So, my friend and I were talking about marriage and kids and life. She has this very 5 year plan thing going on which is great for her. She asked me when my boyfriend and I were getting married and having kids. I said that I wasn’t in any rush to get married, that I would like to one day but it’s not urgent. I’m in school to purse my dream career, I want to reach that goal before I get married. She said but you’re almost 30 (she’s 22, I’m turning 28 in June). I said I don’t care if I’m 40 when I get married, I’m not in a rush. Then when we started talking about kids I said I didn’t want any and she literally told me “you have to have kids, you don’t want to die alone do you?”
Having kids is something I never wanted, my previous relationship my partner pressured me so much about getting married by 26 and having kids by 30 which was NOT what I wanted. I went as far as getting engaged at 23 until I broke it off after 2 months.
My current boyfriend and I have been together for 3 1/2 years. He’s almost 50, doesn’t have kids and doesn’t want any and neither do I. I didn’t even think he wanted to get married but he told me several months ago that he can see us getting married in the future. So we are on the same page which is great.
I guess I just never realized how judgemental other people are about me not wanting kids. Like why does it matter to them? I’m not telling them not to have kids?? I don’t need to have kids to be fulfilled, I know what I want and what I don’t want and it just so happens I don’t want kids.
But according to my friend that means I’ll die alone lol.
Just wondering if anyone else has had a similar reaction?
I have enough kids to even things out guess it’s different for gals than it is guys. My mom wanted grandkids but it was never like a “times a tickin” type of thing lol
Personally, I think it’s weird if people don’t want kids because having kids is engrained in my family’s culture. I guess I grew up assuming everyone at some point wanted kids and hearing the contrary is different. But that’s my problem, not yours.
Wow I can relate a lot. I’m 26. My guy is 44. We’re. Engaged I want kids he has kids…almost my age…it saddens me thinking I’m almost at the age to where I’ll almost feel to old to have any but than I realized everything happen for a reason and maybe I’m just not ready in this point of time in my life. Still keeping my fingers crossed but in just tired of getting let down.ur not alone girl ️
Same, first few were unplanned, and probably not good timing. But we love them, heck, we might even keep them. Now that we’re in a good place, trying for another, but gosh darn it, she may be too old and that ship might have sailed. We’ll see in a couple weeks.
Yes! It’s a personal life decision. Just as starting a business instead of getting a “real job” (ugh!) is, or choosing to live in a particular country, it’s your life not theirs. They are allowed to be disappointed and don’t have to understand, and they are allowed to express these things, but they shouldn’t force their decision on you.
Not to mention that if it’s just about having kids, the ticking clock thing isn’t as powerful an argument as people make it out to be. One can adopt post menopause, for example. I’ve met people who have done it.
Back in the day I never understood why someone wouldn’t want kids (but I did respect it!!) just because it was my number 1 life goal. But now that I have 2 kids man I envy all those that chose not to have kids. LOL.
We were just talking about this tonight. It’s a pretty personal decision, to be honest if I didnt have my boy when I was 19 and thought I knew everything-I likely never would have had kids. As I got older and realized I know pretty much nothing, I’ve completely changed my mind lol. I know actually lots of people that don’t have kids and that’s been great for them, I know others that make great step parents but have no biological kids. I also have a LARGE family and we have huge families within it-my nana had 12 kids so I’ve got a large variety of it all in my life-whatever works for you is great! It’s your life, so do what you want! Screw everyone elses opinions.
Oh I just remembered…you can let this girl know that having children is bad for the planet!! It’s true. One of the best ways to help stop climate change is to not have children. Lots of environmentalists are choosing to not have kids. LOL
The fastest way women lose status and salary are through motherhood. Not to mention independence.
It’s amazing to me that in this day and age, there is still so much pressure on women to conform to other people’s expectations and frankly, if you ask me, their limitations. I think as a whole, we still like to keep women in (our) place: barefoot and pregnant.
I love children but I never wanted to have them and I don’t. It’s not supposed to be said but time after time, when the women in my office have babies, with very rare exception, their work and dedication to their clients takes a massive nose dive.
Those of us who choose not to have children are called selfish and judged but I’ve never subscribed to the belief that having children is unselfish. Quite the contrary. People like to perpetuate their family lines. They create small insular communities. Meanwhile there are thousands of unwanted children all over the world and so many people who dove into motherhood when they are not equipped or prepared or inclined.
The reality is, that we all die alone. Whether we bore children or not.
Haha I get this all the time, I’m child free by choice and I’m 37.
I kindly remind those people that even if you have mutiple children, they’re not guaranteed to look after you or visit you in your old age. Old folks homes are packed with lonely old people with families. This usually shuts the nosey bastards up
I am 37 and child free by choice. In the same way I suppose that some people grew up always imagining that they would have children, my experience was the opposite. I don’t rule out the possibility of adopting well into the future, but that’s in the same way that I don’t rule out the possibility of moving to France at some point during my lifetime.
There are many ways to have children in your life that do not involve having your own by biological means, or at all.
I also tend to have cutting words for anyone that chooses to make any comment or pass judgement about my life choices that do not impact them whatsoever.
I never want kids and I get this often, not as often as when I was younger. I just tell them I’m going to find a nice young couple and tell them ‘hey I’ll give you my house and money when I die if you take care of me when I get old!’ Win win. I’m also a lesbian so I would either have to spend money for IVF or…use a turkey baster? The thought of becoming pregnant/giving birth makes me want to vomit. Usually they will also ask ‘well if you did have kids who would get pregnant, you or your girlfriend’. Very annoying.
The previous relationship I talked about in my post with the super horrible pressure of marriage and at least 3 kids (which is how many she wanted but she didn’t want to be the one to carry them) was with a girl. So, yes there would have been a whole added expense of the actual process.
guess it’s different for gals than it is guys. My mom wanted grandkids but it was never like a “times a tickin” type of thing lol
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Consider it stolen for when I see the family this holiday.
