No good deed goes unpunishied

An acquaintence who knew I am a recovering addict called me and said he was on the brink of using. I had no idea what to say. I tried to be comforting, but was completely at sea as to what to say.

Now, I am having cravings.

My old sponsor will not speak to me, because he is very old-school and says I should have hung up the moment I the guy asked for my help.

So I guess I have a lot of issues here:

Have you ever had anyone ask for help like this? Did you hang up? Did you talk to him–and what did you say?

How do you deal with your own feelings after? I really am worried about relapse.

I am not active in 12-step recovery, but I am in touch with my old sponsor. I know that the program would have recommended hanging up, but clearly I disagree with that.

But I do not know what to do now.

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I wouldn’t have hung up for what it’s worth

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I’ve spoken to people on the brink of using and talked it through with them, the reasons they quit why they don’t want to go back etc, I wouldn’t just hang up and leave them alone.
I personally feel you did the right thing.
There’ll always be people around you in life making bad choices, it doesnt have to influence what you do in your recovery. Do something now to strengthen your resolve. Reflect on why you stopped, what you would lose.
Keep talking to us and reading round the forum.

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That is one reason I gave up the program.I felt bad turning my back on people.

Only thing you can do is share whats worked for you and listen. Triggers and cravings are only temporary. Take 5 go listen to some music,take a walk outside. We have to find ways to ground ourselves. With mental illness and having BPD i tend to “split” as soon as i feel attacked even if i missunderstand or percieved in such a way. . No matter what the mind may trick u to thinking does not have to be your actions. We do have control over our actions. Dont let your mind play games with you.

I’m pretty active in AA and everyone I know would talk to them so long as it didn’t jeopardize their sobriety

Its been a week now and I am still wanting to use.

What cut down my drug use was therapy, but what finally ended it was that my dealer changed his number and I could not find another. While I worked hard, it was finally lack of opportunity that got me clean.

I do not think that is very encouraging, so I did not share it.

Every sponsor I had (but one) said that would be to deny your powerlessness over addiction. We are powerless which means we can help no one. You tell them to pray and then hang up.

That may be old-timer talk, but that’s the program.

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Those old timers have lost their way. The program was started with one drunk helping another

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The steps seem pretty clear on this. But I (like you) disagree with the first step. I think there has to be a way we can help each other when we are at the point of almost using.

Yeah i guess your kinda new to it all so i do understand it may be strong now but if u distract urself and just get thru it. If it bothers u right now maybe u should just cut ties temporary to just keep urself balanced and focused. Being stressed in the beginning of sobriety is just working against the goal. Just stay focused on you for now. I was a hermit for months until i felt confident and clarity to be around others. In the beginning i couldn’t help anyone while im dealing with depression and servere withdrawl a month straight. Cant jump battery with a dead battery Goodluck…

I don’t think I would have hung up either. You are a good person. Idk what I would do if people would have turned their back on me. With that being said this will be temporary. Distract yourself, what always helps me is I sit outside, close my eyes listen to 3 sounds… then I look at three things and make myself aware of my environment my present. It grounds me and let’s me know I’m alive and in the present. You can’t look back just live in the now and know you are strong and most importantly alive. Your sobriety is so important. I truly wish you the very best.

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I have been in recovery for over 20 years. About 5 years of continuous clean time at the moment.

So I know the cravings do not stop. After this week, I wish I knew a dealer and could just use to get it over with. At least then, I would be free of the desire to use for a couple of weeks.

I don’t really bond or chat much with the old timers at the rooms to be honest. I find their views too arcaic. And one thing I have noticed after all these years and this might sound harsh, but they have had years ahead of me in sobriety yet are always more depressed, agitated and judgemental. Always help out a fellow addict if you are in position to do so

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haven’t got to the end of your post so I might speak out of term but, Thank god all the people that need help aren’t sat on the other end of the phone desperate and alone. Thank god for people on this community or where would we all be now and what would we all be doing.
OK I’m going back now to read the rest :+1:

I became his sponsor although I didn’t want to bc of lack of experience but worst case scenario is he stays clean. Today he is 7 days sober and now starting step 2.

You get a different sponsor, work the 12 steps and go on to save someone else’s life whilst saving yourself in the process.

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How about thinking of consequences and what could happen? We dont come here wanting to achieve sobriety because we loved being high. Its just that abusive gf that you dont want to let go. It Can go two ways u miss her and binge or know u made a huge mistake and guilt. You dont gotta know dealers to get drugs. I know i could go to open air spots and cop if i wanted. The risk of arrest and everything ive done to get out of it for one fun ride. My freedom and peace of mind means more to me now.

I have had a number of sponsors. Only one thought this kind of call was okay…although I did not find that out until after I left the program.

I am not too keen on going back to the program. There is this problem and a number of others with the steps. If you have to go search for a sponsor who will not demand chores, make you leave your job, ask for detailed descriptions of forgotten drug binges, etc. maybe if you have to do so much vetting, the problem is the program itself.

I think it is wrong to give anyone that much control over your life. Even if they decide not to use it, they still have it.

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I have been through this for years. The urge to use gets stronger as often as it dissipates. And I have still never found a way to make them abate. You just have to wait and hope you can resist while waiting.