This is my first time posting here, or signing up for any sober websites.
I am 25 and have had a problem with alcohol and getting worse in the past year. When I drink I don’t stop, and even though I’m able to not drink for awhile, when I do I can’t stop. Recently I’ve been purposely getting blackout on the weekends to numb some of my feelings and just be happy and have fun, leading to days of depression. Anyways…. The last few days I was at a sport lodge there to help film the product by also being an overnight guest, some of the other guests offered me a drink and I said yes, I ended up staying up all night, embarrassing myself, I slapped my filming partner in the face when he tried to get me to stop drinking. I annoyed the guests, the staff of the lodge and basically ruined my career. I feel hopeless, I barely remember any of it. I don’t want to go down this path. Everytime I tell myself I won’t drink eventually I have a weekend alone where I just crave a bottle. Or I tell myself I can be normal and just have “one drink” I’m so young I don’t want my life to go down this path. I don’t want to hit, slap or hurt people, I can’t believe I physically laid hands on someone. I don’t even know what point I’m trying to make here. I just feel awful, is there anyone that can message me and be my friend? Who I can talk to when I do feel like drinking, I’m too embarrassed to ask any of my friends in real life.
Welcome Carissa.
You are not alone.
You drink just like I use to drink. Though I was a happy dumb drunk. I Never slapped anyone. But definitely had my embarrassing moments.
I sense your apprehension in your post.
It’s scary to give up drinking. How will we live without it. But it’s so freeing when we finally break free of those chains of alcohol and addiction.
Have a good read around. This is such a great supportive community. I got sober being very active on here. It took me awhile to fit in. But I just read around and found threads I liked and joined in when I was comfortable.
People like us cannot have just one.
There’s lots of great info about recovery of all kinds. Find what you like and learn what you can. And keep an open mind to those of us that no longer need alcohol to escape or have a good time.
I hope to see you around.
Today’s a great day to not drink.
You can post on here anytime and you’ll get plenty of empathy and support. That is what the forum is for.
In my 20s I was just like that. Could not drink for weeks, but once I did I always wanted just one more to feel just a bit better. And if I started feeling bad, then I thought I could drink my way back to feeling good. Basically that sweet spot of drunk where I was confident, cool, was always just ahead or just behind me. And I also would do out of character things drunk (banned from clubs, night in a jail cell, endless bruises, broken teeth, lost phones, purses), and the shame was awful, which would make me more likely to drink just to cover it up next time
Honestly, it is unlikely you will be able to drink socially if you cannot control it now. I chased moderation through my thirties, ended up drinking alone more and more, and drinking more frequently. It took me a long time to learn the lesson.
Dazercat give some great advice. Really think about what alcohol provides and what it takes. For me, and it sounds like you too, it is a false friend. Removing it from your life completely is actually easier than the stress, negotiating.
Do keep posting! Specially if it helps you to stay sober and sort through emotions.
Could you apologise to the people on that night and declare you shouldn’t be drinking? It would be hard af but accountability is a big thing and might make life easier. If you still work with them no doubt they’d be making jokes and jabs about it, but that’s a great free reminder and motivation not to drink. Plus your career sound awesome, maybe it’s not all at loss
Loving yourself unconditionally doesn’t mean accepting shitty behaviour, but working on forgiving yourself You deserve to be who you want to be.
Being 25 is so odd and difficult, very young but still an adult. Wish I’d had the clarity to change back then, now at 36 finally determined to take control of myself and my life.
Sorry bit of a ramble, woke up at 2am and can’t get back to sleep, Good old insomnia!
You deserve to be who you want to be.