I’ve been on and off the fence for 3 years now about sobriety. I need help or ideas for when I go out with friends. I’m fine being sober and at my house or with some friends. When I go out to eat is when I get stuck. Any suggestions are welcome.
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usually if i ate, i lost my desire to drink. but from the sounds of your post, thats not the case for you. i like soda and lime for a look-alike cocktail. you can also tell your friends that alcohol has been really disrupting your sleep so you’re taking a break. thats what i tell people and it works like a charm, nobody asks questions. 
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Hey. Welcome to the forum.
Your question is a very common one and the answer is easy but not one that is often appreciated.
Don’t go out!
Not until you feel happier and stronger in yourself and your sobriety.
I mean, you would think it would be easy right. I’m not going to drink. But you’re asking the question, so obviously it isn’t.
I didn’t go out over Christmas and New year just gone because I knew it wouldn’t be easy.
Ive just turned down the chance to go to my favourite music festival for free, because I don’t want to jeopardize my sobriety. And Ive got 6 months of recovery behind me.
The question now then, is, how much do you value your sobriety!?
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Welcome to the forum. How much sober time do you have? I early recovery, I suggest no one goes to a place that they are likely to drink/use again. It is never wise to put yourself in that position. Do your friends know you’re wanting to quit drinking? There are many things that you can do with friends that doesn’t include alcohol. If you are in a situation where you’re tempted to drink, post something here. Let us try to help. You should NEVER CRAVE ALONE.
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If you can’t go out and not drink, something’s gotta give. You either want to be sober more than going out, or you don’t.
Sobriety is life changing, absolutely life changing. People, places and things will need to change. Outlook on life will need to change.
Order a soda and drink that, I can tell you from over 500 days of being sober that you absolutely do not have to drink to go out and have a good time.
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I just stopped going out so far. I also broke up with my bf cuz all we do is drink etc together.
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Hi @tacticool and welcome in our community,
In the beginning of my sobriaty I didn’t go out. Just because I found it too difficult, just like you Antonia. Now I have more sober days under my belt it’s not that much of a problem anymore, but I still have my tricks.
One of them is that I order my drink as first! And before I arrive at the restaurant I allready figured out what I want for alc. free drink.
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Hi @tacticool. Welcome.
You got some great feedback to your question.
My thoughts are that if going out to restaurants is what trips you up, then that should be a boundary.
There are plenty of other things to do. Plus, not all restaurants serve alcohol.
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Hi there, I’m newly sober too (day 13). I’ve been out on 3 occasions and what has helped is telling my friends and in laws at the start of the evening that I don’t drink anymore. So far, every one has been very supportive. Checking out their drink lists before can be helpful. I’ve drank mocktails (gorgeous!), soda water and lime and alcohol free beer. I’ve driven to the restaurants too which ensures that I’m not swayed, good luck, you can do it! Xxx
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Hi and welcome 
Check out this thread which has some great tips
A big part of my sobriety has been learning to spend time on my own, not seeking validation from others, feeling the need to be the life and soul of the party etc. Being a big drinker had become part of my identity, it took time for that to happen and it took time to undo that. It’s something I’m still working on - it’s a marathon not a sprint etc. Now it is easier to go out to the situations where I would have got drunk.
If going out for meals is a particular challenge, can you arrange different things to do with your friends instead?
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So even though I’m only three days over this time around, I think I’ve been on a pretty happy Journey balancing out my alcohol for about 2 years now. For me I’m so scared to become one of my alcoholic parents who both passed away when they were 54 years old. I don’t struggle with controlling my drinking, I just don’t like what alcohol does to my life at all and then I wonder why I even drink. I spent my entire childhood and time growing up even into my mid-twenties trying to fit in with people, and I’m finally starting to do what I want to do and be who I want to be. I’m not scared of being alone anymore. But in finding this new person, I realize that it’s harder than I thought it would be to quit the things that I thought I liked before. I think I just drank because it was easy and because it was cool and all of that crap. So now I’m really ready to buckle down with this and be myself
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