Happy Tuesday y’all!
Trying to be open here, still pushing myself out of my comfort zone. I am struggling today, day 9. Not so much to drink but just struggling with myself. I know there are other factors to this (baby is sick so I haven’t slept for two days) but I am just in my head bad.
I have extremely obsessive behaviour. Hence, being an addict. When I’m drinking, I obsess over drinking, when I’m not, I literally obsess over being sober. And it drives me crazy. It’s actually a big reason why I relapse sometimes. It’s like…if it’s ALWAYS on my mind, what’s the point in not doing it?! Even though obviously I know the point. It’s just an argument I have continuously.
We are moving next month and now I find myself thinking, it’ll be a fresh start so who cares what you do until then. But I know moving won’t solve anything. It doesn’t matter where I am.
I know all the answers to these. I am smart And competent. It’s just this stupid disease playing tricks with me and I know that.
And then I feel stupid, pathetic for even reaching out or admitting I have a problem. And I do that everytime. Every time I decide to give sobriety a go I don’t mind talking about it, but then a week or two in and I get embarrassed and close myself off to anything about it. I don’t get why I do that. I don’t know why my views on it change or I feel differently like this.
The difference this time around is im going to be working on my recovery and not just my sobriety. I’m hoping that gives me some relief from all of this. And I’m continuing to reach out against the greater part of me not wanting to. My workbook from women for sobriety is supposed to show up on Tuesday next week and I feel like that’s forever away.
I’m currently reading this naked mind and I’m engulfed in it.
I also just started Annie Graces 30 day alcohol experiment.
So I’m trying to stay busy and heal my body and mind, but seriously, do any of you have experience with any of this? I obsess over whatever I set my mind to be it drinking, not drinking, health, a hobby, exercise, whatever.
I reckon it’s the mind of an addict, it’s never done anything in moderation.
Very good start at doing things different this time. I have been taught that if a thought or obsession enters my mind, immediately drop it and redirect. It could be something as simple as redirecting to counting things that start with a in a room or counting floorboard. It just breaks the cycle. Reading program materials and this forum is another great redirect. Keep at it, you can do it.
Well, that’s why I said “hence being an addict” lol I know that. But I’ve gotta figure out a way to shut this B down.
It comes with time. Just stick with it. You seem to be thinking in the right way. You know the voice belongs to your addict brain. Keep fighting it. Keep building those sober muscles.
Thankyou, I was hoping someone with experience would tell me with time it will subside. Gives me hope that it’s not always going to be such a massive part of every day for me.
I’ve struggled with obsessive thoughts too in the past. It was worse right at the beginning of my sobriety. Your brain is going through a lot of chemical changes right now. So like Geo said, give it some time. Just do the next right thing and try to redirect your obsessive thoughts to more practical ones. Not sure this helps but I hope it does. Stay sober above all else. That’ll help most in the long run.
Well done on day 9 .keep us posted on your journey especially with Annie Graces 30 days wish you well
Maybe try some CBT go to your local drug and alcohol support service they will send you in the right direction it helped me I’ve done it several times 
If you didn’t know CBT stands for cognitive behavioural therapy