Oh TS gang, I feel like I'm gonna relapse

This is becoming more stressful to put a friggin lid on it and keep that lid down!

My sex addiction is taking a real big chunk of my time, I’ve tried to rack my brain on why the urge to have sex is so strong and I mean strong to the point I’m at that point of fuck it just do a stranger(safely of course).
Please note I don’t feel like I want to hop on taking drugs or even having a drink.

Its just the impulse to wanting sex.
I feel so calm inside and clean I don’t know if it because I’m lacking dopamine.
I can’t jump off a mountain to get that buzz feeling.
What can I do??

I can’t let this addiction bite my ass again. What the fudge do I do?

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I’m sorry you feel so stressed out … is there a reason for it?
Having sex with a stranger can be dangerous (especially in times of COVID) and the satisfaction/dopamine kick will only last for a short while. It’s not worth it, think of how it would make you feel after the buzz and the exitement are gone.
I like to clear my mind by going hiking and listening to podcasts. Maybe a workout? But posting on TS is a good option too :slight_smile:
Please don’t jump from the top of a mountain. The craving will pass, I promise! In the meantime try to be kind to yourself :sunflower:

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I wish I could help with any advice…
Do you have any activity that used to help in these kind of situations in the past? Or maybe just trying a new one? Something what shakes you up.
I had a period in my life when I suffered a lot from this, I was afraid, that I was going literally crazy, and only sports helped. I started boxing (it’s the best), I ran, I did convict conditioning. Try to distract yourself as much as you can. And write here, read here. We’re here for you.

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The withdrawls from our addiction suck! But they do eventually go away. Like they’ve suggested you need to find something to do to take your mind off how your feeling and like with any addiction take it one day, hour, minute at a time.

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Hi Danni,

It sounds like all your addictions and cross-addictions are focussed on one thing. Like many other addictions it is not healthy and will not be satiated for long if you indulge it.
You may be right, there may be a chemical need for it, but that chemical need may stem from something else. You know that you are dealing with a lot at the moment, including grief, which needs processing. I don’t know, but your desire to “get away from it all” and being hampered by lockdown may mean that you are looking for the door marked “exit” and seeking escape. Other than what has been suggested already I cannot offer a lot in way of solutions that would help as I am not a counsellor in a 50-minute session with you. Maybe counselling is something you need to get you through for now if you could afford it. Almost all counsellors are available for phone or Zoom/Skype.
If it’s dopamine you need hot chilis are good as they make you produce their precursors, endorphins, and although I doubt if that would help for long either. I say that to illustrate that although chilis are healthier (and some say better) than sex :thinking:, no quick “fix” provides a long term solution.

Just stay in touch here and best wishes. To paraphrase Winston Churchill, If you find yourself in shit keep going :pray: :heart:

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You don’t want this addiction… THIS addiction has been a dick from day one… So easy for me as I don’t connect with emotions… My swinging day from 18-25 lead to so many things that I’d put behind me and once certain people have found out im single again they are trying their damn best to get me back into the pit of corruption. I wish I didn’t know what sex was!!!

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Do you have a sponsor you can speak to from a sex addiction recovery program?

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Many of the programs have online options (if you tap the link for 12 Step Programs it will take you down to the list):

https://www.drpatrickcarnes.com/getting-help

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Ok third reply but I keep having thoughts. And this one is I just want to empathize. This is such a hard space to be in. All your using buddies are calling you and it’s distracting and triggering and you feel like you’re on a carousel spinning faster and faster. It sucks.

This is one of those days where you need to get right down to the basic truth, the single truth: you will do anything (safe and legal) to maintain your sobriety. Drop work and spend your entire day in recovery meetings. Volunteer at your food bank (service gets us out of our own head). Any activity which is interactive with others, and not associated with your addiction.

Take care Danni. You matter and your life matters. You’re a good person who deserves a safe, sober life where she can be her full self.

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You’re so much stronger than the urges. You can fight back! I think a lot of wise and brilliant stuff has been said here, so nothing to add there. Except that, we are here for you if you need a chat! Kick the gremlin ass!!

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Hi Danni, how are you doing?

You’re a good person and you matter. Wherever you are and however you feel, you’re ok and you’re worthy, you deserve a safe, sober life, and you are loved. Take care Danni :innocent:

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Werid question but bare with! Have you tried climbing(indoors or outdoors)? Sounds like it might be just the ticket for you. Great sport for all round fitness and adrenaline. Give it ago. :+1::grin:

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I read all your comments and I have done a few things…
I’ve joined the gym: the anti gymer :see_no_evil:. To dispurse some of my pent up well sex frustration.
I have my counselling session tomorrow so will bring up the topic.

I know that some of it is the self destruction part of me that believes I need to be punished/damaged. I can only do my best on working on getting better in these areas but for once I’m sharing and openly talking about an addiction that I was ashamed of. I’m not anymore.

I’ve packed my lightweight tent and my bag and I’m going to go walk and pitch up in the forest for a couple of days. Solitude for a couple of days.

Thank you matt as always I have Alot of respect for what you say and a tear was in my eye reading what you’d put… I appreciate it.

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My pleasure sister. You have a determined, committed soul and I admire you. I have no doubt - at all - that you will find what you’re searching for.

Some time in the woods will help clear your head. Smart thinking! :smile:

Have you read about sexual anorexia? It’s often a behaviour of sex addicts: binge-purge & a dissociated, alienated relationship with the self as a sexual being. That doesn’t mean go out an have sex, obviously, but it means there’s a pattern that may be a factor here, and where there’s a pattern there’s a path (to healing). Patrick Carnes has studied it extensively.

Another element that may be worth exploring is creative activity. In Eastern traditions, the sacral chakra is associated with sensuality (including sexuality) and also creativity. There are many ways to explore impulses related to it - including the hundreds of means of creative expression we have as humans. You’ve explored some of those before, if I’m remembering right - can you explore them now?

Whatever you choose to do and however you feel, I respect you and I value you. You will find what you need. Reach out if there is anything we can do :innocent:

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Hi Danni,

I don’t have this addiction but I’m glad to see people come to your aid with support and you taking steps in the right directions and making positive changes in your life. I think it’s awesome you joined a gym (I don’t like them either so good on ya!) I wish I could retreat to the mountains for a few days… maybe someday! Enjoy it. The solitude and the reflection. I wish you all the best on your continued journey.

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Hi Danni,
I’m really glad you are taking constructive steps to look after yourself right now. Joining the gym seems a great way to channel and focus your energy in a beneficial way and living in the open, well, may any cobwebs be blown away and let fresh perspectives in. :spider::sunny:
I think it is wonderful as well that you can discuss sex addiction with your counsellor. Without you bringing that into the open and starting the process of connecting a steel-capped boot with its posterior it can be a refuge where the other addictions could regroup, if that makes sense (which it probably doesn’t). :pray::weight_lifting_man:

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It does all I can be is open on this road of recovery otherwise you are right I could easily find ways of using if I let this gremlin get the best of me.

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You are getting better at getting better, each and every day. Better today than you were yesterday and tomorrow better still.

We don’t just get better for ourselves, we get better for those we love and care about, or will love and care about one day. We get better today, to be better tomorrow. This is the way of things.

Part of getting better is learning to control our passions, rather than being ruled by them.

I hope you will take this in the spirit that it is offered, as it is the same advice I regularly give my daughter, as she enters “womanhood”:

You are a gift and a blessing to those around you. You will meet people who want something from you, a part of you. Sex is a part of you.

You will also meet a special few, or better a special one, who wants all of you, and wants to give all of themselves to you, in exchange.

Value greatly who you are, and value others the same way. To love and be loved is to feel the sunshine on both sides of your face.

Peace.

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Hi Danni, I’m not very good at advice but I just wanted to say that I think you are amazing! Stay strong lady! :pray:t2::two_hearts:

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That was truly a beautiful way to put it to your daughter; what a lucky girl she is. :heart:

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