I know I have relapsed a lot but I really I’m trying. I’ve gone up to 10 days sober but then I just clasp. I either get bad news or remember something that I should be OK handling. I’ve done AA, I’m in Smart and I think my next step might be rehab. No-one knows I’m struggling with alcohol because I’m afraid it might ruin my future jobs. I’m just done sitting here drinking my life away. I’m so mad at myself I could cry. Why is this poison legal?!?
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Then cry. I don’t really have any advice other than for me it ultimately comes down to daily choices. I’m able to choose what I do or don’t do. I want to drink sometimes. I don’t. Hell i would’ve loved a bourbon earlier, but I didn’t go drink. Maybe rehab is an option. It popped in your mind for some reason. It’s not “bad” if you go to rehab imo. Maybe think of how shitty you feel after drinking. Reread your post, when you think it’s ok to drink. Guess I did have some advice, but it’s given in a take it or leave it kinda fashion. We can choose to live or kill ourselves? I’m living. Sober. I’m glad you posted. Takes courage!
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Sounds like rehab might be what’s needed. What do you do when you feel the urge to drink? Do you reach out? Talk through it? I tried for a very long time to get sober on my own, and I could not pull it together. Connecting with other people gets me through.
No judgement here - just wondering what you mean when you say you’ve “done” AA?
You can do this. It is not easy - but you don’t have to do it alone. Is there an employee assistance program you might contact? They might be able to put you in touch with an addiction counselor or talk with you about treatment options.
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Before I went into recovery I was worried about the effect it might have on my job or finding new work. While I didn’t take out a billboard advertising my new found sobriety, those around me including my employer welcomed the changes. They understood. They were happy to let me quietly take time to do it right without another word spoken.
Looking back, all the worries I had were backwards. Everyone around me is as grateful I got sober as I am. Other’s mileage may vary. I only wish now I’d gone all-in for getting better sooner.
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No judgement from me. I’m no stranger to frequent relapse. Frequent relapse taught me something needed to change in my approach to recovery. For me, that was stepping up things and considering options I had kept off the table previously. So I put myself in rehab and started AA, which so far appears to be what I needed.
Rehab could definitely help. I don’t recall what field you work in, but honestly I can’t imagine most job positions caring about you and alcohol as long as (a) you’re not under the influence at work, and (b) your alcohol use doesn’t make the company look bad outside of work, neither of which are going to happen if you get sober. I’m glad you’re trying meetings. Even if rehab doesn’t do anything other than help you get a longer sober streak, that might give you clear enough thinking to be able to make AA and/or SMART work for you. At the rehab i attended, they’d organize transport for us to attend meetings throughout the week if we wanted to go, and asked us to attend at least one per week aside from the classes and group work during the day.
I also suspect that if you have even one person in your life who you can tell (surely not all of your friends and family are going to leak to future employers?), the support could really help. Do you have a sponsor from AA or even just numbers you can call when you’re struggling or just want to talk?
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Rehab is always a good option if your life allows it. I will say that both AA and SMART won’t get you sober over night. You need to show up regularly and do the work. Rehab is the same. Unless you are willing to do the work it won’t do anything.
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Glad you posted. I couldn’t get sober until
I admitted I was an alcoholic.
Talked to my dr.
Told my close family and friends
Went to AA (still go)
Worked AA
Educated myself on alcohol
Prayed to the universe (had no God/hp back then)
Kept busy
Changed my routine
Came here often
I didnt go to rehab but I would have if and still will if it becomes necessary
I was fighting to save my life
You can do this it takes work and time
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No judgement. I salute you, because you are willing to take it to the next level, by going to rehab.
You aren’t willing to let your addiction win. You look at what you are able to do unassisted, and then you try a program. You acknowledge this step isn’t enough, so you choose rehab.
You are continuing to fight. You are continuing to resist. You keep doing this until you create some space between you and your adversary. You gain some momentum, you achieve the upper hand.
Ultimately, this is exactly how you win. It is a contest that doesn’t result in a belt, or a medal.
It’s a fight for your life. Keep fighting.
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If you keep trying the same thing over and over, then it’s time to try something new. If rehab is an option, do it. The most important thing is that you need to be accountable, to yourself and to others. That can’t happen if you keep this a secret from everyone. I’m not saying shout it from the rooftops (although I did). But rather ask for help from those close to you. Get all the booze out of your home and start fresh. I also recommend reading This Naked Mind by Annie Grace. It does a nice job of helping you understand your addiction and how to overcome it.
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No judgement at all * I’m on day 8 from relapse number “I don’t know anymore” * and like you, I choose not to give up * that to me is the most important thing… not to give up on yourself * sending you heartfelt healing blessings and positive energy to help you on your soberity journey because I’ll be here with you on this journey too 
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Crying is part of the healing process. So, let it out. You’ll feel better. I’m in IOP and it is helping me a lot. I wish it wasn’t legal either, but it wouldn’t be fair to the people that can drink responsibly. I avoid people, places and things that have booze or remind me of it. Feel better soon and let the waterworks flow cos there’s nothing wrong with a good cry.
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