Newly sober and fiance doesn't understand

I will keep this short and sweet. I am 33 days sober and it feels incredible. My fiance is completely supportive however he has moments where he does not understand. There was a huge party last night that I did not feel comfortable going to and he got pissed and didn’t talk to me all night. Wtf?? I understand there are changes with this huge commitment I have made in my life but to be so childish and be negative for something that is so positive. I get that he will never feel what it is like to have this disease however I will never be ok with him not standing by my side through this life changing event.

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Curious…does your fiancé have an issue with drinking? Quite honestly my husband does not and it makes it impossible for him to u see stand. He sometimes drinks too much but he can easily not drink if he didn’t want to. So he would never understand why a party or event would be stressful or anxiety inducing. I could see him getting angry thinking I was just avoiding doing something and using alcohol as an excuse. Quite honestly, we went to a work party last weekend and I used “not feeling well” as an excuse to leave early. He stayed and took an Uber home and wasn’t mad at all.

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First off, congratulations on your 33 days!! That is pretty impressive!! :hugs:

From my experience, it was a big adjustment not just for me, but also for my husband and it took him time to get that sometimes I just don’t want to be at a party or around drinking people. Sometimes I am fine with it, other times, not so much.

So I guess what I am saying is give him some time and be gentle with both yourself and your process AND him and his process. This is all new and challenging for both of you. Hopefully you can talk about it and both feel better.

You might want to also do a search on partner still drinking or husband drinks etc to find some other threads that would give you some insight.

Keep up the great work!!:heart:

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I appreciate the feedback. I like your idea of going to events sometimes and not going to others. I think he feels like this is permanent. It’s not but its just that I am early in my stage of recovery. I love your feedback.

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It’s a learning experience for us all. :grin:

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Yeah. This is a tough one. I have a wife who has been supportive. I’m lucky. I dont know about your whole situation. It is an adjustment for both of you. I see a therapist and he is great about keeping me grounded. I will get angry and tell him how I’m upset with my wife and he always points out that she is working and making adjustments also. Stay patient. Go to meetings. Try to understand what he is feeling. Honestly the more sober I get, the easier it is to deal with other people. I just do not give my energy up to anger anymore. Keep working.

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Ain’t that the truth?!?! I’m much more patient and understanding when I’m not drunk!

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Girl shewwww… I feel ya… :100:

My husband actually developes an attitude with me if he is drinking and I am not… Knowing good n well I can not tolerate alcohol…

Don’t judge me y’all…
I wait until he’s about half lit and I just make a cup of Kool-Aid with ice n a straw so he thinks that I’m drinking :joy::joy::joy:… He instantly calms down… I :poop: you not… Crazy as Hell but completely true… :100: He never knows the difference… :grin:

Just a suggestion 25 years in on mine… Make sure a spouse who consumes is what you can live with before completely committing… Just lookin out so you don’t have to resort to doing thing’s like what I have to do as listed in paragraph B… :point_up::neutral_face:

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