Novel Reading Addiction- Anyone else there?

sobriety

#1

This may seem like the weirdest addiction. But yes, it is an addiction nonetheless.

I am hooked to reading novels/online stories on sites like Wattpad, Inkitt, Movellas etc. I literally search and scour the internet to look for new fiction novels to read.

The catch here, is not just reading fiction. It’s WHAT KIND OF FICTION.

Romance is a compulsory.

In addition, there has to be paranormal elements to it like vampires, werewolves, mermen, shape shifters, cyborgs, newly created creatures.

And above all, the ones with a broken hero/heroine. Beastly, Addicted, Ruthless, Dangerous, Deaf, Dumb, Scarred, Disfigured, Paralysed characters who find love at the end of the novel.

And this’ not just binge reading.

I sit for hours and hours together on sites like wattpad, inkitt; comb through goodreads and apps like AnyBooks to read. Pages and pages.

And here comes another problem. When I feel like masturbating, I quickly get to the part where graphic sex is described. I even especially look up erotica titles for this purpose.

And as strange as it may seem, it interferes with my daily life-

  1. Lying on bed for hours like a vegetable and reading.

  2. Studying for just maybe 25 to 30 min a day. Then compulsively falling back into the trap of more reading.

  3. Stepping over ward days (I’m a medical student), telling myself I can’t go to class or wards because of cold (or any such illness). Then instead of studying or taking care of myself, falling back into the book reading autopilot.

  4. Its cost me my 12th grade marks.

  5. This has been continuing from 2009.

  6. I did keep myself away from it by not owning a smart for a year when I had been preparing for medical school entrance exams & another year i.e 1st year of med school.

But then I fell back again.

It gives me a certain kind of high. Its my escape from what I don’t know.

Med school stress maybe?

But I wonder if it’s really the stress? Because I just don’t take any stress. I read and read. And when the exams come, I cram up and then I am like done. I sail through. Sometimes I wish I failed just to get that big hit. But I can’t affor that now. Its 4th year of med school and soon I will have to apply for my residency.

It’s so difficult being in this autopilot.

Does anyone here have this addiction?

They say reading ia good. But trust me when it gets this way, it certainly isn’t. The compulsiom to complete the book is so high.

I have tried app blocking apps. But it takes great effort to activate them after a period of abstinence. I fall back a 1000 times more after abstinence.

Moreover, I always find ways to get around website blockers… like deleting/removing them.

If any of you can relate to this please feel free to reply or start your own readinv addiction posts.


#2

Fear, shame, perfectionism. These are 3 things that drive my addictions and compulsions. Whether it’s drinking, drugs, sex, video games- I’m trying to escape reality because it’s uncomfortable. I don’t wanna feel my feelings! I just wanna numb out and not have to deal.
Have I got something coming up that I’m dreading? Better escape until I either have no choice but to deal with it, or I miss it and have to deal with the repricussions. and then the shame rolls in… “how could you let this happen again? You’re worthless” I would tell myself.
Fear of failure, fear of SUCCESS, fear of being vulnerable and putting myself out there only to be dashed against the rocks of reality. These fears have kept me from living my life to its fullest. I live in a land of opportunity and excess and spend most of my time not experiencing much but a fantasy. Being in active addiction or compulsive escape from reality is a living death. I am not growing, learning, excelling. Only slowly dying of fear, shame, regret.
There is a way out. The first part is recognizing the problem and the feelings that come with it. The next is finding people who have overcome and are living the kind of life that you want, then doing what they do.
I feel your pain and I understand your struggle. Despite the differences in compulsive behavior, the end result is the same. Shame, guilt, fear, regret. Then the cycle starts all over again…

Tony Robbins says in regard to stopping unwanted behavior, “the how is simple, the problem is finding a strong enough WHY”.

I hope you find your why.


#3

Sex addiction takes on many forms. Pornography takes on many forms. You are describing Literary Pornography.


#4

@SmokeyMirror is spot on.

I’m a lust addict. It doesn’t really matter which form it takes. Porn, chatrooms, sex…Anything that can get my heart racing. It’s an escape fron stress, responsibilities, boredom, resentment, etc.

Maybe try to incorporate healthy activities to fill the hours you spend in front of a screen. Exercise has been imperative to my recovery. Running, hiking, weight lifting, skiing, yoga, basketball. Meditation (guided), reading (self help books), podcasts also help me to get out of my own head.