I have court tomorrow, and it isn’t looking that great…
I had some cravings and almost picked up a bottle earlier, ended up going to some meetings instead including my secretary commitment I’m currently sitting in.
I couldn’t get in contact with my sponsor tonight, but I’ve been talking to some of my brothers and sisters in the program.
There’s been a repetitive fucked up thought going through my mind about my legal situation and a way out of said situation I’ve been thinking about, one I can’t fully share here… but I just want to stay sober and keep improving my life. That’s all I want.
I have the greatest reason to be alive and sober today in the form of a sweet little girl who loves me with all of my heart. I can’t do this for me just yet, so I’m doing it for her until I can do it for me.
Hang in there, do the right things and life will reward you. Sounds like you’ve got some great reasons to stay sober and you want it so let’s do just that! Good luck in court, you really are doing great so stay hopeful and I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you too!
Hey there - thinking about you as you head to court today. I can only guess where your mind has gone as you have looked for a ‘way out.’ I understand those feelings. I used to have them regularly. Having said that - you are stronger than you believe. You’ve proven that by reaching out here. I think our realities - no matter how they suck - are sometimes not as bad as our screwed up minds try to make them. It sounds like a really lovely girl thinks you are terriffic. Even if you don’t feel it, I bet she’s right.
As someone who has come through the other side of years of painful legal situations, I feel for you. Sending my best your way and the affirmation that it will get better. I know how it is to consider the extremes and the escapes, but a clear head will always be best equipped. I hope you’ll update us and know that you’re supported and valued here. Best vibes.
Just an update for everyone here, I also wanted to show some appreciation to all of you for sharing your love and hope in my life.
My court date was pushed back a few more weeks since I was deemed mentally incapable to make a decision on my case due to my mental health history.
I’m still sober somehow, I’m in a meeting right now, and I’m turning to my fellowship for support. However, I definitely need to seek treatment for my mental health at this point.