On top of the world to crash and burn

I posted yesterday about how i had a successful weekend where for the first time since quitting drugs, i went out and was HAPPY! I awoke with such promise and hope…feeling for the first time in ages just happy to be alive, living right, having dreams again… But last night i awoke at 330 am with a dread so dark. I checked my husband’s phone and found things not right…him contacting his dealer at 230 am sat when i was asleep, checked his car to find that the new flooring i purchased to be installed this week was gone, and saw he was paid more for a job then ge said. I confronted him this morn. He admitted he relapsed over weekend and yesterday. I am crushed. I thought we were in recovery together. The lies burns my soul thru and thru. The good news is while in the past when he would relapse, i would too…but not this time. My dedication to my sobriety and my future is solid as a mountain right now. But i dont know what to do with him. My first gut instinct is to want him out of my life, but then i think im supposed to hate the disease not the person. But i cant let him mess with my sobriety. He said he is going to call an outpatient facility today and get in. That is good. But how do i trust him again? 2 recovering addicts is so freaking hard. I am just holding on to me and my future and my desire to stay clean. He says relapses happen, i shouldnt be mad, but hell, how can i not be! Im so angry he crushed my positive mood and the fact that i was actually starting to see and ENJOY a drug-free life. I dont know what to do, think or feel. Im just holding on to me right now and searching for thst joy i experienced over the weekend praying i will have it again. Im so utterly crushed…Thanks for listening.

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I’m glad you are enjoying your sobriety. It is so much better not living in a fog. Your strength is shining through and I see so much progress in your post. I’m truly sorry your husband isn’t in the same place as. But it sounds like he’s try??? Just keep doing what has kept you strong so far and focused on your recovery. I’m not sure how of advice for husband but set healthy boundaries for yourself and stick to them. Be a good role model for him. It looks like you have a great mindset. Hang in there best wishes

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@Wantingmore you stay strong you will win and it’ll inspire your husband to do so as well

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I think you have to look at it like when they tell you on an airplane that you have to put on your oxygen mask first in case of a cabin depressurization and then help others to put their mask on.

I have a sister who’s also an alcoholic i stayed 300 days sober and she later follow my example, then i relapsed went on a 20 day binge. once i got out of my binge she went into having one and we don’t even live in the same city. so i understood that i’m the example and that’s another motivation for me to keep on the path towards sobriety, use this as a motivation for your recovery

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He is now on a waiting list for intensive outpatient rehab. They say a week he should be in. Thanks as always for your supoort, @Chad_R!!

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Thank you, @Oliverjava! Im holding to my guns. I have never wanted something so strongly in my life than complete sobriety - even if i have to give up my marriage.

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Thanks, @C-sun! I hear ya. This situation blows, but im just focusing on the golden ring of sobriety. Ill go to meetings with him and support him in those kinds of ways - like prayers, nightly walks, meetings, etc, but ill be damned if he drags me down again. Im tired of following blindly. This time, i have the reigns. If he does not follow suit, i have to let him go. Appreciate the suppory!

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Thanks, @Wardnor! I think u r right. Im going to keep trying to lead by example. Thank God something clicked inside me a few weeks ago where i no longer look back at what was… i only see what i want to be. Praying my strength and desire to be better continue to prevail. Fighting for me and him is by far the hardest battle of my life.

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You sounds very strong and determined @Wantingmore! I am sorry your husband is relapsing, hopefully he can pull it together. Keep doing you.

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I’m sorry that sounds very discouraging. I don’t have any good advice, but I am amazed and impressed by your strength and resolve in the face of your partner’s relapse. Congrats on staying sober, imagine if you had relapsed too, you wouldn’t be able to help yourself or anyone. Keep making the right choice one day at a time, one foot in front of the other. Love and strength to you. :blue_heart::green_heart::yellow_heart::purple_heart:

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It sounds like you are looking at things from all veiwpoints. That is a good thing. Don’t make a major decision out of anger or too quickly. The others here have given great advice again. My thoughts are with you.

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Thank you, @Sassyrocks!

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I appreciate the support, @BattleMage!

Thanks, @NewFuture!