sad that you’re so far away from me. I feel close to you and am never afraid to share what’s happening with my life with you, you’ve never judged me and I don’t think I have said thank you… but I am now, Thank you for always being me rock and helping me stay centered
It’s my pleasure Hollz. There are so many times this community (which includes you!) has given me guidance and strength, just by being here and sharing our lives with each other. I’m just trying to pay back what I can.
We’re all just flowers in the garden, each trying to be our own type of flower. Some days are rainy, some are overcast, some are sunny. Every day is a chance to grow - as long as we pay attention to our roots and keep them healthy.
I’m trying. I know this time around I’m doing things different so I don’t return to that misery ever again. I guess the making mistakes part sometimes works out for the best when it teaches what not to do in the future
Maybe We all need help and we need a community of support. We need people who understand us and who can give us helpful support.
We need to make a habit of asking for help daily. It’s when we stop asking for help that we get in trouble. That’s why checking in daily is so helpful for people. It’s also why getting to meetings daily is helpful for many people, especially in the early days. Some go online, some in person. It helps keep it real.
I ask for help every day from my wife, who I have a “listening time” with every day. I listen to her for 5-10 minutes - just listening, echoing back what I hear, she shared how she feels. And I get her to listen to me as I struggle to describe how I feel. Sometimes I can be saying “I feel bad”! I don’t have words sometimes. But we middle through and knowing I have that every day is helpful. The accountability is helpful too. I commit to my behaviours, my sober behaviours (for me that’s not watching any porn, and being sure any physical intimacy is with her), and I share about that with her, and ask her to be with me. That might seem weird but being conscious and deliberate about that is helpful for me.
Take care and ask for help. Share when you feel bad or off, ask for help thinking it through, unpacking it. Share when you’re angry or lost or worried or ____. Share when you feel lonely. This connection helps keep you safe.
I have been doing a lot more reading on here this time. The goal I set was at least one hour a day. And I have found some really interesting things. Foremost being that 100% of the feeling I have are validated by someone else and I’m not alone in that. For me that’s extremely helpful because I’ve always been a loner with a lot of people that thought they knew me hanging around. The people here even though I can’t see in person know more about the true person I am then the people that just hung around for years
I feel the same way. There’s hundreds of people and lots of different topics and guaranteed, somewhere, there’s someone who gets what I’m going through. It’s a nice feeling
I also find reading the forum to be so helpful. It never takes long before I read something that I can relate to. I’ve learned so much about myself through the stories of other people
It is tough to reach out at times when we’re starting to isolate, i was starting to feel that way lately. Tonight i was trying to hurry and finish up making dinner so i could make it to my home group meeting. Started thinking well i dont need to go im going to be a little late, fear and anxiety was trying to take hold saying yeah ill just stay. But i pulled myself out of my comfort zone an made the meeting on time, was a positive feeling for me afterwards wondering what was i scared of in the first place? To admit that i was being lazy maybe just afraid of being afraid. To be seen or judged or to feel like a stranger, but whatever it was i felt good to be back and be seen and heard. To put my little 2cents in and my 2$ in the contribution to help keep the lights on🙂
I have just been reading everything I can get a hold of. I’m so glad I have you guys. I always find inspiration in what you all say. I find that I can’t really find the words in meetings yet so I’m just listening. Maybe that’s the best for me right now. I always find my way back to this because I guess I’m comfortable on new sobriety I find peace here and I read back when I was happy and know I can be happy again I just need to change things about myself and possibly my surroundings
I reached a milestone It’s funny how I don’t take days in sobriety so lightly now. I suppose because I understand how quickly I can lose them and my life can go back to what it was. I had another MRI yesterday the swelling on my brain is slowly going down but I’m getting severe headaches as a result. I know I’m positive I’ve had enough of that life and just want to be sober, healthy and happy now. And I have the tools to do that if I work them
You’re a good person and you deserve a safe, sober life where you can be your full self.
