No More Self-Sabotage

Life in Recovery
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Experienced the first serious craving i had since i got sober while talking to my ex tonight. He really is just the most selfish, indifferently cruel person i have ever met, and i came to the realization that I’m not obligated to him in ANY way… Not after i gave him everything i had and he repaid me with abuse and lies and cowardess. More than that, i deserve to be treated better… Like i actually matter to the person who claims to love me. I never believed that I was worth anything before. So I hung up on him and for the first time, i don’t feel compelled to call him back. I kept going back to him because i thought i had to… But i don’t.

Coming to this point should make me feel good… Empowered. But all i feel is sadness. Sad that i wasted so much time, energy, and love on someone incapable of returning it. Sad that I believed in qualities that he never had… And I guess that was my fault. People are what they are.

I’m not going to use… I couldn’t even if I wanted to. I just don’t have anyone to confide in, so i thought i would share it on here. I’m done with consciously fucking up my own life.

I strongly urge you all to consider how you might be self-sabotaging your recovery and your life… It might be hard, but it really is essential to staying sober.

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@Volatile Thanks for sharing your thoughts. It’s hard at times to let go of what we are use to but I’m really happy for you. You are worthy of love, acceptance, respect and so much more! :smile::couplekiss_man_woman::revolving_hearts: It’s important to get rid of anything that can hinder our journey towards sobriety. It’s OK to feel sadness, just don’t dwell in that emotion for too long. This too shall pass and with time you’ll feel empowered that you made the right choice for your life! Take care of that inner child inside you who loves you dearly. Hope you feel a Lil better. I’m here for you to provide a listening ear or whatever you may need! Hang in there sister, you can do this! I Love you! :sparkling_heart::sparkling_heart::sparkling_heart::v::v::v::clap::clap::clap::v::v::v:

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Thank you @Soberlife05, but my I’m pretty sure my inner child has been dead for some time now. :smirk: I kind of tend to dwell on the things that I’ve lost because I really don’t have much now, aside from the most basic things that people need to survive. Anyway thanks for your support hun

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@Volatile The most important thing is that your alive! That’s a blessing! Anytime! :revolving_hearts::revolving_hearts::revolving_hearts:

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You have sobriety today, so you have everything. The longer you stay sober and work a solid program, all the things you think you’ve lost or need will come to pass. One thing I’ve learned in recovery that helps me let go of the bitterness I’ve felt and that still creeps in from time to time towards people in my life i feel have wronged me, is to pray for them. Pray to whatever spiritual entity you believe in, wether is God, buddha, mother earth, whatever, just pray and ask that power to work in the heart of that person you’re hurting over. It will feel completely ridiculous at first (it did for me), but you may be completely shocked at how it changes YOUR heart and the way you think about that person. Whenever we are uncomfortable about someone is usually because of OUR past, OUR perception, OUR reality, OUR thinking. Until we are able to start changing that, life will keep tripping is up. Happy destiny to you…:blush:

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That’s very good advice for someone with higher power, but I’m an agnostic atheist. Still, thank you for your beautiful words. :smirk:

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Well, ill tell you what, i respect your beliefs, so I’ll pray for you to find the peace you need in all these battles. Blessings on your journey:)

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I appreciate that, Thank you hun :slight_smile:

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Anytime!:wink:…

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@Volatile you go girl, you are on the right track one day at a time. I am going to sound crass (apologies in advance) don’t let the bastards get you down. Proud of you and hang in there. Sending positive vibes your way. Remember you are worth it… xx :grinning: